Jokes – Set 24 – 2017

#1

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!

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#2

What did the Atlantic ocean say to the Indian ocean
Try and be more Pacific!

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#3

What did Tennessee
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware
Her New Jersey.

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#4

What did Tarzan say when he heard the elephants coming Here come the elephants!

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#5

What did one magnet say to the other
I find you very attractive.

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#6

What did one elevator say to the other
I think I’m coming down with something!

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#7

What country makes you shiver
Chile.

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#8

What clothes does a house wear
Address.

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#9

What can you hold without ever touching it
A conversation.

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#10

What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers
Nuclear fission.

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#11

What bone will a dog never eat
A trombone.

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#12

What bird can lift the most
A crane.

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#13

What a cruel idea it was to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘Lisp’

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#14

Well, paint me purple and call me Barney.

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#15

Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years.

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#16

Wear short sleeves; support your right to bare arms!

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#17

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

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#18

Wear a watch and you’ll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you’ll never be sure.

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#19

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

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#20

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

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#21

We have enough youth: how about a fountain of ‘smart’

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#22

We have a quiet home life. I don’t speak to her and she doesn’t speak to me.

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#23

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

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#24

We are all prawns in the game of life.

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#25

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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#26

Wats d Diff btwn own Wife & Other’s Wife.. Own Wife is CHOCLATE can have Any Time..Other’s Wife is like ICECREAM should have Immediately

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#27

Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke
Joke. Joke. Joooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke.

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#28

Wanna hear a dirty joke A little boy falls into the mud
Wanna hear a clean joke He takes a bath with bubbles
Wanna hear a dirty joke Bubbles is Michal Jackson.

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#29

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
No sir, that’s a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.

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#30

Visiual joke. Stand with both arms outstreached level with your shoulders. Ask: ‘what’s this ‘ – A really crappy way to spend Easter.

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#31

Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

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#32

Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.

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#33

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

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#34

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

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#35

Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood. ‘But he acts so stupid,’ said one to the other. ‘I think he must have his brains between his legs.’ ‘Yeah,’ her friend sighed, ‘but I’d sure love to blow his mind.’

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#36

Two types of people in the world:- Some who are HAPPY. Others who are MARRIED. …..Think again…..

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#37

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : ‘Funny, I smell carrots too’.

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#38

Two small fish are in a tank.
One says to the other,,,,,,,,,,,
‘Do you know how to drive this thing ‘

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#39

Two rivals over a lady met and had the following dialogue:
First man: I would have married her if not what she said.
Second man: what did she say
First man: she said no

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#40

Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.

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#41

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

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#42

Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the bonnet of
their car. ‘Quick sister,’ screams one nun, ‘Show him your cross!’
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, ‘Oi! You! F*ck off!’

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#43

Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, ‘Holy Shit it’s hot in here!’ The other muffin says, ‘Holy Shit… A talking muffin!’

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#44

Two men were talking at a party. ‘I,’ said the first,’only believe half of what people tell me.’ ‘Why ‘ ‘I’m a lawyer.’ ‘I believe twice what people tell me.’ ‘What are you ‘ ‘A tax inspector.’

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#45

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says ‘When did you start wearing them ‘ To which the other man replies ‘Since my wife found a pair on the back se

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#46

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, ‘I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.’ The other one says, ‘I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.’

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#47

Two lepers are playing cards.
One threw his hand in and the other laughed his head off!

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#48

Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water

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#49

Two friends meet each other on the street. ‘hello! Where are you coming from ‘ asked Bill. ‘Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law’ replied Sid. ‘I’m so sorry!’ said Bill, ‘But why is your face schratched all over

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#50

Two friends Billooo & Tillooo went to school for appearing in English exam (7th standard). They had crammed an essay of ‘MY BEST FRIEND’. But unfortunately, in the question-paper it was written …… write an essay on ‘MY FATHER in just 30-45 words .So