Jokes – Set 106 – 2017

#1

Hindi teacher ne Santa & Banta ko ped par ulte latakne ki saza di.

Thodi der latakne ke baad Santa neeche gir gaya.

Hindi Teacher: Thak gaye kya ?
…
Funny Santa: Nahi pakk gaya !

—– —
#2

By Mallik
Unbeatable Luv of Rajnikanth 4 his GF-

Gf: Mera koi picha karte rehta he.

…Rajni: ok i’l C it..
…
Nxt day..

Gf:Hey wer is My Shadow? B-) 🙂

—– —
#3

?1 day Rajnikanth got angry on his sweeper boy..

He kicked him so hard that he went flyin in d sky wit his broom..

Today that boy is famous as ?HARRY POTTER? 🙂

—– —
#4

By Umesh

Santa calls wife: Ghar nahi aa sakta… Car ka stearing, gear, break sab chori ho gaye…

After 1hr, he calls: Aa raha hu, galti se pichli seat pe baith gaya tha…

—– —
#5

Teeth said to Tongue:’If
i just press u little, u’ll get cut.

‘Tongue replied: ‘if I misuse One
word against some1, den all 32 of u’ll come Out..;-):-)

—– —
#6

Santa?s
THEORY OF MOTION Santa badly wanted to be known as a great man. So
after long research he made a new addition to Newton?s Law. And was
awarded the 2010 Nobel Prize for his new ‘Theory of Motion’

…and it says
….. ‘Loose Motion can never be done in Slow Motion’

—– —
#7

Do you know why a santa kept the door open while taking a bath?

Because he was scared that someone might see through the ?KEY HOLE?.

—– —
#8

Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Santa: BA

Professor:For sodium?
Santa: NA
…
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Santa: BANANA

—– —
#9

?1st friend (Dukhi hote huye dusare friend se bola): Yar meri billi mar gai.
2nd friend: kaise mari?
1st friend : Yar maine use nahala diya tha.
2nd friend: Nahalane se bhi kahi billi marti hai?
1st friend: Nahi yar maine nahalane ke bad use nichoda bhi tha.

—– —
#10

Santa asks Priest: Why did god make women so beautiful?

Priest: So that you will love them.

Santa: But why did God make them so dumb?
…
Priest: So that they will love you.

—– —
#11

Rajinikanth shayari….irshaaaad…
Barish hui aur bheeg gaye hum wah wah
Barish hui aur bheeg gaye hum wah wah

Are aage kya hua?
…
Hona kya thaRajnikant ne phoonk mari aur sukh gaye hum…:-P

—– —
#12

CAT is outdated
Now the students have to prepare for RAT

Wondering what is it?

…RAJANIKANT APTITUDE TEST:)

—– —
#13

By Varun

Papa-Ye kya tumhare maths me 1marks aaya hai

Son-jab irado me ho dugni chamak to hoslo me q nhi
…:

Papa- wat?

sirf 2 zero ka fark hai papa aa jayenge……………..

—– —
#14

Sardar intrview: Boss: Tumhara janam kahan hua tha..?Sardar-Tiruvanantpuram mein… Boss: Spelling batao ?
Srdar: Mazak kar raha hun, Goa me hua tha.

—– —
#15

santa once dialed a number n said hello whose this From the other side-ya, it’s sita here Santa -oh shit !!!!!!!!!!! yeh toh ayodhya lag gaya

—– —
#16

By Arjun
Santa selling Parachute : Plane se kudo Button dabaao Aur aap Zameen par safely land ho jao.

Customer:Agar Parachute na khula to ?

… Santa: Oh ji Paise Wapas

—– —
#17

Santa looking at sky asks another

Santa :Is that a sun or moon?

Banta replies :Oye ! No idea?Im new to this city..

—– —
#18

By Sailee

Santa tells his dad, ?Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay?

Santa?s Dad:? Oye beta then punch him!!!?
…
Santa: ? No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!?

—– —
#19

By Virag,

Wife: I hate da Beggar who came yesterday!

Husband: Y?
…
Wife: I gave him food yesterday n 2day he gifted me Book ‘How 2 Cook’!!

—– —
#20

Jeeto: U know, husband wife aren’t allowed to be together in heaven

Santa: Yes, I do.That’s why it’s called heaven!

—– —
#21

By Nitesh

Child: God. plz i don’t want 3rd world war.

God: Why? Do u luv ur country so much?Child:
…
No god. i’m weak in history…!I can’t study another war…

—– —
#22

By Arsh,

Santa asked Banta how was d test??

Banta: it was nice.. 1st question was, what is the past tense of think??
…
I THAUGHT and THAUGHT for long.. and finally I wrote THUNK..:)

—– —
#23

Robert: America mein WAAR ho gaya boss!!!
Ajit: Us mein kyaa rakhaa hai Bloody Fool!!! India mein roz ‘WAAR’ hota hai. Bolo kaise???
Robert: nahin maaloom Boss!!!
Ajit: Arre ulloo!!! SOMWAAR, MANGALWAAR, BUDHWAAR…

—– —
#24

A Dog Fell In LoveWith a CatButDog’s

ParentsRefused CatGuess Why?They Gave a Solid Reason.

Ladki To MUCHHO Wali hai:-D

—– —
#25

By Nihar

Once an ant and an elephant loved each other chitti ke parents hathi ko dekhne jaate hai

woh use reject kar deten hai why?????they have a solid reason… ladke ke daant bahar hai!!!!

—– —
#26

By Anish

Santa apne liye ladki dekhne gaya.
Ladki ke maa-baap ne kaha ki abhi to ladki padh rahi hai.
Santa: Koi baat nahi ji, ham ek ghante baad aa jaenge! 😀

—– —
#27

By Atul

Ram juice ka glass le ke baitha tha,Sham ayaa aur uska juice ka glass utha kar pee gaya,
Ram : Meri to kismet hi foot gayi hai, beta fail ho gaya,Wife dost ke sath bhag gayi, nal mein paani nahi hai, Nokarani aa nahi rahi hai, ghar mein light nahi hai,Uppar se juice ke glass mein Zehar dal ke peene ko rakha tha wo bhi ?TU PEE GA…YA?

—– —
#28

By Sherry,

1 behra scooter kheech k leja raha tha..

2 behra _ kya hua…? petrol khatam ho gaya kya…?
…
1st – nahi yr…petrol khatam ho gaya ..

2nd – acha..mujhe laga petrol khatam ho gaya..

—– —
#29

Boss: I’m giving u driver’s job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?

Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is DRIVING salary?

—– —
#30

Manager asked Santa at an interview.

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Santa: POST BOX

—– —
#31

Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajini Anna

and thenrefused to pay Him back!
. . . .

…That was the Last time anyone saw Dinosaurs!

—– —
#32

Aman gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary & his wife did nt speak 2 him for 3 mnths!! Was d Necklace fake ???? No, That was d Deal 🙂 🙂

—– —
#33

Teacher ‘who is the greatest man lived on face of earth’ and if any one replies this correctly…$20 is the rewards..
The US Kid says..Obama…wrong …Brit says St. Peters…wrong..
Banta says..’Jesus Christ’….teacher hails Banta and gives him $20,
The brit kid asks Banta…you are a sikh…why dint you say ‘waheguru’…
Banta says……’woh to mujhe dil main maloom tha…but business is business’…:)…ok

—– —
#34

Santa:wat is d opposite of achaar?
Banta:i dont know.
Santa:Onion.Banta:how?
Santa_achaar=pickle=peekal=pee kalopposite of pee kal=pee aajpee aaj=peeaaj=pyaj=onion. . . . .its so simple

—– —
#35

Chuhe ne hathi se kaha I LOVE YOU

hathi bola- tujhe dar nahi lagta ?

chuha ganeshji ke photo dikha ke bola ‘TUJH ME RAB DIKHTA HAI YARA MAIN KYA KARU’

—– —
#36

RATAN TATA hates AR REHMAN….guess y??…….

becoz..he made d song..’jiya jale, jaan jale *NANO* TALE DHUAN, CHALE DHUAN CHALE’..

—– —
#37

Pappu mandir wich bhagwaan aage ardas kerda hai ‘meri lottery har surat wich nikalni chahi diye’
bahar aande hi kisi ne usda purse lottery samet kad leya.. O dubara bhagwaan kol gaya ‘jee pehle kisi di na poori gal samajh leya kero fer action leya kero’ 😀 omg lolz

—– —
#38

Santa public toilet gaya or 1 ghante bad nikla

baher betha jamadar bola – 20 Rs

Santa – bathroom me betha thaCyber Cafe mai nahi

—– —
#39

Teacher 2 Santa : Tum mein kuch kamiya hai.

Next day Santa coat pant pahen ke aata hai.

Teacher : what’s this?
…
Santa : Raymond …THE COMPLETE MAN..

—– —
#40

After returning back from a foreign trip ,Santa singh asked his wife:

Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why? Santa singh: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

—– —
#41

Santa: Agar tu bata de ki meri tokri mein kya hai, to saare ande tere. Aur agar ye bata de ki kitne hain to 8 ke 8 tere..aur agar ye bhi bata de ki kiske hain to murgi bhi teri.

Banta: ABE YAAR KUCH HINT TO DE..!!

—– —
#42

Preeto to Santa:Have u Eaten Mooli Da Paratha??

Santa: NO..

Preeto: Jhoot Mat Bol Kameeney..!Lips Can Lie But Hips Dont Lie.,:-)

—– —
#43

Police: ye car parking mein cycle park kyun ki?Santa : Jab iradoon mein ho dugani chamak toh kapdon mein kyun nahi?Police : Kya?Santa: Sirf 2 pahion ka farak hai uncle, Aa jayegi……….!!!!

—– —
#44

Santa traveling 1st time in plane going to BOMBAY, while landing, he shouted : ‘BOMBAY-BOMBAY’,

air hostess : ‘ B-silent please ‘,

santa said : ‘ OMBAY – OMBAY…..!!!!!!!! ‘

—– —
#45

Doctor- I am sorry, operation k waqt 1 glove aapke pet mein reh gaya. Hame dobara operation karna padega.

Santa- Ro mat!!! 20 Rs le aur naya le aaiyo.

—– —
#46

Santa calls customer care: Sir, meri bhains ne mera sim kha liya.

Customer care: To mein kya karun?

Santa: yeh batao k roaming to nai lag rai na!

—– —
#47

Dis PJ can even damage ur nervous system.

Who is the leader of ducks?

Ans. Frog
…how?

Bcoz Frog is
‘mainduck’ 🙂

Posted by Nayan..Enjoy

—– —
#48

Hello Friends I am the admin of the page, If anyone wants to share any joke with us he/she can post it on our wall..if it would be a really cool joke…i will share it on the page with your name…Post it NOW!!!

—– —
#49

Santa driving on the wronG side of road
but beacme upset and say
shit yaaar
aaj fir Late ho gaya saare log waapis jaa rahe haiii
😛 😛 😀 😀 😀

—– —
#50

SANTA:mai to apne dosto ko bhul hi gaya tha , lekin ek film dekhi to sab yaad a gaye
BANTA:Kaun si film?
SANTA:KAMINEY