Jokes – Set 91 – 2017

#1

Faqeer to Men: Allaha ke naam pe de do Men: Maf karo babaFaqeer: Kuch to de doMen: Achha baba jo SMS pad raha hai usko le jaoFaqeer: Maine Bhikh mangi hai bhikari nahin

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#2

1 Molvi Dua maang raha tha: Ya ALLAH Shahadat ki mout Dey.Paas betha 1 Baba bola:Molvi G Jihaad te tussi jana Nai te Halway wich Bomb kisi ne pana nai.

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#3

girl to bf= is week roz movie dekhenge nxt week rooz shoping karengebf=uske nxt week hum rooz mandir ke bahar bethengegirl=aisa kyo?bf=bheek mangne

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#4

1 indian ne 1 chinese ladki se shadi ki.1 saal bad hi wo mar gai.Usey rota dekh uska dost bola:Afsos he,par soch China ka maal aur kitna chalega.

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#5

Shaadi k din patni pati se: ‘SUNO JI!!! Aaj se AAPKE bina MAI nahi MERE bina aap nahi’10 saal baad patni:’KUTTE!!! Aaj ya to TU nahi ya MAI nahi’

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#6

Kid-aunty,mummy ne 1 katori chini mangai haiaunty-chini k sath haste huye boli, acha or kya kaha mummy ne? kid-kaha vo kutiya na de to sharma ji se le ana

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#7

Bhakt-panditji aisi patni ko kya kahenge jo beautiful ho,intelligent ho,understanding ho,kabhi jealousy na kare aur ek badhiya cook ho ? Pandit-AFWAAH

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#8

Ek Raat light chali gayi SANTA:Aree yaar pankha to chala doo,banta: Kar dii na paglo wali baat?pankha chala diya to mombati bhuj jayegi.

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#9

1 choti si larki shop keeper k pas gayi or boli.Jab main bari ho jaon gi to mujse shadi karo ge,Shopkpr. Hans k bola han kar lunga.Larki boli to kia apni hone wali wife ko 1 choclate bhi nahi de sakte.

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#10

Principal-batao Shivji ka dhanush kisne toda tha.Boy-Ghabrakar,Sir,such keh raha hoon maine nahi toda.Principal-Master Sahab!aap kya padha rahe hain bachon ko.Master-Sir!ye theek kah raha hai,isne dhanush nahi toda.Ye to kal school hi nahi aaya tha.

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#11

santa – radio pe gaane sun raha tha papa tehte hai bada naam karega.maa – bijli ka bill tera baap bharega………………………….

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#12

Teacher:Beta tum iss class me 3 saal se fail ho rahe ho.Tumhari umar me Shashtriji matric pass kar chuke the.Student:Sir,gyan mat bantiye.Aapki umar me Bhagat Singh fansi chad chuke the!!!

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#13

Santa ko exam mein koi sawal ka answer nahin aata tha, santa ne har sawal ke neeche ///////// lines laga di or likha Scratch kar ke answer padh lena.

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#14

santa:chal race lagate hain, jo harega wo rs.1000 dega. banta :thik hai par mujhe rasta nahi pata . santa:bas tu mere peece peeche rehna. banta :thanx bhai.

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#15

teacher: wo konsi chiz hai jo tum roz dekh to sakte ho par tod nahi sakte .student: apka mooh…….

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#16

Ahmad: hum 25 behan or bhai haiKarim: kya tumhare ghar family-Planning wale nahi aaye the,Ahmad: aaye the par school shamaj kar chale gaye……

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#17

Santa:-Yaar Ans sheet pe kya likhun??Banta:-Yehi Ki’IS SHEET PAR LIKHE GAYE ANS KALPNIK HAIN JINKA KISI BHI BOOK SE KOI SAMBANDH NAHIN HAI’

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#18

preeto poti test karvane gayi dr. ne kaha-ye poti nahi halwa hai.preeto-ek phone kar lu.dr.-kyo?preeto-santa ji ko batana hai ki unke tiffin mein poti chali gayi hai.

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#19

Father: wht abt ur result?Son: wo headmaster saab ka beta fail ho gaya…F: wht abt urs?S: wo khan saab ka beta fail ho gaya.F: n wt abt ur?S: Wo dr. Saab ka..F: u idiot m asking abt urs?S: to aap kon se prime minister h jo aap ka beta paas hoga

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#20

Pappu 2 God: Plz give me 1 bag full of money, a job and 1 big vehicle full of gals.God: Bless u!2day Pappu is a bus conductor of a Girls College.

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#21

By mistake santa entered into a ladies toilet, All the ladies stood up. santa -BAITHO-BAITHO,IZZAT DIL ME HO BAS YAHI KAAFI HAI…|||’

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#22

Santa naha rha tha,dost ne awaz lagai,santa nanga hi bahar aa gaya dost-kuch to pahen leta yaar,santa bhag k andar gaya or “chappal pahen kar aa gaya.

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#23

SANTA 1ST TIME PLANE ME BETHA.. PLANE RUNWAY PER DOR RAHA THA.. SANTA NE PILOT KO THAPPAD MARA OR BOLA.. ABE SALE DEER HO RAHI HAI OR TU BY ROAD JA RAHA HAI….

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#24

1 GADHA RO RO KER DUA KER RAHA THA? YA KHUDA MUJHE PADHNE KI TOFIQ DE? 1 DIN USKI DUA QABOOL HUYE OR WO YE SMS BHI PADH RAHA HAI

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#25

WIFE-KITCHEN SE. AJI SUNTE HO DEKHO ME AJ KAL BOHAL KHOBSURAT HO RAHI HUN…HUSBEND-TUMNE KAISE JANA?WIFE-AJ KAL MERI KHOBSURTI DEKH KER ROTI BHI JALNE LAGI HAI…

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#26

Santa Banta se:Bhai ye khushiyan kya hoti hain?Banta:Pata nahi bhai,meri to kam umar me hi shadi ho gayi thi..

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#27

bahu ki vidai k baad ghar aane pe saas ne kaha ‘beti aaj se mujhe ma or apne sasur ko papa kehna.. sham ko pati k aane par biwi boli, maa bhaiya aa gaye…

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#28

Dadi ko ‘BHAGWAT GEETA’ ka path karte dekh pota apni ma se bola- Ma dadi kon se xam ki Tyaari kar rahi he, Ma boli- Beta dadi ‘FINAL’ ki tyari kar rhi he…g.m

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#29

Bhakt-Baba Koi aisa job batao,jaha mujhe kam na karna pade,Log apna kam khud kare aur mujhe paise bhi de. SWAMIJI-Ja beta,SULABH SHOUCHALAY me Naukri kar le..

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#30

Aik pathan pani pee raha tha…Ab kya?Pathan pani b nhi pee skta?? Is par bhi joke chahiye?Jaan lay lo pathanon ki.

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#31

SantaJaldi se 1 Glass Juice Do Larai Hone Wali haiPeny Ke Bad1 Glass aur do Larai Hone Wali HaiJuice WalaLarai Kb Hogi?Santa:Jab To Paise Mange ga

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#32

1 pagal khali paper ko bar bar choom raha tha.2pagal:Ye kya hai?1Pagal: Love letter hay2pagal:Magar ye to khali hay1Pagal: Aaj kal bol chal band hai:-

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#33

Teacher ne SHARAB ka nuqsan batany k liye1 KEERA SHARAB me dala to wo mar giaTeachr:Ap Ne Kia Seeka?studnts: SHRAB penay se Pait k keeray marte hain

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#34

Ek jatt jungle me se ja raha tha itne me ek bhutni acnak aa gayi aur boli-ha ha he he ho ho hey hey me chudail hu,jatt-re bawli dekhti kya h chipat ja

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#35

Ek Aadmi Raat ko apne ghar gaya.Darwaza knock kia.Biwi: Kon?Admi: Guddu ka Abbu!Biwi: Haye main Marr Jaawan,Phir Andar kon hai?

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#36

Wife To Husband: Tum Mujhe Maar Kar,Mera Sab Kuch Harrap Karna Chahtay Ho.Husband: Chal!Barri Aai, Benazir.

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#37

Bhikari Pathan sy!mujhy khaany ko kuch mill sakta hy.Pathan:kal ki Roti kha lo gy?bhikari: G han bilkul.Pathan: acha to phir kal Time se Aa jana… ;->

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#38

Question Paper in year 2050:1. Name the cities of Pakistan where Electricity is found.2. How does Sugar taste? Explain in your Own words.3. Draw a Neat and Labeled Diagram of a Suicide Jacket.4. In Ancient Times, What was Petrol Used for? Support your answer with examples

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#39

Santa: Dr.sahab main jb BV ko kiss karta hu to us k muh seSmell aati hai.Dr.“kamal hai jb mainne check kya tha tb to lipstick ki khushbu aarahi thi”

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#40

Ik husband apni wife ke kirya kram (cremation) kar ke ghar lot raha tha.Tabhi asman me jor se bijli chamki aur badal garje.Husband bola: Lagta hai pohonch gayi.

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#41

Modern world-Ek aadmi ka Ye Sun Kar Heart fail Ho Gaya Jab uski Kaam Waali Baai Ne Kaha, Sahab!Orkut Pe Mujhe Bhi Add Karlo;-)

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#42

MASTER G Class Me-Agar sache dil se GOD se prathna ki jaye to wo puri hoti haiLADKA-Rahne do sir, agar aisa hota to aaj aap mere sir nahi sasur hote.

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#43

Doctor – ye mar chuka hai.. (tabhi mariz bol pada) – main zinda hu..!Mareez ki biwi boli – Tum chup raho ji, hamesha apni chalate ho, itna bada doctor kya jhut bolega?

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#44

Santa:main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.BANTA: wow kab?SANTA: meri 7 dec ko aur uski 13 jan ko.

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#45

Mohabbat Kia Hai?……….JoYaqeen Ban K Soch MeUmmeed Ban K Ankh MeRaonaq Ban K Chehre PeAitmad Ban K Baato MeaurEhsas Ban KDil Me Rahe.

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#46

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, “Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!”

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#47

Husb: Aj Koi Aysi Bat Kho., Jisse Dil Khush b ho Jaye or Jal b Jaye., Wife: Apke k sb Frnd’s me sb se Acchi KISS Krne ka Style Apka h..

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#48

Santa 500 k note pe likha number dial kr rha tha. Banta = kya kr rhe ho? Santa= mai dekh rha hu, gandhiji to chale gye par unka mobile kiske pass hai?

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#49

Santa to banta: Yaar koi aisa gift bataa jo seedha teri bhabi ke dil per lage… Ruk sochne de….Banta: Goli mar de [?]

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#50

santa ki bewi mar gai–sardar ji kafan leny gia—dukandar nay kafan ka kaprra dia—–santa kuch bola ,, jisay sun ky dukandar bay hosh ho gia.. santa.. is may aur colors dikawo