Jokes – Set 107 – 2017

#1

Bhoot1-tu kaise mara?
Bhoot2-jyada thand se or tu?
B1-patni pe shak tha,pura ghr dhundha koi ni mila,Sharm se sucide kr liya
B2-Fridge khol leta,dono bach jate.

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#2

Sardar saw a poster at a police station,

”Two Engineers WANTED- For Rape”

Sardar.. What the F man!!! These Engineers always get the best job…!!!

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#3

Santa brght his grlfrnd home for dinner. After dinner she got a little gas so she farted silently but it turned out to be loud enough for the family to hear. Santa?s father shouted at the dog sitting next to her chair, Ginger!. She was relieved. Next time she passed a louder one and again Santa?s father, Ginger!. Finally she let a really loud one and the father said Ginger! Move from there before she shits on you!!!?

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#4

Aplu: Why are you heating the knife.Taplu: To do suicide. Aplu: But why are you heating it? Taplu: To prevent infection.? ?

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#5

Taplu was roaming around his village…he saw lots of tourists who have visited the village..One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Taplu: Any great man born in this village???Taplu: no sir, only small Babies!!!? ?

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#6

Sardarji was doing an experiment with a cockroach, first he cut it?s 1 leg and said ?WALK?. The unfortunate Cockroach walked. Then the 2nd leg and told the same. The Cockroach walked again. Then the 3rd leg and did the same.At last he cut it?s 4th leg and ordered it to walk! But cockroach didn?t walk. He ran out of his house yelling, I found it. If we cut a ckroch?s four legs, it becms deaf?.? ?

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#7

Santa, his wife with son and daugher went to a party.. he introduced his family to his friends saying..? I am Santa.. and this is Santnee ?this is my kid and that is my kidney?!!??

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#8

Mrs. Banta Singh
was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes
going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes.’What is the
matter today? asked her husband. ‘Today you had less than half an hour
conversation on the phone.’ ‘I got a wrong number,’

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#9

Santa proposed to a girl……

Girl said: ‘I’m 1 yr elder to you’.

Santa said: ‘Oye, no problem Soniye, I’ll marry you next year.

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#10

Santa asked guest- Thanda Loge Ya Garam.

Guest- I will take both..

Santa- Pretooooo…
…
Preeto- JI Sardaar ji

Santa- Ek glass freezer se or ek glass geezer se PANI le aao..

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#11

Santa got a new job in vodafone..

But See Santa again is so unfortunate here..

He was fired on the first day Because…!!!
…
1st caller- yaar mera vodafone ka sim nahi chal raha hai…

Santa- Arre tussi vi na.. to airtel ka le le..

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#12

A rich Sardarji needed blood for his heart surgery.

He got it from a poor Bania.

Sardarji gave him 5 million dollars. Once again the Sardar needed blood for surgery.
…
Bania was more than happy to donated blood again. This time, Sardar just gave him a Cadburies Chocolate. Bania asked the reason.

Sardar: Now I also have Bania blood in my body.

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#13

Rahul Mahajan’s Sataus on Facebook-‘ Give me Some Sunshine,

give me Some rain,

Give me another wife so that i can beat her once again’
…
Ha, Ha, Ha….

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#14

Bunta fals in Love with a nurse.

He thinks of writing a Love letter 2 her.

He thinks..thinks..thinks & finally writes,
…
I LOVE U SISTER!

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#15

Watz fastst thng in World?

OxfrdGuy: Light

HarvrdGuy: Thought
…
TxasGuy: Blink of Eye

Banta- Loose Motions

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#16

Santa-‘I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.’

salesman-‘what size curtains you need’.

Santa- ‘Fifteen inches.’
…
‘That sounds very small, what room are they for?’
Santa tells him that they aren’t for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

Salesman, ‘But, sir, computers do not have curtains!’

Santa says, ‘Hellllooooooooo……..I’ve got Windows!’

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#17

Santa goes to buy a underwear.

On choosing one he asks: How much for this?

Shopkeeper: Rs 500Santa:
…
Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye

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#18

Santa! Your daughter has died!

Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floor

At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn’t have a daughter!
…
At the 25th flr: He’s unmarried!

At the 10th: He’s Banta not Santa.

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#19

Santa Caught His Wife In Affair.

He Decides 2 Kill Her & Himself.

Santa Puts A Gun On His Head Looks At His Wife & Says-Dont Laugh U R next.
…
ha ha ha… Shared by Riba Roy..Share oyur jokes with us…

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#20

Santa-‘i saw u walking on a street u looked so perfect u’r face u’r eyes u’r hair I felt like singing a song’

Girlfriend-‘oh how sweet which song’

santa- ‘WHO LET THE DOGS OUT.’

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#21

One day a teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read-and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’

Teacher asked the class, ‘And what do you think that farmer said?’

…A little girl raised her hand and said, ‘I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!”

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#22

A lady delivered twins.

Surprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible?

Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER…. wherever u go out network follows

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#23

Girl asks santa ‘Will you marry me?’

Santa says ‘No. In our family we only marry relatives – mom married dad, bhaiya married bhabi, taya married tayi…!!

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#24

?’MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Mr.

Bean: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?

Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

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#25

santa orders pizza.

Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?santa :

4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge.

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#26

?’santa is driving a jeep in a jungle!!!

Tourist : How do we escape if lion comes now?

santa : Give right indicator and turn left.’

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#27

Santa-Oye!what R U doing?

Banta-Recording this babys voice.

Santa-Why?
…
Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this…hehehheheheeee 😉

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#28

Q: Why did Santa fall out the window ?

?
?
?
…A: He was ironing the curtain 😀 lolz Lolz

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#29

history k teacher ne puchha-kalidaas ka ek bhai jute banata tha,uska naam kya tha?

Santa ne socha bahut socha phir jawab diya………………………… Adidaas..

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#30

This one is Speciaily for this Monsoon season……..
Santa told his servant: Go and water the plants
Servant: It’s already raining.
Santa: So what take an umbrella and go.
lolzz 😉 😉 😉 😉

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#31

A lion will never cheat his wife
but ………

A tiger wood 😉 😉 😉 😉

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#32

Fastest growing page on facebook My Love India.
Help us to reach the highest number of fans on or before 15th August 2010 ?
Kindly use ‘Suggest to Friends’ link on left side of our I ? India Page!suggest this page to all your friends n ask them to further invite their friends….Lets contribute to our efforts of making this page d LARG…EST PAGE ON FACEBOOK….

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#33

Santa once read a board ‘likhney wala briliant…..parhney wala idiot..’
Santa becomes angry, he rubs the board and writes, ‘parhney wala briliant, likhney wala idiot….’hehhehhehehehe 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

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#34

Santa meets BantaSanta: ‘so have you moved to a new house’
Banta: ‘No.’
Santa: ‘Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn’t you?’
Banta: ‘Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!’.
hahahahahaha 😉

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#35

ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO Santa AND Santa DENIED.SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,
WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
…SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

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#36

Octopus Paul fainted when Santa asked him a question…..’When will India reach FIFA finals?’ 😀

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#37

Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted ‘Sign board’ to be pained in front of his clinic but our Santa painter painted
‘Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist’
hahahahaha….loz

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#38

Santa – Tu office mein to Sher bana ghumta hai .. ghar pe tujhe kya ho jata hai?? Banta – Hota to sher hi hun bas upar Durga sawar ho jati hai.. 😀

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#39

Invigilator : Why are you stressed? Did you forget ur ID? ur roll no? Pen? Calculator? Student : Oye Chup kar ja….Mai galat subject ke farre le aaya… ;p

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#40

Santa:Dr.Mai Subah 9 Baje uthta hu to mujhe Sans lene me taklif hoti h.Dr:Beta jaldi utha kro kyoki sari oxygen to Baba Ramdev aur unke Chele khich lete he..Lolz lolz..
Good Morning..

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#41

Dog is truly a man’s best friend.If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the car for an hour.When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?..Lolz..lolz… hahaha

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#42

Santa was lying on beach,American:R u relaxing?Santa:No m Santa singh,Another American:R u relaxing?Santa:No m Santa singh,Santa left d place in anger,Den asks a American lying near by,R u relaxing?American:yes,Santa slaps him n says All r searching 4 u n u r lying here..Idiaot..Lolz ..lolz..HAHAHAHA…

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#43

Lady: Dr. plz call my husband inside.
Dr: Trust me, I`m a gentleman.
Lady: No Dr. ur nurse is sitting outside alone & my husband is not a gentelman…lolz lolz…HAHAHA….

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#44

A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water.Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I’ve killed the motorist…Lolz lolz..HAHAHAHA…

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#45

Santa:wo ladki behri lagti h..Me kuch kehta hu,wo kuch aur hi bolti h..Banta:kaise?Santa:Mene ‘I Luv U’,kaha,to wo boli ‘mene kal hi naye Sandal Kharide h’..lolz Lolz..)))HAHAHA

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#46

Galileo used 2 study in smal lamp. Graham Bell used 2 study in candle light. Shakspeare used 2 study in street light. Mujhe ye samajh nahi aata ke yeh sab Din Mein Kya Karte the?..Lolz..lolz… ))HAHAHAHA…

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#47

???? ?? ???? ?? ??? ????? ???! ??? ?? ????????????? ????? ??????? ?? ?????? ??? ???? ?????? ??? ?? ?? ?? ???? ???? ???? ??? ??? ??? ?? ?? ?? ???? ????? ?? ??? ?? ??…Lolz lolz…

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#48

On an old man’s shirt was written a cute sentence!`I am not 60yrs old. I am sweet 16 with 44 yrs experience!`..lolz..lolz..

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#49

Banta: I do not want to marry because I am afraid of all women.Santa: Get married soon, then you will be afraid of only one women and start loving other women…:D)))HAHAHAHA…

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#50

Bear this Pj..Santa goes 2 a petrol pump, sees a board `Don`t use mobile here.` He picks his mobile phone, calls everyone from his phone & says `Don’t call me now.`..Lolz lolz…