Jokes – Set 56 – 2017

#1

Movie Director, Now you have to jump from the 10th floor.
Nervous Actor, But suppose I got injured or killed
Director, Thats the idea, coz its the last scene of the movie.

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#2

Pappu ko Kisi Ne Sapne Me Mar Dala..to Usne Apna Bank A/C Band KarDiya
Kyoki
Bank Me Likha Tha k Hum Apke Sapno Ko Hakikat me Badlenge

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#3

Tu varan me bhaat,
Tu football me laath.
Tu tiger me lion,
Tu dadar me sion,
Tu kes me konda,
Tu dagad me dhonda,
lokanna kahihi pathva,
vachat bastat…!

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#4

Cow Par Bethay 1 Pathan Ko,
Traffic Police Ne Rok Kar Kaha:
Aap Ka Helmet Nahi Hai..
Chalan Hoga.. !!
Pathan: Dheyan Se Dekh Nechay
Andhay Four Wheeler Hai.. 😉

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#5

Husband to Wife: Tum meri zindagi ho aur
Wife-Aur Kya
Tell me Aur Kya
Wife shouted-Tell me aur kya
Husband-Aur laanat H Aisi Zindagi Par.

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#6

Shaadi mein ek pathan bahut der tak khana kha raha tha.
Kisi ne poocha kab tak khaoge
Pathan: Mein toh khud kha-kha ke dukhi hoon, Per kya karon card mein likha tha Dinner 7 PM to 10 PM.

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#7

IK SHAIR BATATA HO ZARA GHOUR SAY SUNO. Mujay nahi aata kisi aur say suno.

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#8

Santa: agar VIVAH ki shooting engineering college me hota to use kya kehte

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#9

Ek Morghi ne 3 Anday Deye or Dua mangi bacha naik nikla
Kuch dino ka bad bacha nikla
No1. Bacha Namaz Perhta huwa Nikla
No2. Bacha Tasbi parhta huwa Nikla
No3. Anday say bacha na nikla to Murghi pareshan ho gai
phir anday sa awaz aye Ammi jan mai Aetekaf me betha ho pareshan na hon

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#10

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukra
Utha Ker Usay Gaur Se
Dekh Raha Tha …
Banta : Oye Kia Dekh Raha Hy …
Santa : Dekh Raha Hoon Ye
Leak Kahan Se Ho Raha Hy … ;

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#11

result aa gaya….
aisa maazak eng.. students ke saath nahi karna cahiye …jaan leva ho sakta hai

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#12

One day a girl asked Molvi,
“Can i Kiss a Boy”
Molvi Replay,”Naozbillah”
Girl,”Can i Kiss a Man”
Molve Replay,”Astagfirullah”
Girl,”Can i Kiss you”
Molvi,”Jee Bismillah”

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#13

Bcoz Hajmola guarantees to solve al ur GAS problems!! 😉

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#14

Wife:
Darling ! kuch saal Pehle figure Coke Bott;le Jesa Tha…
Husband Jal Kar:
Figure tu aaj Bhi Coke Jaisa he hy,.. Pehlay 12 Wali Bottle thi ab 60 wali

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#15

VAJPEYI: Retire ho gya hu,ji chahta hai ab to shadi kr lu
ADWANI:Karlo
VAJPEYI: Kisi vidhwa se kr lu
ADWANI:kunwari se hi kar lo
widhwa to apne aap ho jaegi

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#16

May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.

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#17

LOVE AND HONOUR YOUR PATNER,
HELP AND GIVE SERVICE.
BUT DO NOT BAHAVE LIKE A SLAVE.

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#18

commerce k student agar film banaye to filmo k naam honge-
kabhi cr-kabhi dr, main account ki deewani hun,hum tax de chuke sanam, hamra calculater apke pas hi

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#19

frog asked astroger;’plz tell my future’
ast;a young beautiful girl will touch u.
frog;great, but when and where
ast;next semester in zoology lab.

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#20

Despite the Old saying
“Don’t Take Your Troubles & Worries To Bed”
Most of the People still sleep with their wives!!!
WHAT A CRAZY WORLD..

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#21

World is full of willing people
Some willing to work
and others like me,
Willing to let them work

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#22

Pathan’s wife bought a
Beautiful sweater for her husband…
She sent it to him by parcel
Along with a note … That said
“the buttons of d sweater r removed
Since they were too heavy & added
To the postage. U’ll find ‘em
In d right hand pocket of the sweater”

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#23

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married

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#24

Jyotishi :santa ka hath dekhar-
Beta tum Bahut padoge
Santa:Saale Pad to main teen saal se raha ,yeh bata ki pass kab hunga

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#25

Animal Party me Chuhe ne 4peg le liye.
Cat- Party na hoti to aaj tuze kha jati.
Chuha- Bhaag. Nahi to log kahenege daru pike aurat ko mara

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#26

Man woke up in a
hospital after serious accident.
He shouted, Doctor,
I can’ t Feel My Legs.!
Doctor replied, I know
you Can’ t – I’ ve Cut off
Your Arms.!

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#27

beta: maa meri kya keemat hai, maa: beta tu to lakho ka hai, Beta: to lako mein se 5 rupaye dena, mujhe ice cream khani hai.

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#28

Mungerilal ko 20 saal baad bachha hua!
Wo udaas ho gaya!
Naurangilal- Yaar udaas kyun hai
Mungerilal- Yaar! 20 saal baad bachha hua wo bhi itna sa

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#29

Wife:Chalo na kahin chalte hai,ghumne car me aur car me drive karungi. Husband:Yadi tum car drive karogi to jayenge car me,ayenge akhbaar me

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#30

In art gallery a couple see picture of a girl covered only by leaf.Husband keeps watching & watching.Wife Ab chaloge yaa HAWA aane ka intezar karte rahoge.

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#31

Seven Phases of Life
1.Studies
2.Games
3.Entertainment
4.Love
5.
6.
7.
Life Ends When Love
Starts!!!

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#32

Always smile u knw y
Bcoz haso jiyo!
Muskurao! Khush raho!
Kya pata kal mujhse panga ho aur Hasne k liye Daant ne ho…

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#33

girl- tumne mujh pe kya dekha ki mujhse pyar karne lage
boy- abhi kaha dekha hai maine sab kuchh dekhne ke liye hi to pyar kiya hai

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#34

Sir:Bijli Kaha Se Aati Hai Banta: Mama K Ghar Se.Sir:Wo Kaise Bnta: KyuKi Jab B Bijli Jati Hai Papa Kahte Hai Saalo Ne fir kaat di!

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#35

Faqir:10rs dedo chai peyonga Seth:chai to 5 ki hai…..Faqir: Girl friend ko b pelaonga…..Seth: Faqiro ne b Grl Friend banalin…..Faqir:nahi saab Girl Friend na Faqir bana dia ha 🙂

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#36

Mayawati ik tree pe chadi.
Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aayi
Mayawati: Apple khane.
Monkey: Yeh to aam ka tree hai.
Mayawati: Pata hai, Apple saath laayi

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#37

Santa : Oye Yaar! Agar
Electricity Nahi Hoti To
Kya Hota
Banta : Kuch Nahi Yaar,
Hume Candle Light Me T.V
Dekhna Padta 🙂

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#38

Sir: kal class me kyu absent tha
Boy: girlfriend se milne gaya tha.
Sir: kis liye
Boy: yes Sirr.. bauhat saare KISS liye

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#39

Sidhu ki maa ko gussa kab aata hai
Jab sidhu laughter challenge main hans hans kar har contestant se kehta hai-
Bas kar mere baap

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#40

Santa: Dr.Sahab 2 SalPehle Mujhe Bukhar Aya Tha…
Dr:To Ab Kya Hua.
Santa: aap ne Nahane ko Mana Kiya Tha
Naha Lu

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#41

1 ladki ne coin dalke apna vajan dekha,58kg
Sandal utari,56kg
Jacket utari,53kg
Fir duppata, 52kg or coin khatam
1 bhikari bola tu chalu rakh sikke me dalunga!

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#42

A Muslim Couple Came Out of Court After Divorce,
Husband – Ab Humare Beech Koyi Rishta Nahi,
Vife – Aisaa Mat Bolo,
Hum Ab Bhi, Mausere Bhaai Behan To Hai…

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#43

Naye company mai job aaye hai salary 80,000 karne hai to jaldi reply karo.Zyada mehnat ka kam nahi hai bas bijli ke taron per,gela kapra marna hai.

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#44

Ek Student University K Washroom Mein Gaya,
Jb Andar Jakar W.C Pe Betha To Samne Dekha Deewar
Pe Likha Hoa Tha..
‘ABY ITNA ZOR TALEEM PE DETA TO A1
GRADE UTHATA..’

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#45

Question:What is the full form of maths.
Anwser:
Mentaly
Affected
Teachers
Harrasing
Students

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#46

Bacha-Mumy rat ko maine su-su karne k liye bathroom ka gate khola to bulb apne ap hi jal gya Mumy-Haraamkhor tu aj fir freez me su-su kr aya

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#47

There’s a strain of virus deadlier than H1N1. It afflicts most married men causing speech impairment, stress, high B.P and fits of rage. There’s no cure in sight and it stays with the victim forever. It’s called B1W1(Wife).

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#48

pagal-Dr. sahab main khud ko bhagwan samjhne laga hu.doctor-ye problem kabse hai pagal- jabse maine ye duniya banai hai

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#49

A criminal doesn’t reveal secrets after 3rd degree.
Police: Ok,play Himesh’s songs
Criminal screams: Batata hun,sab batata hun!!!

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#50

Boy:Panditji,Meri Shadi kyu nahi ho rahi hai
Pandit:Beta,Bhagwan ne tere Bhagya me dukh nahi likhe to isme mai kya kar sakta hu.