Jokes – Set 16 – 2017

#1

Chinti ko haati ne chheda.
Chinti gussey mein hatini ke paas gai aur boli:
Apney haati ko samjhao… warna
Warna…
Warna…
Warna…
Hamare ghar mai bhi mard rehte hain

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#2

BUSH:- Hamare paas MADONA HAI, BRITNEY HAI, SHAKIRA HAI, KATE HAI, aur tumhare paas kya hai
MANMOHAN SINGH:- Hamare paas EMRAAN HASHMI hai sabhi ko bhejdo

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#3

Na jane woh hamse kya chupati thi,
Kuch tha uske hotho pe magar,
Na jane kyun sarmati thi,
Jab muh khulwake dekha to pata chala,
Woh GUTKHA khati thi.

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#4

Na pyar, na yaar,
Na mohhabat, na dosti yaro,
Aaj ke ye devdas ki bat mano,
Na chandra-mukhi, na paro,
Bas har ladki ko line maro.

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#5

Ek ghar me do gadhe rehte the
Ek ka naam tha me gadha
Dosre ka naam tha tu gadha
Tu gadha ghar se chala gya
Baki ghar me kaun bacha
“Haso mat jawab do”

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#6

Macher or makhi ki ho gaye shaadi,
Pehli he raat mai ho gaye barbaadi,
Macher ki to kismet he khoti thee,
Makhi morteen laga ker soti thee.

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#7

Ek aadmi ki bibi kho gaye.
Ram mandir mein jaakar prarthana ki.
Ram bhagwan prakat huye aur bole:
“Beta, baju mein hanumanji ke mandir hai,waha jake pukar.”
Kyoki meri bibi kho gaye thi, to unhi ne dhunde the.

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#8

Ek aishwarya thi deewani si, shahrukh pe wo marti thi,
najre jhukake, sharma ke, Hrithik ki galiyo se gujarti thi,
chori chori salman ko chithiya likha karti thi,
kuch kahena tha shayad ajay se, par na jane kis se darti thi,
jab bhi milti thi vivek se hamesha pucha karti thi imran kaisa hai

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#9

Sardar ki maa: Puttar tujhe yahan se jalandhar jane me to ek din laga par wapas aane me 3 din lag gae wo bhi nai car se
Sardar: Maa yeh car banane wale bhi pagal hai jane ke liye to 4 gear dete hai par aane ke liye 1 hi gear dete hai.

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#10

Likhu to paigam kuch aisa likhu ki,
Kalam bhi rone ko majbur ho jaye.
Har lafz mein dard itna bhar do ki,
Examiner bhi pass karne ko majbur ho jaye.

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#11

Gam woh cheez hai
Gam woh cheez hai
Gam woh cheez hai
Jisse kagaz chipkaye jaate hain

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#12

Azadi k din par meri dua hai k
Allah ap ko quaid ki akal,
Iqbal ki shakal, liaqat ki sherwani,
Fatima ki jawani, nehru ki chal or
Gandi ji k baal de
Azadi day mubarak !

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#13

Din ko chain nahin,
Raat ko aaram nahin,
Jee na lage kahin,
Ae-khuda, kya yahi pyar hai
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NALAYAK!
Yeh pyar nahin garmi ki shuruwat hai.

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#14

1980 girls : Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey
2009 girls : Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa : Pehen Le beti kuch to pehan Le!

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#15

Tere liye chand kya
Sitaro ko bhi tod dunga
Tu sadhi ke liye ha kaho
Ghar walo ko kya
Ghar wali ko bhi chod dunga

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#16

Babloo
Yes Sir
Tinku
Yes sir
Gullu
Yes sir
Ullu

Ullu

Ullu
Button na dabao present lagwao.

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#17

Baniye ki biwi beemar thi:
Light na hone ki wajah se baniye ne candle jaladi aur bola
Doctor ko bulane ja raha hu,agar tumhein aisa lage ki tum nahin bachogi to pleasw yeh candle bujha dena.

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#18

Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Banta: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: chaalu khaata

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#19

Wife: Jab tum lassi pite ho, to mujhe Paro kehte ho.
Jab whiskey peete ho to mujhe Darling kehte ho.
Aaj kya piya hai, jo CHUDEL keh rahe ho
Husband: Aaj mein pura hosh-o-hawaas mein hun.

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#20

Ek aadmi kabr par betha tha.
Musafir ne pucha, dar nahi lagta
Aadmi:darne ki kya baat hai ….
Ander garmi lag rahi thi to bahar aa gaya….!!!!

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#21

Humne bhi pyar kiya tha zindgi main, badi joshh ke sath
Humne bhi pyar kiya tha zindgi main, badi shhor ke sath
Ab hum pyar karenge badi soch ke sath
Kyon ki usey kal shamko dekha kisi aur ke sath

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#22

Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi,
Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi,
Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki,
Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!

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#23

Dil ke dard ko zuban par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se aansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
Hum dettol k siva kuch lagate nahi.

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#24

Khidki khuli zulfein bikhri
Dilne kaha dildar nikla
Par hai re meri footi kismat
Nahaya hua sardar nikla.

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#25

Aapki ek baat hume bahut pasand hai
Ap jab bhi koi kaam kerte hain
Dil lagaker karte hain
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Kiyonki
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Kiyon ki
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Dimag to aapke paas hai hi nahi.

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#26

DO MENDAK:
pehla bola “tar”
dusra bola “tar”
pehla bola “tar”
dusra bola “tar”
pehla bola “tar tar”
dusra bola “sale topic mat change kar”

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#27

Gunghat mein tujhe dekha to deewanna hua,
Sangeet ka taraana hua, shamaa ka parwana hua,
Masti ka mastaana hua,
Jaise hi gunghat uthaya iss duniya se ravana hua.

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#28

Dekha jo tirchi nazar se to hum madhoosh ho gaye.
Pata chala jab nazar hi tirchi hai to behoosh ho gaye.

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#29

Papa : Beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.
Beta : Lekin papa fir aap ke character ka kya hoga

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#30

Biwi ne bade pyar se pati ki gale mein baahein dali, aur puchha – kaisa lag raha hai
Pati bola: Jaise bhagwan sanker k gale me naag.

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#31

Tum meri jindagi mai kuch is tarah se aaye,
Tum meri jindagi mai kuch is tarah se aaye,
Jaise hare bhare khet mai bhains ghus jaye.

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#32

Mayawati came to Lallu’s house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

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#33

Chaiwala : Bholi si surat, aankho mein masti, door khadi sharmaye, hai hai.
Ladki : Kali si surat, hatho mein kitli, door khada chillaye, chai chai.

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#34

Bihari goes to a shop and ask : “Ye bandarva ka photu kitne ka hai re… ”
Shopkeeper : Woh photu nahi saheb “Woh to seesa hai…!”

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#35

Jis se pyar kiya vo Delhi chaligayi,
Jis se shaadi karna chaha vo Italy chaligayi,
Kambakath jina bhi kya jina hain,
Marne gaya to bijali chaligayi.

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#36

Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.

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#37

Duniya se jo dare, usse kayar kehte hain,
Duniya jisse dare, usse shayar kehte hain,
Biwi se jo dare, usse shohar kehte hain.

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#38

Boy : Bus, Train and ladki ek jaise hote hai. ek jatihai to dusri aa jati hai.
Girl : Auto, Taxi aur ladke ek jaise hote hai, ek bulao to 4 chale aate hai.

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#39

Munna bhai: Circuit ye bush aur laloo dono kya karte hai
Circuit: Dono bhai giri karte hai ek dilli me aur ek iraq me.

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#40

Girl : Aisa khat likho sajna, meri umar beet jaye parrhtey parrhtey
Boy : (i=0i>xE’l1i+;e_y#a#>#”e!%; =* #@ w@’e*,e(p+>i*
Le sajni aab paadh tai raho!!

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#41

Sir: Bachcho kasam khao kabhi saraab, cigarette nahi piyoge,
non-veg nahi khaoge.
Bachche: Nahi karenge sir
Sir: Kahbi ladki nahi chhedoge
Bachche: Theek hai sir
Sir: Jua nahi kheloge
Bachche: OK sir
Sir: Desh k liye jaan bhi de doge
Bachche: De denge sir, Aise bhi aise jaan ka aur karenge bhi kya

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#42

Ek American nai ek Swami se bola,
Hamare yaha shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.
Is par Swami bola kamal hai,
Hamare yaha to sirf female se hoti hai.

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#43

Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe thi
Jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe!
Toh asli ravan kaun

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#44

Circuit : Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya
Mamu : Nehin.
Circuit : To kha ke dekh Le, pata chal jayega.

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#45

Sardarji order dosa an eat only masala, then he order samosa
And eat only aloo, why
Coz doctor has advised him “baahar ki cheez mat khana”

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#46

Radhey radhey,kudi fasadey
Hare murari,miley kuvari
Jai hanuman,pat ja meri jaan
Wahe guru da khalsa,ek soni kudi di lalsa.

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#47

Question: Baghwan ko gusa kab ata hai
Ans: Jab koi larki shadi se pehle pregnent ho jay aur uski maa kahe
“Hey bagwhan yeh to ne kaya kia”

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#48

Bakri pahaad per kyun chadti hai….
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Soncho!!
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Aur soncho!!
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A duffer itna sonchne ki zaroorath nahi hai..
Wo utarne ke liye chadi…

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#49

Kya aapko
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Pata hai k aapki
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In khubsoorat
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Aur piyari si
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Aankhon
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K nichey
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Jo naak hai…
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Beh rahi hai
Saaf kar lo

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#50

Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai
Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!