Jokes – Set 101 – 2017

#1

Teacher to Santa: What is Number “Seven” , Even or OddSanta: EvenTeacher: How can you make seven even?Santa:Remove the ‘S’!!

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#2

Banta: Please give me your telephone number. I will call you up in some time.Santa: It is in the telephone book.Banta: Fine! What is your name?Santa: That is in the telephone book, too.

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#3

Writer: At last, I have written something which will be accepted by any magazine.Friend: What is that?Writer: A cheque for annual subscription.

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#4

Girl:If v gt married stop smokng. Boy:Ok! Girl:Drinkng 2. Boy:Ok! Girl:N goin to d nite club 2. Boy:-Yes.. Girl:-Wht else cn u leav?? Boy:-D idea of marryng u!!

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#5

Teacher:Which is the oldest animal in the world?Banta:’ZEBRA’.Teacher:Shocked,how?Banta:Because it is still ‘Black and White’!!!

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#6

New Shadi aur Old Shadi mein kia Farq hota hay?New Shadi mein Dono ‘LIPS’ Mila ker Soty hain…AurOld Shadi mein Dono ‘HIPS’ Mila Ker Soty Hain.

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#7

In India,parents:study well my child or you wont get a job!in USA:parents:study well my child or an INDIAN will grab ur job!

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#8

A man was charged in court for parking his car on the wrong side of the road. Judge: Why did you park your car in a no parking area? Man: Your honour, the sign read, Fine for Parking. So I thought it was fine to park my car there!

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#9

A man who has his regular meals in a restaurant, takes away two spoons at the end of his meal everyday. Waiter: Sir, why do you take away the spoons? Man: Well, it is written on my bottle of medicine to take two spoons after meals, daily.

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#10

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today. Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

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#11

Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give u a job. I don’t have any more work.Santa: That’s all right, sir. In fact I’m just the right person in this case. You see, I won’t ask you to give me work anyway!!

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#12

Santa was weeping at a grave, ‘Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life.’Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?Santa: My wife’s first husband.

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#13

Santa: Why didn’t you marry?Banta: I was searching for an ideal match.Santa: So, you didn’t find an ideal girl?Banta: I found one.Santa: Then?Banta: She was also searching for an ideal match.

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#14

Neighbor: I noticed that your daughter is mostly in the kitchen.Probably she loves cooking so many varieties.Her little brother instantly replied: NO, actually our telephone connection is in the kitchen.

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#15

Bus conductor: Why are taking two tickets?Passenger: Because if i lose one that second ticket will save me.Conductor: what if you lose both?Passenger: Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!!

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#16

Girl:- My heart like a mobile in that u r a sim card.Boy:- I m very happy.Girl:- Don’t be too happy if I get a new offer I will change the sim card

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#17

Boy : I love u.Girl : Me tooBoy : How much do u love me?Girl : as much as u do.Boy : U Cheater.I thought u really loved me

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#18

Man : my wife is too good.She can talk on any subject for hours.Friend : Ahh!!! my wife is better,She does not even need a subject to talk about.

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#19

Assi b smart, tussi b smart, sadda nature b cool, twada nature b cool, assi b cute, tussi b cute, bas1 chota sa farak h assi DIL de saaf tussi DIMAG de saaf.

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#20

Child 2 d Sales Girl in a Sweets Shop: Wil u marry me wen i grw up?Girl smild n said: YesChild: Can u giv ur Future Husband a free Chocolate.HAPPY CHOCOLATE DAY

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#21

A WOMEN 2 A DOCTOR: MERA BETA MOTORCYCLE SE GIR GAYA.DOCTOR: I DONT KNOW URDU. PLZ SPEAK IN ENGLISH.WOMEN: MY LONDA GIRONDA FROM HONDA

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#22

Q: How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?A: Ten. One to change it and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

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#23

Punjabi teacher to student: ‘Table par ink kisne girayi hai?’ Isko punjabi me convert karo. Student- bhenchodo Ethe kinne apni maa chudai hai.

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#24

Teachur: Why is 14 November called ‘Children’s Day?’Student: Because it is exactly nine months after ‘Valentine’s Day*.

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#25

Nargis to Shaitan:Main ik Masoom tay shareef larki aan…Shaitan:Jan day NARGIS baji; hun tu apni ho k enj tay zaleel na kr. . . .

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#26

Bebe mar gayi.ladies ron lgiyaan.bebe kithe gayi,jithe na dhup na cha,na roti na sabzi,na bijli na pani..santa :yar dekh lagda budi saade ghar na gai hove..

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#27

Baap: Munay, aaj aasman se ek pari aye gi or tumhen aik choooti munni gift kar jaey gi. Beta: O ja Abba, chawlan na maar, ammi nu jaldi hospital le k ja..

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#28

Pathan puts his hand on his girlfriend’s hand while driving From Islamabad to lahore.she smiles & says: u can go further..andPathan drives to multan…..

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#29

¤Biwi shohar se :Batao woh kon si cheez hai jo tum roz roz dekh sakte ho par torr nahi sakte?Shohar ghusse say:Tumhara moun..

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#30

Girl: Agar tum mere pati hote to main tumhari coffee mein zeher mila deti!Boy: Aur agar tum meri wife hoti to main vo coffee zarur pi leta.

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#31

Girl-Xcuse me brother,that’s my seat.Boy-OK! But I’m nt ur brother,My father nver afair wid ur mom.Girl-True…Bt my father did !Moral: dnt be over smart oK

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#32

teacher:fees mafi di arji likhosanta:feees kini haitchr:20 rpssanta:mai nai likhnitchr:kiu..?mera bapu kehnda 10-20 rps lai kise landi buchi di minat nai karni

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#33

nurse;doctor,rhe man u have just treated collapsed on the front step,wht should i do?doctor;turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving

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#34

During a software company interview: HR: Suppose i select u, where do u see urself 5 yrs frm now?Student: At home waiting for d joining date..:-)

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#35

One american boy giving interview 4 admission in school. Madam asks who is ur father? His mother says: please ask simple questions madam!

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#36

Girl to Fireman: It must have taken so much courage to rescue me as you did!Fireman: Yeah, I had to knock down 3 other guys who wanted to do it!

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#37

Civil servant: I am unable to sleep.Doctor: Can`t you sleep at night?Civil Servant: I sleep very well at night. I find it difficult to sleep at noon.

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#38

On The First Wedding Night.Husband: Look Darling Before Marrige I Had Affair With 20 Girls”Wife Replied: “Janu Kundli Milli Hai To Gunn To Millenge Hi Na

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#39

Wife-agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?Husband-main TV aur newspaper main ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho…..KHUSH Raho.

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#40

Kid: Teacher can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: You have to say your ABC’s first Kid: Ok, a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u, v,w.x.y, and z Teacher: Where’s the p? Kid: It’s running down my leg!!

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#41

Customer: Waiter, do you serve pigs? Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

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#42

BV-Maine ‘GADHO’ Par Research Ki HeWo Apni ‘GADHI’ k siwa kisi or ‘GADHI’ ko Dekhta Tak NaiPati-IsiLiye To Use ‘GADHA’ Kehte Hai

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#43

Kid: I want To marry my Grandma!!!Dad: What You Want to marry My MomStupid!Kid:- Why not ? You have married mine

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#44

Santa> What is deffirent between COFFY shop & WINE shopBanta> coffy shop is the starting point of LOVE and wine shop is last point of LOVE:-)

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#45

It’s million dollar saying that jo hase unke ghar baseBut the million dollar Question is Ghar basane ke bad kitne Hase.

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#46

Thief1:Lets Countd Money We havLooted Today!Thief2:I m So Tired,We’ll See it in dNewspaper Tomorrow.

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#47

Doctor To a Kid-Hav U ever had trouble with ‘Appendicitis’-Kid-Yes!-Doctor-When?-Kid-When I tried to Spell it!

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#48

Define Biology and Sociology?…..If New Born Baby Looks Like His Father It’s Biology,If He Looks Like His Neighbor ThenIt is Called Sociology.

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#49

Judge: Do u accept tat u stole d money 4m this guy?Theif: No my lord, he gav m himself.J: When did he giv u?T: When I showed him d knife!

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#50

Santa was sitting in a cricket ground.. Security Guard: Cricket match is over now,why r u still sitting? Santa: Oye yaar, I m waiting for highlights