Jokes – Set 39 – 2017

#1

Have you been to Wal-Mart lately You have to be 300 pounds to get the automatic doors to open.

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#2

Have u seen monkey wrapped in a plastic. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lf no . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Please see ur driving license

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#3

Harry’s wife says, ‘Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house ‘ He says, ‘No, our house isn’t blue.’

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#4

Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

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#5

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it

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#6

HANSA: A Prafful wife ko BEGUM kyo kahete he PRAFFUL: Are hansa shaadi ke baad sare GUM husband ko milte he or BIWI… BE GUM ho jati he!!

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#7

hamara chand hamare hi hantho kho gaya ..
ab to naa hame uski yaad hai .
naa woh hame yaad karta hai ..
ab woh hamara nahi kisi aur ka ho gaya

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#8

Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

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#9

Half the people in the world are below average.

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#10

Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do.

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#11

Gun Control: Use both hands.

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#12

gum vo cheez hai,gum vo cheez hai,gum vo cheez hai ,jo kagaz chepkane ke kam aate hai.

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#13

Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world s largest Waterfalls and the sound intensity of the Waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing cant be heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can h

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#14

Guest: ‘Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat ‘ Hotel Host: ‘I can’t imagine, unless it’s because you have the plate he usually eats from.’

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#15

Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.
‘Think we had better call in t

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#16

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

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#17

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

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#18

gita me likha hai
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are yaha nahi gita me likha hai

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#19

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.

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#20

Girl: Do U love me Boy:’Ofcourse darling i do. Girl:Wil U luv me after marriage also Boy:Tht depends on ur husband. If he allows Me 2 luv u.

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#21

Girl to boy: u will try to kiss me, mien shoor macha dongi,
Boy: Lakin yaha tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
Girl: i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi

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#22

Girl (to his boy friend) Will u love me after marriage too
Boy friend; Depends on your husband if he allow me to.

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#23

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

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#24

George Bush has been working hard, 24 / 7. 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.

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#25

Geez if you believe in honkus.

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#26

Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

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#27

Gabbar: Kitne admi they
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai
Samba: Beech mein koi n

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#28

Frog goes 2 astrologer 2 know its future.
Ast:u’ll meet a young girl who wants 2 no evrythg abt u.
Frg:Grt! wen & whr
Ast:Nxt semster in biology lab.

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#29

Frnd1: u have married with 1 of the twin sisters, how do u recognize ur wife Frnd2: why should I : )

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#30

Friction can be a drag sometimes.

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#31

Frank Sinatra, ‘Old Blue Eyes,’ has died… Frank will now be known as ‘Old Closed Eyes.’

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#32

Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.

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#33

For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.

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#34

For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes. Good condition. $1,000
No longer needed, got married, T wife knows eVthing!

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#35

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work.

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#36

FIZAO MAI TUM HO .HAWAO MAI TUM HO , BAHARO MAI TUM HO , DHOOP MAI TUM HO,
CHAON MAI TUM HO,
SUCH SUNA HAI K JINO BHOTON KA KOI THIKANA NAHI HOTA.

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#37

first year:alphenlabal ‘ji lalchaaye rha n jaaye’,
second year:tvs bike’ meelo chalti muskaan’,
and third year:clorment’dobaara mat poochana’

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#38

Feminists are OK, I just wouldn’t want my sister to marry one.

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#39

Father: What was the hardest thing u learned at college Son: How to open Beer bottles with teeth…!!

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#40

Father: What did you do today to help your mother
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

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#41

FATHER TO HIS DAUTHERS LOVER-Main nahi chahta ke meri beti GADHE ke saath puri zidagi bitaaye. LOVER-Isiliye to me usey yaha se le jaa raha hoo.

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#42

FATHER TO HIS DAUTHER’S LOVER-Main nahi chahta ke meri beti GADHE ke saath puri zidagi bitaaye. LOVER-Isiliye to me usey yaha se le jaa raha hoo.’

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#43

Father and Son were in conversation on the beach :
Son:Praaji , Ise ‘beach’ kyo kaheete hai
Father: Tumhe nahe pata
Son: Nahe pata.
Father: Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

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#44

Failure is not an option. It’s bundled with your software.

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#45

Experts say that although Frank Sinatra is dead, his act is still 150% more entertaining than Frank Sinatra Jr.’s.

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#46

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

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#47

Everybody repeat after me: ‘We are all individuals.’

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#48

Every man/woman should marry – After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

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#49

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook….. But the law allows only one wife

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#50

Eve:’Adam darling,do u love me ‘ Adam:’No, i dont’ . Eve(crying): ‘Then, why did u make love 2 me ‘ Adam: ‘O Hello! As if i had any choices