Mama Jokes – Set 7 – 2017

#1

Your Aunties so old that when God said ‘let there be light’, she was the one flicking on the light switch.

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#2

Yo Math teacher so old he baby-sat for Pythagorus

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#3

Yo Minister so old he used to get sermon tips from Zeus.

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#4

Yo Bookie so old he offered odds of 4 to 1 on Adam eating the apple

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#5

Yo Poppa so old and ugly they call him Captain Caveman

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#6

Yo sister so old she’s more ancient than everything seen on the Antiques Road Show

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#7

yo’ Mother in law so old she the only one at the old folks home with a senior citizens discount.

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#8

Yo’ Papa so ancient that Mel Gibson hired him to offer insights on what life was like with William Wallace

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#9

I told yo big sister to act her own age…and she died.

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#10

You Dog so old it farts out dust.

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#11

Yo Boyfriend so old his birth certificate says ‘Expired’ on it.

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#12

Yo Computer geek friend so old he used to babysit Pascal

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#13

Your Girlfriend’s so old, she invented the term ‘oldest profession in the world’

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#14

Yo’ mother-in-law so ancient she’s in Jesus’s yearbook!

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#15

Yo Gardener’s so damn old he remembers when the Garden of Eden was just a plant

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#16

Yo’ big brother so old, he used to run Track with dinosaurs.

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#17

Your mother-in-law so freakin old she’s got ROman Numerals on her birth certificate

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#18

that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

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#19

they put her photo on food stamps.

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#20

when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

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#21

she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

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#22

burglars break into her home and leave money.

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#23

when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

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#24

the building society repossed her cardboard box.

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#25

she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

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#26

each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk’s fingers

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#27

she can’t even afford to go to the free clinic.

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#28

when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing….’Moving’ she replied.

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#29

I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

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#30

when I rang her doorbell, SHE said ‘Ding-Dong’

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#31

I asked her where the ‘facilities were’ and she replied – ‘Pick a corner…ANY corner…’

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#32

I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed – ‘Who’s tearing down the drapes!!!!’

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#33

I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said ‘Sure thing, it’s 4th tree on your right…’

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#34

only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted…

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#35

when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered – ‘Lost a shoe?’, and she said – ‘Nope…just found one…’

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#36

she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

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#37

closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley….with a box on it…

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#38

she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

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#39

I went into her ‘living room’, stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted – ‘Oi, who turned off the heater!’

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#40

I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying – ‘Who knocked???’

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#41

I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

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#42

she does drive by shootings on the school bus.

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#43

when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule – ‘Don’t use the good china’

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#44

Anything Yo’s – So Poor…

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#45

You’re so poor even Beggars give you money.

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#46

Yo Grannie so damn poor she bounces food stamps.

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#47

Your Teachers so poor she can’t even afford to pay attention.

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#48

Yo Priest so poor he uses cardboard and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.

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#49

You family so poor you’s live in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.

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#50

Yo sister is so po…shit, she can’t even afford them last 2 letters!