Jokes – Set 28 – 2017

#1

Tcher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.

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#2

TC collects fine from gals without ticket. Girl in shortskirt fined Rs:60, backless Rs:40,in mini Rs:20 & 1girl fined Rs:0,How
Dirty mind..
she had a ticket!!

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#3

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

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#4

Surgeons looking at the X-ray picture:
– Oh-hhh! Clavicle and two ribs broken, crack in fibula. Not bad, in Photoshop will corrected.

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#5

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

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#6

Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one’s wife’s relatives.

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#7

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

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#8

Success is a relative term – It brings so many relatives!

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#9

Submitted by Kyle Jefferson
Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

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#10

Student doctor: ‘Please sir, there’s some writing on this patient’s foot.’
Famous surgeon: ‘Ah, yes! That’s a footnote.’

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#11

Staying single is chic, divorce is in vogue, living in is common, extra marital is happening & here u r Happily married!! Quite Outdated!

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#12

Stalking into a police station late one night, a man demands to speak to the burglar who broke into his home. ‘Sorry,that’s against the rule,’ says the desk sergeant.’You didn’t get it,’ says the man.’I need to know how he got in without waking my wife.’

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#13

Srdr : What is the Guarantee for this mirror Shopkeeper : Put Down from 100 feet of height. The mirror will not Break for the First 99 feets. Srdr:Wow

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#14

Spinster: A bachelor’s wife.

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#15

Son: Is it true Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

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#16

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad
Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

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#17

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt
Father : No. Why do you ask that
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then

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#18

Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.

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#19

Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.

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#20

Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

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#21

Some newspapers publish untrue news, but there is one thing that is true. What is it >>> Date <<<

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#22

Some days it’s not worth chewing through the straps.

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#23

so sweet is ur SMILE….. so sweet is ur STYLE….. so sweet is ur VOICE….. so sweet is ur EYE……. see how sweetly I LIE!!

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#24

Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.

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#25

Six stages of married life:
1: Tri-weekly
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember

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#26

Sindhi: Bhagwan tu mujhe 100 Rs dega toh 50 Rs tumhe chadhaunga. Thodi door par usko 50 Rs milte hai. Sindhi: Prabhu itna bhi bharosa nahi, PEHLE HI KAAT LIYA

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#27

Since I had treatment by a private doctor I’ve lost five kilos in weight. The doctor’s bill was so enormous I’ve been unable to afford to buy any food to eat.
‘Doctor, doctor! My small son has just swallowed a roll of film.’
‘Don’t worry. Let him rest

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#28

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

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#29

Sign post outside our collage-
‘Drive Carefully!
Dont kill the Students,
Wait for the Lecturers!’.

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#30

Sign on a church bulletin board: You aren’t too bad to come in, You aren’t good enough to stay out.

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#31

Shrabi phoned wife:Main ghar ni aa sakda! car da stering,gear, deshbord chori ho gya
Aftr smtime he phoned again Main aa riha ha,pehla pichli seat te beh gya c!

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#32

Showing his friend around his home, Jennings pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. ‘The day before I die, I’d like to sell every piece we’ve got just to see how much it’s all worth.’ ‘Well,’ hi

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#33

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims

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#34

Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.

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#35

Sharmaji ki zen ke piche likha tha, ‘Sawan ko aane do.’ Pechese truck ne thok diya. Uspar likha tha, ‘Aaya sawan jhum ke.’

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#36

Sharabi knocks d Door of his Home.Wife Opens d Door.Sharabi asks Who r u W:How dare u 4gt Ur Wife He ans:Nasha har Gamko bhula deta hai

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#37

Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.

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#38

Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

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#39

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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#40

Scientist are trying to figure out how long a person can live without BRAIN ,Plzzz tell them ur age…..!!ha ha ha

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#41

School- a place where papa pays & son plays
life insurance- a contract tht keeps you poor all ur
life so tht you can die rich
nurse- a person wakes up to give you sleeping pills
marriage- a contract in which a boy loses his
bachelors degree & gi

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#42

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

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#43

Scene – Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT: Robert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal do.
Saale ko Society jeene nahin degi aur security marne nahin deg

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#44

SAWAAL: Patni maike jaakar pati ko roj phone kyun karti hai JAWAAB: Taki pati ko yaad rahein musibat tali nahi phir aane waali hai..

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#45

Save the whales: collect the whole set .

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#46

Sardar to Mali : Go and water the garden. Mali : It’s raining outside. Sardar : Bloody don’t give excuses. Take umbrella and go.

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#47

santa was looking very sad.’Wats d matter,Srdarji ‘ ‘I lent Rs. 5Lac to a friend for plastic surgery. Now I dnt know how he looks..’

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#48

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn’t do my homework.

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#49

Said to a railroad engineer:
What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule

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#50

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.