Jokes – Set 105 – 2017

#1

Offer Offer Offer!!

Take chit in exam, scratch & show it to the nearest teacher, and win a free trip to Principal’s office, and enjow 1year holiday at home.. Hurry!!! Offer valid during exams only…

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#2

Before Marriage
Boy: At last i can Hardly wait!
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don’t even theink about it!
Girl: Do you love me?
…………Boy: Of course, always!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No, why are you asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance i get
Girl: Will you slap me?
Boy: Hell no, are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Darling!!
After marriage Read It backwords!!

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#3

Boy was in bus……suddenly driver applied break

He fell on a girl.

Girls: hey, what r u doing?
……Boy:MBA and you?

Girl smiled and said: BTECH

Always think about studies…:-)

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#4

A very romantic song to set you in mood for Valentine Eve! ??? brought to you by http://iswconnect.com/ – find a Charming & Single Indian within 5-10kms of your location, already thousands have signedup!

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#5

Santa raat ko cycle le ke qabristan main ghus gaya.
Phir dusri side se bahar nikla aur paseena ponchhty hue bola:

Yaara, ye konsa road tha? Itne sare speed breaker 😮

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#6

bank robber bank me sher pharmata hai…

Arz kiya hai…

Takdir me jo hai wahi milega…..
……
Wah wah

Gaur farmaiyega…

Takdir me jo hai wahi milega

Hands up! Koi apne jagah se nahi hilega

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#7

Hello Friends,

Win free tickets to watch movie with someone special on this valentine, anywhere on the planet!

Cheers!!

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#8

?1 aadmi ko heart ki bimari thi. Doctor ne namak na khane ko kaha.

Wo aadmi sawdhani rakhne laga. waqt pe khana, doctor ki batai excise karna, khane me namak na lena, Regulr & time pe dajwai lena. Par1 din subah wo aadmi bath room k darwaje pe gira mila. Sab heran the k itni sawdhani k bad aisa kese ho gaya?
Postmortem ki report aayi t…o pata chala.
Uske toothpaste me ‘NAMAK’ tha, kya apke toothpaste me NAMAK hai..?

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#9

Santa Told his Friend,

‘Yaar 1 ladki Mujko hans K Dekh rahi hai’

Friend : Pehle confirm kar,
……HANS k Dekh rahi hai
Ya Dekh k HANS Rahi hai.. 😉

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#10

Santa:kya mai tere cell se apni girlfriend ko message kar du?

Banta: kyu apne mobile se kar.

Santa:nahi yaar handwriting pehchan legi na BADI CHALAK hai 🙂

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#11

ticket clerk: boss, no one is buying ‘tees maar khan’ tickets..

boss: give it free..once they enter, close d doors n start selling ‘exit’ tickets at rs
200..

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#12

Dharmendra & Chulbul pandey.

Dharam:kutte,kamine main tera khun pi jaunga

Chulbul(salman):Are kutte aur kamine se yaad aya. Sunny aur Bobby kaise hain.

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#13

Heights of Insult 😉

Boy Friend: I like your ‘teeth’ very much…

Girl friend smiled:) and said ohh.. really!! But why??
……
Boy friend: Because ‘yellow’ is my favourite colour…;-)

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#14

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add ‘e’ at the end of a word?

‘I’m having such a wonderful time!
…
Wish you were her?

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#15

TEACHER: WHICH ANIMAL FLIES IN THE AIR,
BUT GIVES BIRTH TO YOUNG ONES ON LAND?

SANTA (EXCITED FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE HE KNOWS THE ANSWER)

……SANTA: AIRHOSTESS!!!

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#16

Teacher-BAtaAo 80+90=?
Santa-100!
Teachr-No,
80+90=170..
Santa-Par sir Bachpan Se Humne Suna H ki
……’Akkad Bakkad bambey bo, 80-90 purey 100′..!!

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#17

Santa ko kutte ki poonch ko pipe main dalte dekh Banta: Kutte ki dum kabhi sidhi nahi hoti.

Santa: Mai toh pipe bend kar raha tha.

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#18

Ek budhiya cinema hall me coldrink pee rahi thi. Kbhi 15 minute me ek ghunt to kbhi 20 minute mein.

Paas baithe ek ladke ko aa gaya gussa, usne budhiya ki botal uthai aur puri ek ghut me pee kar bola-‘Aise pee jati hai Cold drink’.

Budhiya boli- Par Beta, main to bottle me paan kha ke thook rahi thi

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#19

Ek bar ek admi ka accident hota hai

Doctor: 1 ganta phele le ate to ye bach sakta tha

Marne wale ka dost: abe accident he 15 min phele hua hai

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#20

Santa to Banta: Yaar Mujhe Tennis ki Bahut Knowledge Hai….!! Chahe Kuch Bhi Pooch Le . .

Banta: Accha To Ye Bataaa ki Tennis Ke Net Mai Kitne holes Hote Hai??

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#21

Dedicated to all GFs by der BFs:

Mai aur Meri Tanhayi aksar Bate karte hai

Tum hoti to aisa hota,
…
Tum hoti to wsa hota,
AUR TUM na hoti to…
…Paisa hota…………..:D lolz lolz

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#22

ek sharabi aankh daan karne gaya |

caunter clark ne pucha : kuch kehna chahate ho,

sharabi : jise lagao usee bata dena, yeh do peg ke baad he khulti hai………………………

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#23

By Anuj
Once dog went to the job interview,

interviewer asked to operated the computer & he did,

…then told to type the letter, it did ,then again told to save the same in the computer creating – He did,

then told to operate the MS Excel – He did,

still the interviewer not satisfied and said we also need multi-language one……..The dog stood-up and said meow……..
……got selected.

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#24

wakeel: my lord kanoon ki kitaab ke page number 15 ke mutabiq mere muakkal ko ba-izzat bari kiya jaye..

judge: kitaab pesh ki jaye..

..kitab pesh ki gayi..
……
judge ne page khola to us mein 5000-5000 k do note thay..

judge: is tarah k do saboot aur pesh kiye jayein.

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#25

Best prank ever done by Santa :

Santa calls dominoes and says ‘bhaia pizza hut ka number dena’

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#26

Teacher to SANTA : your son is a fool.. see his report card

English -2 , Maths -5 , Science – 7, SST – 8 , Hindi -3, Total – 25 ….

SANTA : Total mei to kamaal kia hai, is subject ki tution tak nahi rakhi thi .. ! 😀
…

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#27

boy 1 : I got a new car , laptop and a mobile all in a month

boy2: wow! what does your dad do

boy 1 : he sells onions!

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#28

PRINCIPAL:
What do u want 2 become in future.?

STUDENT:
After studyin MBBS,
……I want to join
Police force and
get a good job in
a good software company and work as lawyer and construct big buildings and conduct research and become an actor…?!

PRINCIPAL:
Hey, What’s
ur name..?

STUDENT:
Rajnikant..?!

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#29

A family bought a robot who slaps when someone lies.
Dad: Son… How come you got late from school today?
Son: papa… extra class
*THE ROBOT SLAPS SON*
Son: Went to watch a movie …
…Dad: Which one?!
Son: ‘Hanuman!’
*THE ROBOT SLAPS SON*
Son: Sheela ki Javani
Dad: jab mai tumhare jitna tha… tabh mai aasi movies nahi dekh ta tha!
*THE ROBOT SLAPS FATHER*
Mum: deakh lo! aap ka hi beta hai!
*Robert Slaps Mother!!! ;P

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#30

Doctor to Sardar:

Aap ki ek kidney fail ho gayi hai.
.
.
….
.
.
.
Sardar rote huye:
.
.
.

Kitne number se?

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#31

Teacher : Tell Any Microsoft Product Name?

Sam: MS Excel
Deepu: MS Word
Rony: MS PowerPoint
…CHIKKU:After Thinking A Lot ‘MS Dhoni:):):):)

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#32

Advocate : Talak Karvane Ke 5000 Lagenge

Husband : Pagal Ho Panditji Ne 51 Mein Shadi Karvai Thi

Advocate : Dekha Saste Ka Result..

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#33

beta: maa,main kbc se bol raha hoon,1 minute mein jawab do,mere pitaji ka kya naam hai??

maa: beta, sawal kitne rs ke liye hai??

beta: 1000 rs ke liye..
……
maa: quit kar de,1000 rs ke liye ghar me kalesh ho jayega..

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#34

santa:aaj mein bus k peeche daudkar ghar gaya…….5 rupaiye bach gaye…!

Banta:kardi na sardaro waali baat,auto ke peeche daud k aata toh 40 rupaiye bachte….!:)

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#35

?1 gav me nadi pe bridge banaya Gya
Gav ke log bahot khush ho gaye
Ek tv channel ne banta ko puncha
Hato aap ka kya kehna he is bridge ke bare me
To banta ne kaha : ha ji pehle me dhup me tair ke nadi paar krta tha ab Chav me tair ke par krunga garmi se badi rahat ho gayi thanks to government !!!

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#36

A Doctor’s Wife Nvr Allowed Him 2 Come Near Her!
She Used A Very Unique Technique,
Guess Wat?
.
.
……?
.
.
By Eating Apple,
An Apple A day
Keeps The Doctor Away:

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#37

?3 poultry farms ki inspection ho rhi thi.
Inspector: Tum murgiyo ko kya khilate ho?

1st:-‘Bajra’
Inspector: Wrong food, arrest him.
……
2nd:-‘Chawal’
inspector:-Wrong food, arrest him.

3rd darr gya or kehne laga:
‘hum to ji murgiyo ko 5-5 Rs de dete hai k jo tumhari marji ho ja kar khalo…!

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#38

ek sucide bomber ne apne leader ko message bheja…
.
.
.
sir ji.. RDX thora kam daala karein…main jannat se thoda aagey nikal aaya hu..

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#39

Our Heartiest New Year Wishes to All The Indian Jokes Fans! We are sure this New Year Wishes card will make you smile! 🙂 http://www.indianjokes.mobi/HappyNewYear2011.html

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#40

Constable:Si, Kal Rat ko Kediyon ne jail me ramayan ka natak kia thae

Jailer: to isme pareshaan hone ki kya baat hai?

Constable: Sir, Hanumaan bana kaidi sanjivni lekar abhi tak wapas nahi lauta hai..

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#41

By Rajnish,

guys latest news…

rajnikant warnd evry1 to stop jokes on him..
…
otherwise…
….
.
.
.
.
.
he’ll delete Internet..

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#42

This Pj might damage your nervous system..

What do you say if a cow Dances….??

….
…
….

….

‘GUIDANCE’

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#43

Pota – Daadi aapne kon-kon se desh ghume hai…

Dadi – Beta Pakistan Hindustan aur Afganistan…

Pota – ab aap kaha ghumne jaogi??
…
Piche se Dada bola – Kabristaan

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#44

Teacher: ‘What’s half of 8?’

Rajinikanth: ‘4’

Santa: depend karta hai agar horizontally half karo to ‘0’ and vertically karo to ‘3’, 4 is the first time in history.
…
Rajinikannth lost and Sadda Santa rocks..

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#45

By Sailesh

A Girl died & went 2 heaven God was shocked 2 c her heart still beating
god asked ‘how come your heart is beating’..
Girl replied ‘Im dead but my lover still lives in my heart’
…The Girl was sent to hell for over acting.

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#46

By Shailesh
Height of jealousy:

hearing about a place called santacruz in mumbai..

…banta is now in search of a place called bantacruz..;)

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#47

By Zeep
Boy: Do you love me….??

Girl: Yes…

…Boy: Starts running

Girl: Where are you going….??

Boy: I’m going to update my relationship status on facebook….. !! 😀

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#48

By Varun
Santa: Operation Me mujhe Kuch Ho Gya To Doctor Se Shadi Kar Lena.

Wife: Aisa Kyu Keh Rahe Ho?

…Santa:Kyun Ki Badla Lene Ka Yahi Tarika hai

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#49

By Pranjal..

Santa kills DEER & cooks it.

He doesn tell his kids wht it is…….He gives a clue ‘Its wat ur Mom calls me'(dear)
…
Son screams:’Koi mat khana, KUTTA hai…..!!!!!

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#50

once Rajni, Santa banta n CID were going through forest

suddenly a strong storm came

santa said to banta,’ab hum bach nai paenge’
……
ACP said to Daya,’pata lagao ye tufaan kis taraf se aaya h’

n rajni said

‘SORRY FOR SNEEZING
EXCUSE ME’