Cool Jokes – Set 3 – 2017

#1

Whenever You feel Sadness in your HEART,
Blackness in your EYES,
Paleness on your FACE,
Fragrance in your THOUGHTS,
It shows that you have deficiency of
‘Vitamin ME’

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#2

Buhut chahti hy mjhe pr iqrar nhi krti
Wo Pagal hy ya Nadan
Q izhar nhi krti
English me kehti hy I LOVE YOU
Urdu me kehti hy me tmse pyar nhi krti.

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#3

What Is Pure & Simple Definiti0n of Accounting?
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1+1=2
(In Private Sector)
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1+ 1= 11
(In Government Sector)

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#4

Lalu: Will you give me your vote?
Women: Not unless you Give me a Note.

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#5

Best way to propose a girl:
Take her to Sea.
Then say sit in a boat and
Then take the boat in the middle of Sea
Then Say
MARRY Me or Leave my Boat.

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#6

Apna mobile uthao, hamara dil apko kuch batana chahta hai..
Choro mobile wapas rakh do
Irada change ho gaya.
Phir kabhi…

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#7

Ladies
N
Gentalmen
Please
Put
Ur
Handz
Together
For
Clap
ND
Welcome
Dis
Outstanding
Sms
To
Ur
Inbox
By
Brillant
Txter..
Humbugg TheGreat

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#8

Kabhi kehte the dost humare.
Jaan mangoge to jaan bhi hazir hai.
Aaj sale apni biwi ko jaan kehte hai.
Aur mangte hai to inkar karte hai.

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#9

If you r an
‘Ice Cream’
u r so sweet
If u r a
‘Teddy Bear’
u r so soft
If u r a
*Star*
u r so bright
if you r my
*Friend* 🙂
oh my
*GOD*
you r so
LUCKY:-)

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#10

Train Me 1 Larke Ne Cigarete Jalai,
Pas Bethe Admi Ne Usse Kaha;
Cigarete k Dhuwai’n Se Meri Tabyat Khrab Hony Lgti Hy
Larka Bola: Tou Aap Smoking Q Krty Hyn?

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#11

Question:what is girlfriend ?
Answer:
jo her bat pe tok tok ker tumhari her adat badal day or 2 sal bad kahay
‘Ab tum pehlay jaisay nahi rahe.’

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#12

Today’s Thought
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Always don’t depend on my thoughts,
Try to think of ur own sumtimes.!
Useless fellow.

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#13

I m not at home, so plz send me a load 30 rupes, or share me waiting plz yar
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Agr es tarah k koi msg kre to samj lo k jhoot bool raha hea.

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#14

If GOD gave me 24 hrs
I will spend 23:55 hrs with you
&
In last 5 mint
I will press ur neck and say
‘Lets go together Friend!’

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#15

Dentisit ke beti:
Aaj bhe tum ne dady se hmari shadi ki baat na ki?
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Boy: Bas aj b mera hosla nhi hua khamoshi
Se ek ur daant niklwa k aa gya.

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#16

One time goofy called information: What is the emergency number?
She said: It’s 911
After a while he called again: Hey i dont have 2 numbers of 1 in my phone.
She: Are you goofy sir?
Goofy: Wow do have a number detector?

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#17

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don’t you ever want to improve?

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#18

MARY: John says I’m pretty. Andrew says I’m ugly.
What do u think, Peter?
PETER: A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

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#19

Teacher: ‘Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?’
Sam: ‘No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook’.

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#20

Wakeel: My Lord! Qanoon ki kitab k safha no 15 k mutabiq merey moaqal ko ba izzat bari kia jae.
Judge: Kitab paish ki jae.
Judge ne safha no 15 khola tu us mein Rs.25000 they.
Judge: Is tarah k 2 saboot aur paish keay jaen.

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#21

‘Do U drink?’ Girl’s father inquired of his prospective Son-in-Law.
Son in law: 1st tell me whether it is a question or an invitation…

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#22

Yar jaldi bahar aa mai gate pe khara hoon
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Kisi ko is tarah bol kar tang nhi karna chahiye
Boht buri baat hoti hai:->

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#23

Life ko kaun zyada achga bana sakte hai GirlFriend or wife? ? ? ? ? ?
Dono hi! Bas kisi dusre ki hone chiaye.

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#24

Kash life aisi hoti yaar,
Monday ko dosti,
Tuesday ko Ikrar,
Wednesday ko pyar,
Thursday ko intzar,
Friday ko shadi,
Saturdy ko talaq,
Sunday ko rest,
Monday ko next.

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#25

Life Style
Agar koi tumhian paththar mary.
To tum par farz hai k
Tum us par phool phenko,
Lekin
Gamlay Sameet.

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#26

bakri ne mara jo bakre ko singh
…..
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bakri ne mara jo bakre ko singh
to bakra b mare ga bakri ko singh

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#27

Boy: Main 20 yrs ka hu.
Tum kitne ki ho?
Girl: Main bhi 20 yrs ki hu!!
Boy: To fir chale…?
Girl: kahan?
Boy: Twenty-Twenty

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#28

Bhai means
B:- Best
H:- Husband
A:- Avelibal
IN
I:- India

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#29

Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.
Saala paani mein hi koi burai hai.

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#30

Q: Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain.
Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada – kyon?? think harder.
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Dimagg hai??
Socho Socho…….
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Ans: Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhorne aaya tha..ha ha ha.

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#31

Dad: Beta Is Bar Exam Main Tujhe 90% Lane Hyn. Kuch bhi kar Ke.
Son: Nahi Dad, Me Tou Is Bar 100% Launga!
Dad: Q Mazaq Kar Raha Hai?
Son: Shruu Kis Ne Kia?

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#32

Easiest ways to Die,
1.Have a cigerrate daily
U’ll die 10 years early
2.Have drink daily,
U’ll die 30 years early
3.Love some1 truely
U’ll die daily.

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#33

For thirty years, Smith had arrived at work at 9 A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Smith‘s arrival, it caused a sensation.
All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at Ten, Smaith showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.
He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.“
And the boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?“

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#34

Early one mornin‘, a mother went in to wake up her son …
mother : “Wake up, son … Itz time to go to school !“ …
son : “But why, Mom ? .. I don‘ want to go.“ …
mother : “Give me two reasonz, why U don‘ want to go.“ …
son : “Well, da kidz hate me for one, … n da teacherz hate me, too !“ …
mother : “Oh, datz no reason not to go to school .. Come on now n get ready .“ …
son : “Give me two reasonz, why I should go to school.“ …
mother : “Well, for one, u‘re 52 yearz old .. n for another, u‘re da Principal !“ …

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#35

a sardar prayers daily for 2 hours
hey vaheguru meri lottery lagade
after 11 years vaheguru angrily appears and says:
oye ullu de pathay ek bar ticket to lee le

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#36

Bush:Meri sister da munda huya.
musharraf: Mubarak ho.
Bush:par afsoos di gal a.
musharraf: ki?
bush:baap da pata nahi.
musharraf: koi gal nai,Osama pa dal do!

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#37

Usama asked Kajol,”how’s ur life?”
She replied,”kabhi khushi kabhi ghum.”
Then Kajol asked Usama,”what abt U?”
He replied,”kabhi BUSH kabhi BOMB.”

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#38

A jutt in Karachi went to bank for opening an account.
he took one form and went to Islamabad.
do u know why?
Because in the form he read!
‘write in capital’

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#39

sardar: aaj main ne pani ko ullu bana diya.
freind: pani ko ullu? woh kaise?
sardar: oye! subha main ne pani garam kiya
aur thande pani se naha liya

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#40

ek murgi ne 3 ande diye aur dua ki ya Allah
mere bache naik niklain
to pehle andey main se bacha namaz parhta hua nikla,
dosra bacha tasbih parhta hua nikla,
tesra nahi nikla to murgi pareshan hogai
aur us ne bache ko awaz di to anday main se awaz aai
k main etqaf main betha hoon.

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#41

Ager ho Udass tu gaoo koi Gana,
Ager lagi hai Bhook tu khao Tum Khana,
Ager ho Beemar tu karo aik Sms Rawana,
Kyun k aik Sms Rozana,
Rakhay Tandrust aur Tawana.:D

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#42

Fill in the blank with yes or NO only.
_______I M NOT A Male.
Koi jaldi nahin hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.

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#43

A baby fish asked her mother: Y can’t we live on earth?
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it’s made for SELFISH

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#44

How do u know when kids start to grow up?
Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!

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#45

What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

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#46

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.

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#47

Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun ‘Sa Law’ kehta hai?

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#48

Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengay.

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#49

Hi, dont b surprised, im getting married next month, there willb a small party & only few people’ll b invites!
Dont bring any gift k? just bring SOMEONE 2 MARRY ME!!

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#50

Winter Comes Again And Again … Summer Comes Again And Again … But A Person Like U Never Comes Again, Cuz God Never Makes The Same Mistake Again And Again!