Jokes – Set 69 – 2017

#1

Wife runs home saying, Pack your bag honey, I won 10 crores in lottery
Husband: Should I pack for beach or hills
Wife: Who cares
Just pack n get lost.

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#2

CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film. I didn’t see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

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#3

Intresting Fact but true….
Only Twenty Percent of man have Brains,
Rest of them have….
WIFE…..
NAMSTE

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#4

Musharaf: Agar mey Plane sey 1000 ka note phenkoon, to
Adviser: Aik Pakistani ka bhala hoga.
Musharaf: Agar 500 k 2 note, to
Adviser: 2 ka bhala hoga.
🙂 Musharaf: Agar 100 k 10 note, to
Advider: Is tarah to 10 ka bhala hoga magar aap jump laga do to poorey Pakistan ka
bhala hoga

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#5

Patni:Wo sharabi dekh rahe ho,10 sal pehle maine usse shadi k liye inkar kiya tha or wo aj tak pi raha hai. Pati:Wah itni lambi celebration.

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#6

Teacher to sardar :name five animals that live in water
Sardar:frog ,teacher and reamaining four .
sardar:frog de maa pio phen tay praah.

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#7

Ganguli’s son : Are dekho maa. Papa sixer pe sixer mare ja rahe hain. Gangulis wife : Beta ye ADVERTISEMENT hai !!! …..:-)

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#8

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega.
Friend2: Kyu
Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai Battery Low ab tak 56 battery badal chuka hoon!

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#9

Boy & gals playing Ludo…
Boy: Agar 1,2,3,4,5 aaya to i’ll Kiss u.
Gal: Wat Achha,aur 6 aya to
Boy:kabhi ludo nahi khela kya 6 aya
to dubara meri bari.

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#10

Rajnikant’s latest project- TITANIC in Tamil!
Climax revised!
Both survive!
Rajni swims Atlantic ocean!
Heroine in 1 hand, Titanic in other!
YANNA RASCALA! MIND IT!

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#11

Sardar ne makhi k par tor k kaha Urrr Jaa,
but…
makhi nai uri
sardar ne kaha
sabit hua agar makhi k par tor diye jain to makhi
sun nai sakti :)) :)) :))

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#12

Teacher: Sach aur veham mai kya fark hai
Stud: Aap jo hum ko pahra rahy hain wo sach hai lekin hum parh rahy hain ye apka veham hai:-)

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#13

Sorry for late SMS
Actually police arrested me for killing a girl
I swear I didn’t kill her
I just asked her ,”will u marry me ”
and
woh khushi se mar gaye:D:p

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#14

Boy to father: Baap idhar aa .
Mother: Aise nahin bolte beta,
Daddy ko izzat se bulate hai
Boy: Baap, izzat se idhar aa! .

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#15

1 Frnd:Yar Me Jis Larki Ko Chahta Hun,
Usne Mujhse Shadi Nhi Ki
2nd: Tumne Usy Bataya K Mera Chacha Karorpati Hai
1:Bataya Tha
2:Phir
1: Ab Wo Meri Chachi Hai.

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#16

Santa- Tu office me toh bada sher bana ghumta hai, ghar par kya ho jata hai
Banta- Hota to sher hi hoon par DURGA sawar ho jaati hai….

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#17

Prosecutor: Did you kill him Defendant: No, I did not. Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury Defendant: Yes, I do. And they’re a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.

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#18

James Bond once met a dog in a jungle and said:
i am Bond,
JAMES BOND
Dog bites him and said:
i am Kutta,
PAGAL KUTTA

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#19

Kisi ko board main number barhwane hon
to mujhe Naam or roll number Sms Kardain.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mai dua kronga..:->

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#20

Fauji officer- Jawan agar tum jangal me bhatk jao to kya karogay
Santa – Sir, hum GEEDAR dhund k marne ki koshish karenge.
Officer – wo kyu
Santa – Sir, jab GEEDAR ki maut aati hai to shehar ki tarf bhagta hai, aur hum us k piche – 2 shehar aa jaenge…

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#21

Teacher: what is meant by
I MISS YOU
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Is ka matlab hai
Mein tumhari miss hon!

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#22

Pathan Cycle Ka
Brake hath mein
Lekar nach
Raha Tha
Sardar: yeh kya kar rahe ho
Pathan: oye!
Yara dikhta nahi kya
BRAKE DANCE!
More Sms

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#23

Suno gaur se pepsi waalon..
Buri nazar na coke pe daalo..
chahe jitna mountain dew pila lo..
sabse aage hoga neembu paani.. neembu paani..

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#24

nurse mubarak ho khan sb aap k ghar larka peda hua hy pathan o mera khuda ya kesa technology hy b v mera hospital main hy or bache ghar peda hua hy.

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#25

Q: What is diff. between draft & cheque
A: Draft is like a WIFE who can be trusted, Cheque is like a GIRLFRIEND which can bounce anytime.

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#26

Girl Proudly Says: Meri 2Har Sans Pe1 Insan MartaH Boy: Yaar Phir Tum Koi Achha Tooth Paste Istemal Kyon Nhi Karti

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#27

Husbnd Make A Call 2 His Wife 4m His Office
BEGUM Muje UmAr Sharif K Drame K 2 Pass Mile Hain,
Begum: (WITH joy) Theek Hai Main Tyar hoNa Start Krti HooN
Husbnd: Haan Jaldi Karo,
Pass Kal K Show K Liye Hain.

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#28

Silly thng abt love- when u get little, u want more.. When u gt more, u desire evn more.
But
wen u loose it, u realise evn
‘little’ was
enough..

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#29

Should Women Have Children After 35
Banta Replied: No, 35 Children Are More Than Enough!

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#30

pandit- tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiyaan aayengi…
boy- kab aayengi
pandit- jyada khush hone ki jarurat nahi hai, 1 biwi aur 5 daughters hain…

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#31

Memon K Ghar Twins Peda Huye
Kisi Dost Ne Kha: Mubarak Ho 2 Bache Huey Hyn
Memon: Aray Yar Bas 1 Kafi Tha Mgr Tumhari Bhabi
Ko B Fazul Kharchi Ki Aadat Hy

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#32

Santa Ne god Se Pucha
Kya Mai Agle Janam Me
Gadha Ban Sakta Hoon
God Ne Jawab Diya
aap iss suvidha ka labh pehle hi le chuke hai

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#33

Santa- Agar nariyal k ped pe chhad jaun to Engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jaayengi
Banta- Zaroor!! Aur haath chhod dega to medical college ki bhi dikh jaayengi.. 😉

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#34

Jab kisi Pe Bura waqt Aata hai to Uske Dost Aur Parivaar Uske Peechhe khade hote hai.Yakeen na ho to kisi ki Bhi Shaadi ka Photo Dekh Lo.

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#35

Wife : ‘Do you want dinner ‘
Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices ‘
Wife: ‘Yes or no.’

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#36

Britsh:Why U Indians r in diffrent Colour
Pappu:Horses R in Diffrent Colour Bt Donkeys R all same!

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#37

Pathan: Bhai Sahab Time Kya Hua Hai..
Aadmi: Raat Ke 10 Baje Hain..!!
Pathan: Sala, Subah Se Pooch Raha Hoon,
Sab Alag Alag Time Bata Rahe Hain.. 😉

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#38

EK MAARWARI BUILDING KI 10VI MANZIL SE NICHHE GIR GAYA,
GIRTE GIRTE USNE APNI BIWI KO KHANA BANANTE HUE DEKH LIA,
VO GIRTE GIRTE BOLA,
‘BAAGWAN MERA KHANA MAT BANANA’

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#39

Three ants find an elephant asleep.
One says, We’ ll kill him!
Other one says, We’ ll break his legs!
3rd one says:
choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen..!! 🙂

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#40

Teacher:Who is a terrorist
Children:Terrorist is a tourist who comes from pakistan to india to celebrate Diwali**

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#41

Santa khali kadahi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana rahe ho Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..

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#42

Based on Newton’s 1st Law: Law of love Love neither be created nor be destroyed,
only it can be changed frm one girlfriend to another girlfriend

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#43

Wife : Kal rat tum nind me muje galiya de rahe the
Husband : Tumhe galat-fehmi hui he
Wife : Kaisi galat-fehmi
Husband : Yehi ki me nind me tha

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#44

Judge mujrim se btao tumhari akhari khwaish kya hai
Mujrim ek mobile nokia n81,
5 carore rupay,
Apki beti se shadi,
Usa ka viza,
2 sal ka honeymoon,
7 8 bachay jo apko nana nana kahe aur mujhe papa,
Un ki shadi karwo dun us k bad ap jo faisla kregye mujhe manzor hoga.

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#45

Teacher : Your son
is Very Good but
spends Too much time Thinking about Girls.
Mother : If you find
a solution, please advise.
His Father has
the Same Problem.

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#46

a pig & pigi go to a restorent pig orderd-1 malai potty, 1-sahi potty, 1-kadai potty 1-potty mixed. then pigi said-plz pyaz mat dalna smell aati hai

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#47

Aik Bihkari Ne Ghar Ke Bahir Se Awaaz Lagai:
Babu Jee Roti Milay Gi…
Andar Se Awaz Aai:
” Biwi Ghar Per Nhi Hai”
Bihkari:
Me Ne Roti Mangi Hai “Chummi” Nhi..

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#48

Why did HARBHAJAN slap Srisanth.. Aftr d match he asked Bhajji Oye Paji, LOG CHLOROMINT KYU KHATE HAIN Bhajji slapped & said DUBARA MAT POOCHHNA

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#49

During marriage ceremony why is the man made to sit on horse or in the car
ans: god gives him a last chance to escape

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#50

Santa Beti ki shadi k liye 24saal ka ladka dekne gaya.Vaha se biwi ko fone kiya- oh gal sun!24 da koi munda ni milya.12-12 de 2 chalenge