Jokes – Set 89 – 2017

#1

Santa-Tum Meri Shadi Mai Aaoge Na?Banta-Mai Un Logo Mai Se Nahi,Jo Musibat Ke Waqt Dost ko Akela Chhod De.Main Zarur Aaunga.

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#2

Girl:Tum Hafte Main Kitni Bar Shave Karte Ho?Boy: Hafte Main Nahi, Din Main 30 Se 40 Baar.Girl: Kya. . . ! Tum Pagal Ho?Boy: Nhi, Main ‘NAAYI’ Hoon.

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#3

Santa: 1 Kg Pakora denaHalwai ne jaise hi tel me garm karke nikala Santa: Abe kanjoos, Pani me dho ke de raha hai, kuch surf saboon to dal deta

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#4

Doctor: Kamjori hai fruit khaya karo chhilke sahitAfter one hourSanta: Mera pet dard ho raha haiDoctor: kya khaya thaSanta: Nariyal chhilka sahi

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#5

Circuit: ßhai Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalaat kyun Kehte Hain,? Bhai: Kyunki Jail Mein KhaneKo Sirf Hawa Aur Laat Hi Milti Hai.’

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#6

Ek adami santa se 1 Kg laddu lene aata haiAdam: Isme to chinti haiSanta: Aap naaraj na ho, aapko laddo pure 1 Kg dunga, chinti jitana weight extra de dunga

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#7

Santa Bus me ja raha tha ek laraki se takragayaLarki boli: Thappar khana haiSanta: MEra to pet bhara hua hai, Aap kisi aur se puchh le

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#8

1bhikari ki lotry lagi to vo 1mandir banvata h2nd bhikari:yar tu mandir Q bnva rha h?1st Bhikhari:Qki iske samne me akela bhik manguga

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#9

Santa:Mere dada ne 1947ki jang me dushman ki taange kat di thiBanta:Gardne Q nahi katiSanta:Wo pehle se hi kati padi thi.

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#10

GOLU to MOLU-Meri bakri ne anda diya HGOLU-Bakri kaise anda de sakti heM-Abe gadhe Maine APNI murgi ka nam bakri rakha h

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#11

Santa ek mobile bechane wale se larai kar raha thaLogon ne puchha kya huvaSanta: Mene mobile kharida to bola tha mobile me lock bhi h, Ab ye tala, chhabi kuch nahi de raha

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#12

child donkey: mummy mai kis ke saath khelu, sabhi donkey kam me vyast hai.Mother donkey: thodi der ruk beta uncle abhi sms padh kar free ho jayenge.

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#13

Santa: Mere panv me khujali aa rahi haiJyotishi: videsh yatra ka yog hS: Hath meJ: Paise aane ka yog hS: Pet meJ: Swadisht bhojan ka yog hS: Mathe peJ: Abe khujale doctor ke pass ja mere pass kyon aaya h

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#14

changu- yaar mangu bahut der se neend nahi aa rahi hai.mangu- koi baat nahi tu uska wait mat kar aur so ja.

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#15

Santa: Biscuit ka packet kharid kar do barabar- barabar tor raha thapuchha kyonSanta: Pretto ne bola tha 50- 50 Biscuit lane hai

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#16

Santa: Kal maine Hinjaro ke Raja ko dekha thaBanta: Kahan, kya naam haiSanta:Yuvraj Singh, Sab usko angreji me bol rahe the, SIXER KING

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#17

Andha Aadmi-bhabhi ye lo ladduBhabhi naha rahi thi soch ki andha haibina kapdo ke bahar aa ke boli- ye kis liye,Andha- Meri aankhe thik ho gai..

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#18

Santa’s Army TestPappu- 3+5?Santa- 8Pappu- 7+3?Santa- 10Pappu- 8+8?Santa- Pata nahi sirMere pass sirf 10 hi ungli Hai.

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#19

Banta: Ek Uncle Chips ka pura packet kha leta haiKhane ke baad sochata haiAd me to Bol rahe the ki lips bolenge lekinMere to Hips bol rahen hai

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#20

Banta: Tum Cricket dekhate hoSanta: HanBanta: Kisi Mahila Cricket Player ka naam bataoSanta: Simple, Mahila Jayewardane

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#21

boss 2 employee tumne iss sal mehnat se kam kiya h y lo 5000 rs ka cheque,agar isi tarah kam karte rahoge to sign b kar dunga

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#22

Santa joins as accountantWo Pen ke sath scissors bhi le jata haipucha kyonSanta: Mujhe Cheque bhi to Katane hai

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#23

Banta: chal bahar chalte hai, taazi hawa kha kar aate haiSanta: Tu chal me Chammaj Plate lekar aaya

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#24

Santa Ki Gf Romantic Mood mai thi usne santa se kaha mere gahr koi nahi hai aa jaaoSanta-tu mere ghar aajamere ghar sab log hain.Tera man lag jaayega.

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#25

Biwi, husband se- Tumhe mere rishtedaar pasand nahi!Husband: Kya baat kar rahe ho! Mujhe apni saas se achhi tumhaari saas lagti hai!

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#26

Santa ki Maa Ki tabiyat kharab thi, Hospital gaye to Doctor ne kaha ki ‘Test’ Hongi. Santa: Inki umar zyada hai test nahi One-Day ya T-20 karwa lo

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#27

Machhar apne pote se-beta hmare jmane me khoon choosna itna aasan nhi hota tha.Pota-QDada- Kyonki us jmane me ldkiya pure kapde jo pahankar soti thi.

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#28

Girl- Ye ratein Ye hawaein Ye chandni Ye ghataye Ye nadiya Ye kinare Boyfnd-Abe Tu pyar kr rahi he ya mausam ki jankari de rahi Hai .

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#29

Ladki_ maa…ye padosi ka ladka mujhe baar baar kiss kar k bhag jata hai maa muskura ke boli_bada shararti hai… bilkul apne baap par gaya hai

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#30

Jyoitishi: Tere upper shani ki dash hai 1100/ do, dasha hata dungaBanta: Mere pass nahi haiJyotishi: To 101/ de doBanta: Nahi haiJyotishi: 11/ de doBanta: Abhi to nahi haiJyotishi: phir chinta mat karo Rahu Ketu Shani tino milkar bhi tumhara kya bigaar lenge

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#31

Boy:Mai tumhare liye sab chhod dunga Girl:Maa,Papa? Boy:Haan Girl:Apne Dost? Boy:HaanGirl: daru?Boy: Didi ghar jao, Aapke papa parishan ho rahe honge.;-)

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#32

American ne India ka masaledaar dinner liya,Agli subah toilet se nikalte hi bola,Ab samjha Indians Q paani se dhote Hai,Tissue paper to aag pakad lega….

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#33

GADHE k samne 1 PANI ki, 1 DARU ki BALTI rakhi.GADHA PANI P gaya.POLICE ne SHARABI se puchha:tune isse kya seekha?SHARABI:jo DARU nahi pita Wo GADHA hai

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#34

NURSE-AAPKE JUDWA BACHCHE HUE HAIN. SANTA-YE TO HONA HI THA.PROGRAMME HI AISE HI DEKHTI THI-KBC2,INDIAL IDOL2.DHOOM2. NURSE-ACHCHHA HUA K DELHI6 NAHI DEKHI.

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#35

Preeto: me bahar ja rahi hun aapke liyer coocker me khichari set kar di hai, 2 2 siti laga kar kha lena.Santa: Muhn se 2 siti laga kar coocker kholta hai aur bolta hai lagata aaj usne mujhe oollu bana diya

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#36

Santa goes for railway reservationSanta: Mera AC chair car ka reservation kar denaRailwayman: Seat nahi haiSanta: Aap reservation kare seat ki chinta na kare, ek kursi me ghar se le lunga.

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#37

Banta to Santa: Tumhaare income ka source kya haiSanta: Maine apne upper ka portion kisi ko rahane kiraye par diya haiBanta:kamaal hai wo pure din tumaher upper kaise rahata hai

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#38

Santa: Kahan se bol rahe ho?Banta: Mobile se.Santa: Main puchh raha hun konsi jaga se bol rahe ho.Banta: Muhn se bol raha hun.

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#39

adam: Hi darling!Eve: Bolo.Adam: Do you love me?Eve: No, never.Adam: Why?Eve: abbe ! mere paas option kahan hai??? ( There is no other option!!!)

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#40

ek larki ney pathan sey kaha’kiya aap ko pata hai aj womens day hai’pathan ney ghabra k kaha:’kamal hai, jab hum ghar sey nikala tab to friday tha’;-)

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#41

father:jao beta meray liye ek glass pani ley k ao.beta:abu mein nai jasakta, mein game khel raha hun.2nd beta:choreye abu ye to hai he batamezaap khudi ja k pe lein

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#42

maa – beta mojhe vikram betal ki fils dekhni haineta = woh vikram betal nahi woh bacchans ki paa film hai

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#43

ek admi ped ki dal par har roj beth jat tha aur wo pagal ho chuka tha bato kyonkyonki usne mba ki thi apne ko branch manager samjt tha

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#44

Feron k waqt Pandit n mehmano s puchha: Kisi ko iss shaadi pe aitraaz to nahi?1 shaks: Mujhe hai !Pandit: Tum chup raho, Tum dulhe ho!

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#45

Santa Delhi se Meerut ja raha hota haiSuddenly Santa bolta hai: Jaldi chalao, fast nahi to hame kachhe raste se jana paregaDriver: KyonSanta: are bewkoof padha nahi, Ye sarak to Haridwar jaane wali hai, pata nahi kabh chali jaye

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#46

1 gareeb ladke ki shaadi ho rhi thi.Pandit: kaho main apni patni koo apna sab kuch dene ki shapat leta hun…peeche se awaaz aayi ‘lo bechaare ki cycle bhi gye’…

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#47

Lalu: Vidwaano ne kaha hai Ki ‘MURKH KI BIWI BAHUT SUNDAR HOTI HAI. Rabadi: ‘Dhat! Aapke paas to hamaar taarif k alawa kauno kaam nahi hai!..

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#48

Tution sir:Abey Gadhey, Homework kyun nahi karta hai tu!Modern Student:Tameez Se Baat Kar, Saale Customer se aise baat karte hai kya?..?

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#49

ladki ka baap-tum mere ladki se kitne mahine se pyaar karte ho.Boy-char mahine se .Baap-main kaise maanu.Boy-aur paanch mahine ruko,yakin ho jaayega

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#50

Teacher:Children whom do u hate The most?LKG Boy:Rajaram Mohan Roy.Teacher: oh God!! Y do U hate him?LKG Boy:He abolished Child Marriage