Jokes – Set 61 – 2017

#1

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it

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#2

A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune ‘
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’

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#3

Santa completed his MBBS & did his first operation.
Soon after finishing,the patient died.
He prayed: Vaheguru mera pehla gift swikar karo!

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#4

Ek bacha paida hotay hi nurse say bola: Mobile hai
Nurse: Kya karo gay
Bacha: GOD ko miss call deni hay kye khariat say pohanch gaya

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#5

American: Hamare desh me war
hogaya.
Santa: Hamare india me tho roz war
hotha hai!
American: o kaise
Santa: Somwar. Mangalwar. Budhwar.

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#6

PASSENGER:tumne mere jeb me haath kyu dala
SANTA: muje Machis chahi thi
PASSENGER: tum muz se maag shakte the
SANTA: mei ajnabi se baat nahi karta

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#7

Chinto gets 0 marks in exams.
Father asks him wat is it.
Chinto replies: Teacher ke paas STAR
khatam ho gaye to PLANET dene shuru kar diye!

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#8

In this world, every wife is a mistress to her husband. One hour of Miss and 23 hours of stress

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#9

After eating fish Santa Singh never drinks water!
WHY
Coz..
He feared that fish will start swimming in his stomach!! 😉

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#10

Son . Dad, we will soon Become Very RICH.
Father . What makes
you say so, my Son.
Son . Tomorrow, my Teacher will teach me
How to Convert
Paisa Into Rupees.

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#11

Santa speech de reha si
eh dharti meri maa hai
Banta pher smajha le apni maa noo
eh suraj dawale chakar laundi rehndi hai.

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#12

Ek totle ko interview mein chaar words bolne they:
Institute, Aptitude, Magnitude, Subtitute
Totla bola: “In ki chut, Aap ki chut, Maa ki chut aur Sab ki chut”

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#13

Lardka: tumari ankhen ktni haseen hai,
Lardki: Choro na,
Lardka: Tumhare baal ktne khobsurat hai,
Lardki: Choro na, App B.
Lardka: Itne der se chor hi to raha tha

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#14

Santa-Express Kitne Baje Hai
TT-9 Baje
Santa-Local
TT-1 Baje
Santa-Malgadi
TT-12 Baje
TT-Jana Kahan Hai
Santa-Patri Par TATTI Karni Hai…

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#15

Teacher:
Agar Koi Insan 1986 Main Paida Hua Ho,
To Ab Uss Ki Age Kya Hogi..
Student:
Pehle Ye To Batain Ke Ye Insan Orat Hai Ya Mard

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#16

Man to hotel manager: jaldi chalo, meri wife khirki se kodh kar jaan dena chati hai.
Manager: so .. Sir what can i do
Man: abey khirki nahi khul rahi.

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#17

Ek 16 saal ka ladka mar gaya..
Uski maa boli- isne toh abhi duniya bhi nahi dekhi
1 ladki boli- aunty aap chinta nat karo maine dikha di thi

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#18

Tcher:’George chopped down his fathers tree & admitted doing it. Do u know why his father didn’t punish him’
Johnny:’Bcoz George still had th axe in his hand.’

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#19

Banta Ki Maa- Puttar Tujhay Yahan Se Jalindhar Janay Mein 1 Din Laga
Aur Wapas Aanay Mein 3 Din Wo B Naye Car Se
Banta : Maa Ye Car Bananay Wale Bhi Pagal Hein Janay K Liay 4 Gear
Or Aanay Ke Liay Sirf 1 (Reverse) Gear.

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#20

1Gadhe Ne Pandit Ko Lat Mari
Pndit Uske Piche Bhaga
Raste Me Zebra Mila Pndt N Use Lat Mari Or
Bola Sale Night Dres Phen K Ullu Bnata hai

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#21

Baniya 14floor se neche gira
Girte hue usne apni gharKi khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NA PAKANA!

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#22

Sardar Bunks office n goes to home.
He saw his wife with his boss.
He comes back running office and says,
‘baap re, boss ne dekh liya hota to maar daalta’.

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#23

Circuit : Bhai jail ko Hindi mey Hawalat kyun kehte hai
Bhai: Boley to jail mein Khane ko Hawa aur Laat hi milte hai.

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#24

Biwi gusse me pati se:
Jab dekho jeb me sharab ki bottle rakhe rahte ho.!
Pati: To tu kya chahti he Har waqt honton se lagaye rakhu kya

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#25

Biwi:Wo Samne Shrabi Dekh Rahe Ho
5Sal Pehle Mene Use Shadi K Lie Inkar Kia tha or Wo AajTak P Raha H
Pati:Baap Re Itni Lambi Celebration

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#26

A man was driving car zigzag & rashly.
Traffic cop caught him.
Man:sir I am learning driving.
Cop:without instructor
Man: ye correspondance course hai bhai

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#27

*Love b4 Marriage*
Janu .tum nahe to mei nahe,
mei nahe to tum nahe .
*Love after Marriage*
baghairta .Aj tu nahe ya me nahe

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#28

santa – tune meri jeb me haath kyu dala
banta – nuje machis lena he.
santa – mujhse maang lete..
banta – me ajnabiyo se baat nahi karta

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#29

Teacher: Aasmaan mein udne wali chiz Ande deti hai, Aur zameen pe rahne wali Bachche deti hai. Kaun c chiz aisse hai jo Aasmaan me udti hai par Bache Zameen par deti hai
Santa: Airhostess !

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#30

Fees maafi layi arji
To,
The principal
High school
Ludhiana
Sir,
Gal eh hai k mere bapu ne mainu fees layi 500 rs. dita c,100 tan pooja te shilpa ne noodles te cold drink te lwa dite, 150 de capsool le lye.
baki 250 English wali madam kr k shart haar geya, mitran ne shart lagai c ke ohda sirf math wale sir naal tanka a, par saali da kayiean naal chakkar hai, is karke yaar hun paise kharach ho gaye, is karke fees maaf kiti jave. THNX.

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#31

Bnta:Baccha Paida hotay samay nanga Q aata hy
S:Us k pas kapde kharedne k liya paise kaha Hota hy

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#32

Father 2 his son: If u do not pass your exam this time,
dont call me Papa
After some days…….
father: how is your result
Son: Sorry Zaheer sb

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#33

Patient : Doctor, You
have given Two Prescriptions.!
Doctor : Yes, This one
is to to make You
Feel Better and the
other one to make the
Drug Company Feel Better

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#34

baap: beta mene tumhare liye ek ladki dhundhi hai
wo roopvati, gunvati aur sarasvati hai..
beta:lekin me kisi aur ladki se pyaar karta hu
aur wo GARBHVATI hai..

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#35

Boy : Jan-e-man!
Totay howay dil se pyaar karogi
ya
dil tootnay tak pyaar karogi
Girl : Kameenay!
Tuti hoi chappal say pitay ga
ya
chappal tootnay tak pitega.

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#36

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

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#37

Santa:Mujhe to aankhe band karne par b dikhayi deta hai
Banta:Acha! Kya dikhta hai
Santa:Andhera!

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#38

boy: main iss tree pe chadu to engineering college i girls dikhegi….
girl: or tu wahan se gir gaya to medical college ki girls dikhegin…

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#39

Journalist: Aap ki ACTIVITIES kya haiN
Meera: Hum 2 behnaiN aur 3 bhai haiN
Journalist: Bibi, aap ki activities poochhi haiN, aap k waalid ki nahiN!;-)

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#40

Teacher: tumhari abhi pitae karti ho nakhoon(nails) q nahee katay
Student: M,m,m,m,miss ma to subha roz kattaa ho par van ka driver itni slow drive karta hai k rastay ma he nails bar jatay hai

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#41

A recently fired
stock trader said .
This is worse than divorce .
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife .

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#42

interviewer:imagine in close room how can u escape if it caught fire Guy: simple, stop imagining.

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#43

boy: to a girl : i want to share everything with u.
girl to a boy: so lets start with ur bank account….

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#44

Ladkiwale Hamko Ladka Pasand Hai Shadi Kab Krni Hai Ladkewale Abhi To Ladka Study Kar Raha Hai, Ladkiwale Hamari Ladki Koun Si Bandariy H Jo Kitab Faad Degi

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#45

A sardar passing through a jungle A churail stops him & says-HOO HOO HA HA,Ma chrl hu. Sardar-Janta hu teri ek behan mere ghar Bhi hai.

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#46

Boy : main last baar puchh raha hoon , tum mujhse shaadi karogi
Girl : Nahi
Boy : Soch Lo
Girl : Keh Diya na Nahi
Boy : Waiter , Bill alag-alag lana

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#47

1 Pathan Ne 1 Bachi Se Pocha
Beta Kn Se Class Mai Parti Ho
Bachi:Kachi Mai
Pathan:Kachi Koun Si Class Hai
Bachi:Hamre Class Mai farsh Nahi Hai
Is Lye

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#48

Santa kissed his GF in park
Gf: Plz ye sab shaadi se pehle
Santa: Oh Soniye Don’t worry I’m married

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#49

Sardar ki wife romantic mood main pooray bed pr bazu phaila kr lait k boli
“kuch samjhe”
Sardar: Haan, kameeni.
Tu purey bed pr akeli sona chahti ha….

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#50

Boy- From the day I m ur friend, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke.Girl- how sweet, so u r madly in LOVE with me..!Boy- SHUT UP..!!, U made my pocket empty.