Jokes – Set 102 – 2017

#1

Husband drinking and said: Tum kon ho ?Biwi: Pagal ho gaye ho kiya?apni Biwi ko bhee bhoul gaye Kiya?HUSBAND: Nasha har ‘gham’ bhula deta hay.

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#2

How BEDROOM Smells Aftr MARRIAGE1st 3MONTHS-Perfumes,Flowers,After 1-3YEARS-Baby Powdr,Cream,Lotions,After 10-13YEARS-Vicks,Zandu Balm..

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#3

Santa- yar tere our bhabhi ki jodi to Ram-Sita ki jodi hai.Banta- kahan yar, na to yeh dharti me samati hai our, na he ise koi utha k le jata he….

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#4

If time doesn’t wait for u,don’tworry..! just remove the battery from clock andenjoy life..!!great people great thoughts..what an Idea..!!!

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#5

Police arrested a drunkard asked: Where r u going?Man: I’m going 2 a lecture on ill effects of drinking.Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnight?Man: My wife…

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#6

Teacher: Y ru late? Student: Mom & Dad wer fighting Teacher: Dey wer fighting so ur late? Student: One Shoe was wid Dad & d othr was wid Mom

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#7

Wat r d 3 questions most commonly asked by lawyers? 1. Hw much money do u have? 2. Whr can u get more? 3. Do u hav nything u can sell?

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#8

Police: Do you know what is the correct way of getting bail. Judge: Yes, a note of Rs 100 under the table.

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#9

Old Version: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.. but the Newer Version: Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

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#10

The Singer Boy friend: You really sing very well. Girl Friend: Oh no I am just a bathroom singer! Boy friend: Well, then why you and I don’t practice singing together!

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#11

Santa: R U going 2Boss’ funeral?BANTA: Oh No, I m Working 2day.My motto is business b4 Pleasure

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#12

Joke:Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work,why dont you do that? Husband:How can I? I dont even know her. Hav a great nite ahead…

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#13

Hi I sent u many msgs but I’ve not received even a single msg frm u,So I’ll delete ur number,Good bye.Santa sent dis msg 2 customer care.

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#14

Chintu: Papa What’s the Difference Between
Mother’s Tears & Wife’s Tears?
Father: Mother’s tears Affect your HEART,
And
Wife’s Tears Affect your POCKET. 🙂

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#15

Dada Apny Potay Se: Tumhary Teacher Aa rahay Hain,
Tm Chhup Jaao.
Pota: Pehle Aap Chhup Jaen,
Maine Aapki Mout Ka Bahana Bana Kar 2 Hafte Ki Chutti Li Hai. 🙂

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#16

Baap: Sharab, Cigarette, Larkiyan
Ye Sab Tumhari Jaan k Dushman Hain.
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Beta: Jo Shakhs Apne Dushmano Se Bhaag Jaye
Wo Mard Nahi Hota Abba. 🙂

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#17

Beta: Kya is Baar Papa Election Main Kharre Ho Rahe Hain?
Maa: Wo Mere Saamne To Khade Ho Nahi Sakte.
Election Mai Kya Kharre Honge?

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#18

Bacha Baap Se: Daddy Aaj Kal ki Aurton Par Yaqeen Nahi Karna Chahiye.
Baap: Beta Woh Kyon?
Bacha: Daddy Kal Teacher Keh Rahi Thi
3 or 3 6 Hote Hain.
Aur
Aaj Bolti hai 4 or 2 6 Hote Hain. 🙂

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#19

Fact About Women:
They Can see a Hair of a Girl on their Husband’s Coat
From 20 meters,
But can’t See a Pillar From 2 Meters
While Parking a Car. 🙂

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#20

A Sweet Demand By a Kid.
He was Beaten Up by his Mom.
Dad Asked What Happened Son?
Kid: I cant Adjust With Your Wife Anymore,
I Want My Own. 🙂

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#21

2 Twins Apny Kamry Mai Bethy Thy.
1 Hans Hans k Lot Pot ho Raha tha,
2nd Udaas Kony Mai betha Tha.
Baap: Tum itna Q Hans Rahy Ho?
Beta: Mummy ne Dono bar isi ko Nehla Diya. 🙂

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#22

Aaj Ka Hamara Unwaan Hai…
*’ MAA ‘*
Maa Kon Hoti Hai?
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Abbu Ki Wife.
Itna Bhi Nahi Pata? 🙂

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#23

An English Philosopher Said,
1 Aansu, Blood K 30 Drops k Equal Hai,
Agar Koi Aap k Liye Rota Hai,
Its means, Wo Aap k Liye Mar Raha Hai,
Wo Apni Jaan Donate Kar Raha Hai Tumhary Liye,
Its Great Sacrifice,
So, Sochne ki Baat Ye Hai K
English Philosopher ne Apni Philosophy Urdu Mai Kyon Jhaari.
Because
Uski English Mai Supply Thi. 🙂

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#24

1 Boy School Se Rota Hua Ghar Aaya:
Maa: Beta Kyo Ro Rahe ho?
Boy: Sir Ne Bohat Mara Hai Mujhe!
Maa: Q?
Boy: Sir Mere Dost Ko Daant Rahy Thy To Maine Dost ko Tasalli Di, Aur Ek Misaal di.
Mother: Konsi Misaal?
Boy: Jo Bhonktey Hain Woh Kaat’tey Nahi. 🙂

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#25

Maa: Aaj School Se Itni Jaldi Aagaye?
Son: Machar Maara To Teacher Ne Chutti De Di.
Maa: Aisa Kyon?
Son: Machar Teacher k Gaal Par Betha Tha na. 🙂

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#26

Teacher ne 1 Bachhe ki Mom ko Likha:
Bache ko Nehla k Bheja Karen.
.
.
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Mom Ne Note Parhne K Baad Likha:
Bachhe ko Parhaya Karen, Soongha Na Karen. 🙂

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#27

Maa: Beta Khana Khaega?
Beta: Nahi
Mom: Beta Chocolate Khaega?
Beta: Nahi
Mom: Beta Mithae Khaega?
Beta: Nahi
Mom: Baap Pe Gaya Hai.
‘JOOTIYAN’ He Khaega. 🙂

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#28

NAAM
NAAAM
NAAAAAM
NAAAAAAAAAM
NAAAAAAAAAAAAM
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Papa Kehtay Hain
Bara NAAM Karey Ga. 🙂

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#29

Baap Betey Se: Beta Btao ‘ALIF’ Se Kya Aata Hai?
.
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Beta: Ye ‘ALIF WALIF’ Se Aaj Kal Kuch Nahi Aata.
.
Sab Paisey Se Aata Hai. 🙂

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#30

Son: Papa What’s the Difference Between Mother’s Tears and Wife’s Tears?
Father: Mother’s Tears hit Your Heart
&
Wife’s Tears Hit Your Pocket.

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#31

Aao!
Aaj Hum Dono Wada Karen.
K
Hum Zindagi Bhar Pyar Karengy.
Hum Wafa Karengy.
Hum Muhabbat Karengy.
Sirf Aur Sirf Apni.
Pyari
‘AMMI JAAN’ Se. 🙂

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#32

Cutest Story Ever:
Kid: Mom I love You more than You Love Me
Mom: How Can You Prove this my Son?
Kid: Because you’ve 2 sons n I’ve only one Mother.
SHHO SWEEET.

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#33

Husband: Tum Aesi Roti Nahi Paka Saktin,
Jesi meri Ammi Pakati Thin.
Wife: Paka Sakti Hon.
Agar Tum Bhi Aisa Aata Goondho,
Jesa Tumhare Abbu Goondha Karty Thy. 🙂

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#34

Most Superior Example of Love in My life .
When Apples are 4 & We Are 5
Then my mother
Says, ‘I don’t Like Apples.’
(Bu Ali Seena)

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#35

MOMMY To CHILDREN: Jo Meri Baat Manay Ga.
Aur Meray Aagay Kuch Nahi Bolay Ga.
Main Usay Gift Dongi.
Chota Bacha: Lo G! Is Tarah To Saray Gifts Abbu Le Jayengy. 🙂

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#36

Saas Bahu Se: Aaj Se Tum Mujhe MAA Or Apny Sasur Ko PAPA Kehna.
Bahu: Samajh Gai.
Sham Ko Uska Pati Ghar Aya to Boli:
Maa! Bhaiyya Ghar Aa Gaye hain. 🙂

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#37

Jab Main Chhota Tha Na!!!
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Tab Bhi Aise He Tang Karta Tha. 🙂

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#38

Waldain ki Faryaad Aulaad k Naam:
Jis Din Tum Humain Boorha Dekho
Sabr Krna Aur Humain Samajhney ki Koshish Karna.
Jab Hum Khatey Huey Gandagi Karen
Aur Apne Gandey Kapre Badal Na Saken To.
Wo Waqt Yaad Krna Jab Hum Tumhary Gandey Kaprey Badalty Thay.
Jab Hum Koi Baat Bhuul Jayen To Hum Par Tanz Na Krna Aur
Apna Bachpan Yaad Krna.
Jab Hum Boorhey Ho Kar Chal Na Payen To Humara Sahara Banna
Aur
Apna Pehla Qadam Yaad Karna.

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#39

Chinese Larki Ko Dekh Kar MAA Boli:
Beta Ye Kis Ko Le Aye ho?
Son: Ammi G! Aap Ne Khud He To Kaha Tha K.
Ghar Aatay Huye Cheeni Letay Aana. 🙂

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#40

Ek Burhay Kisaan ne Apne betay ko Jail mai khat likha:
‘Pyaray Betay!
Mai is Saal Aalo ki Fasal Nhi Bo Sakta.
Mjhse Khait ki khudai Nahi ho rahi hai,
Kash Tum Meri madad kar sakte.’
Betay ne Jawab Diya: Abba! Khait Mat khodna,
Wahan maine Aslaha Chupaya huwa hai.
Aglay din Police ne Saray Khait ki khudai kar di lekin Unhen wahan kuch nhn mila.
Betay ne Phir Khat likha:
Abba! Ab Aap Aalo ki Fasal Bo sakte hain!
Mai yahan se Aap k liye itna hi kar sakta tha! 🙂

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#41

Ek Dafa ka Zikar hai k:
Ek Raja aur Rani ki Shadi kay baad achanak Moat hogayee.
To Phir….
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Neechay Kia Laash Dhoond Rahe Ho?

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#42

Kid: Daddy ye School kia hota hai?
Father: Ye Woh jaga hai,
Jahan Parents ko Loota
Aur Bachon ko Koota jata hai. 🙂

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#43

Angel Said: I can’t be everywhere to help you…
So I Created MOTHER…
Devil Said: Me too can’t be everywhere…
So I Created.
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MOTHER-IN-LAW. 🙂

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#44

Saas ne apne 3 Daamadon ki mohabbat azmanay k liye
un k samnay darya(river) mai chalang laga di..
1 Damaad ne uss ko bacha liya!
Us ko saas ki taraf se Jeep mil gayi
2nd day yei drama huwa…
Dusre damaad ne b bacha liya!!
Us ko motor cycle inaam mili
3rd day phr yei hua
Teesre ne socha mere liye cycle hi reh gayi hai…
Kya zarurat hai bachaanay ki!!
Saas doob gai.
Aglay din uss damaad ko
Rolls Royce car mil gayi
Susar ki taraf se. 🙂

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#45

Ek utility store k bahar lambi line thi:
1 Aadmi bar bar line mai ghusta, log usko pakr k peechay phenk dete.
Aadmi: Lage raho, Main Bhi Aaj Store Nahin Kholunga. 😀

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#46

Whats the Best Punishment For a Woman?
Give her New Clothes,
Matching Jewelery &
Nice Cosmetics…
And then
Lock her in a Room
Without a Mirror. 🙂

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#47

Girl: Papa 1 Larka baar baar mujhe I LOVE YOU Bolta Hai.
Kya Karon?
Papa: Beta Us se shadi kar le.
Zindagi Main agar dobara bol de to Mera Naam Badal Dena. 🙂

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#48

Bad News:
Meri Car Green Hills Se Gir k Tabah Ho Gai,
Driver Moqa Per Mar Gaya,
Aap Sab Friends Se Request Hai K Dua Krain,
I Hope Next Time Aisa Nai Ho Ga.
Because
Ab Main
‘NEED 4 SPEED Underground’ Khelon Ga.

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#49

Son:What has 50 legs, big blue eyes on stems, and a red body with green stripes?
Dad: I give up, What?
Son: I don’t know either, but it’s crawling on your collar right this minute.

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#50

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said: It was Mom.
Father: How do you know?
Girl: She didn’t say anything.