Jokes – Set 12 – 2017

#1

1-5 YEARS GIRLS LOVE ‘MOM’
6-14 YEARS GIRLS LOVE ‘DAD’
15-21 YEARS GIRLS LOVE ‘ME’
22-50 YEARS GIRLS LOVE ‘HUSBAND’
51-100 YEARS GIRLS LOVE

‘TERE BHI JALWE HAI YAAR’……..

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#2

ROZ RERE LOGO SE PANGE HOGE,
ROZ TERI GALI ME DANGE HOGE,
AGAR TUNE MUJHE SMS NA KIYA TO YAAD RAKHNA
TERE 12 BACHHE HOGE AUR WO SARE LAFANGE HOGE……

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#3

Suna hai ki aapki ek muskaan pe log marte hai.
So please keep smiling to reduce population

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#4

Teacher ne kaha-translate hindi to english,
‘khushi ke maare uski chhaati phool gai’
Santa translated-‘Due to happiness his chest turned in to breast’!!! 🙂

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#5

Woh ladki kitni pyaari thi,
jis ko aankh maari thi ,
Woh sendal kitni bhaari thi,
jo us ney sar per maari thi

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#6

aap ko miss karna roz ki baat hai
aap ko yaad karna aadat ki baat hai
aap se door rehna kismat ki baat hai
magar aap ko jhelna himmat ki baat hai

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#7

Panjabi ladke ladkio ko is tarah parpose karte hai-
Pipal da boota hove te ganne da ras hove,
j mera vas hove te teri maa meri sass hove.

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#8

Mhiwal: Dubna bahut jaruri see, thora waqt sohniye jar lendi,
pani vich dubna kahto see, sanu phone mobile te kar lendi
Sohni: waqt haneri rat see, mainu aaya see khof veh,
tenu phone teh bathere keete see, par mobile tera off ve
Mhiwal: vekh ke tera roop sohniye main tere te dul gaya,
parso mera card muk gaya main nawan pwauna bhul gaya
Sohni: sun ke gal ashiqa teri, mere dil da systam ruk gaya,
tu phone kadi tan kita nai tera card kiven muk gaya.

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#9

Elahi aaj yeh farman likh de
har khusi sms perhne wale k naam likh de
agar uski khushi k liye kisi ki jan chahiye
To us pe PERVAIZ MUSHARRAF ka naam likh de

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#10

Husband 2 wife:
ALLAH ne tujhe 2 aankhen di hain,
chaawal se patthar nahi nikal sakti kia
WIFE: ALLAH ne tujhe 32 daant diye hain..
2-4 patthar bhi nahi chaba sakte kia ;->

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#11

Kaali ghata chayi hai,
aaj fir biwi se maar khayi hai.
Kehti hai sudhar jao. Par meri galti nahi,
bajuwali aaj mini skirt mai aayi hai.. 😉

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#12

Man:Oye tera ek dant neela kida ho gaya
Sardar-Yaar mein ink lagayi hai.
Man:Uh kyon
Sardar-Kyon k aaj kal BLUE TOOTH bahut mashur hai.

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#13

Pyar me kabhi petrol nahi hota,
Pyar ke safar me kabhi puncture nahi hota….
Pyar to woh gaadi hai dear,
Jisme kabhi do se zyada passenger nahi hota…

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#14

Doctor ne admi se pucha
Kya aap aur aapki biwi ka khoon ek hi hai
Admi ne kaha.. Kiu nahi Zarur hoga!
16 sal se mera hi khoon pi rahi hai

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#15

2 khoosrey kahin jaa rahey they,
unn mien se ek neechey gir gya,
tu dusri ne usey uthatey huey kaha,
UTHO BEHAN MARD BANO..

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#16

hawa main betaab urr rahay thay ghalib
wahh waahhh!!!!
kya baat hai…..
hawa main betaab urr rahay thay ghalib……..
phirr phirr kya
phir kya………
Ruk gai hawa or becharray gir gay ghalib..:)

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#17

Dhoka mila jab bhi pyar main,
Zindagi main udaasi cha gayi….
socha tha chor denge is Raah ko,
kambakht phir ek new number se miss call aa gai

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#18

Arz Hai…..
Mohabbat k Naam Pe Saza Mene Payee Hai
Ghor Furmaiyay
Mohabbat k Naam Pe Saza Mene Payee Hai
BaaQi SHair Baad Mai Abhi ZOr Se Potty Aae Hai

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#19

Aankhon main aNsu aa jate hain
PHir bhi laboN pe hansi rakhni ParTi hai
Yeh haal tab he hota hai yaron
jab lambay safar main POTTY rokni parti hai

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#20

Arz kiya hai,
tere darwaze par sanam bar bar ayenge.
Tere darwaze par sanam bar bar ayenge.
Bell bajayenge aur bhag jayenge

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#21

delhi
k
paas
k
nizamudin
railwaystation
ki
train no. 6162
k
route
k
3rd station
bharatpur
k
ek chhote
se
gaon
k
nazdeek
wale
kabristan
k
chowkidar
ki
kabr
pe
baithe
hue
kutte
ki
aage
wali
right
side
ki
taang
ki
tisri
ungli
k
nakhun
k
paas
chupe
hue
chichar
k
pait
mein
rehne
wale
bacteria
k
chromosomal
DNA
k
thymine
nucleotide
k
5th
carbon
k
outer
shell
k
4th
electron
ki
kasam
SIRF AUR SIRF TIME PASS K LIYE LIKHA HAI

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#22

Zindagi Badi Udas Hai
Mujhe Lagi Pyas Hai
Mujhe Khelni Aati Taash Hai
Cow Khati Ghaas Hai
Main Uska Sir toor Dunga
Jisne kaha Meri Poem Bakwaas hai

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#23

Mein ChotA sA eK bacha hon par kaam karonga baray baray,
jitne bhi laraka bande hain sab ko naik banaonga,
dunya se burayi mita kar mein khob naam kamaonga,
tamam ganday bachon ko seedhi line pe laonga,
Angraiz k bachon ko urdu bolna sikhaonga,
mahesh bhatt ki filmon par total ban lagaonga,
Emran hashmi ko bhi araam se beth kar samjhaonga,
dhokay baaz lArkion ko doggie se katwaonga,
galian denay waalon ko pyar ki zuban sikhaonga,
shahrukh khan ko loot kar ghareebon mein paisay bantonga,
AGAR bhai maan gaya to ash ko bhabhi banaonga,
meray doston ko yeh baat pasand na ayee to ek rakh k lagaonga,
Rani ne zid ki to apni shaadi bhi banaonga,

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#24

Gam wo cheez hai
Gam wo cheez hai
Gam wo cheez hai
Jisse kagaz chipak jata hai.

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#25

itna khubsurat kese muskura leti hoo
bachpan se hi kamini ho.
ya
shakal aesi bana leti hoo

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#26

a mehbooba tu khush rahe abaad rahe…..
teri aulaad k peechey meri aulaad rahe….

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#27

jis tarah doodh rakhne se malaayi ajaati hay…..
isi tarah ishq barhne se judaai ajaati hay….

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#28

panga with me is not changa i will make you nanga front every banda

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#29

Aap mujhe itne pasand ho jitna
++++
Ullu ko raat
Dentist ko daant
Gadhe ko laat
Ghareeb ko gaddi
Kutte ko haddi
&
&
Nange ko chaddi 😉

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#30

man 2 hotel manager;jaldi chalo meri biwi khirki se
kood kar jaan dena chahti hai
manager;what can i do
man;khirki nahi khul rahi hai

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#31

AASMAN ME TUM HO,
ZAMIN PE TUM HO,
HAWA ME TUM HO,
JAHA BHI DEKHO TUM HI TUM HO.
DOMEX WALI AUNTY SAHI KEHTI HAI
‘KITAANU’ HAR JAGAH HOTE H

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#32

Tera saath nibhaayenge satho janam,
Tera saath nibhaayenge satho janam,
Maa Kasam,
Shayari KhatAm!!

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#33

Na chera karo hassenaoo ko khuda ka azab hoga
ek din to bhi kisi haseena ka bap hoga

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#34

Jab jab ghire baadal teri yaad aayi,
Jab jhoom ke barsa saawan teri yaad aayi,
Jab-jab main bheega teri yaad aayi,
Ab raha nahin jata, Chhatri Lauta de Bhai.

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#35

Zindagi main hardum haste raho…..
hasna zindagi ki zaroorat hai……
tum zindagi ko kuch iss andaz main jiyo…
k log tumhe dekh kar kahen……
zindagi kitni khubsoorat hai…..

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#36

ya rab dil-e-qaidi ko ek zinda tamanna de
tu khwab ke piyase ko tabeer ka dariya de
is baar makaan badloon to aisi padosan ho
‘jo dill ko garma de or rooh ko tarpa de’

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#37

Na Ye Chemistry Hoti ,
Na Mein Student Hota
Na Ye Lab Hoti,
Na Ye Accident Hota
Abhi Practical Mein Aaye Nazar Ek Ladki
Sundar Thi Naak Uski Test Tube Jaisi
Baton Mein Uski Glucose Ki Mithas Thi
Sanson Mein Ester Ki Khushbu Bhi Sath Thi
Aankhon Se Jhalakta Tha
Kuch Is Taranh Ka Pyaar
Bin Piye Hi Ho Jata Tha
Alcohol Ka Khumar
Benzene Sa Hota Tha
Uski Presence Ka Ehsas
Andhere Mein Hota Tha
Radium Ka Abhas
Nazrein Mileen, Reaction Hua
Kuch Is Taranh Love Ka Production Hua
Lagne Lage Us Ke Ghar Ke Chakkar Aise
Nucleus Ke Charon Taraf Electron Hon Jaise
Us Din Hamare Test Ka Confirmation Hua
Jab Uske Daddy Se Hamara Introduction Hua
Sun Kar Hamari Baat Woh Aise Uchal Pare
Ignition Tube Mein Jaise Sodium Bharak Uthe
Woh Bole, Hosh Mein Aao, Pahchano Apni Auqat
Iron Mil Nahin Sakta Kabhi Gold Ke Sath
Ye Sun Kar Tuta Hamare Armanon Bhara Beaker
Aur Hum Chup Rahe Benzaldehyde Ka Karwa Ghoont Pi Kar
Ab Us Ki Yaadon Ke Siwa Hamara Kam Chalta Na Tha

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#38

Hoon mein doctor jahan,
Meri wife hai nurse wahan,
Ye kaisa zulm sehana parh raha hai,
Mujhe wife ko sister kehna parh raha hai.

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#39

Bijli
aaj kal tu dakhoo is bijli kiya ha kamal
itnay zaida han ka milti nahe in ki masal
har roz load shading huti ha puray mulk ma
or rat koo mashroun na kar diya ha bura hal
rutay han doukandar bathay rat koo ghar ma
ka woo dokan band na karhan in ki nee yeh majal
or joo time pa badn na karay dukan dokandar tu
hakumat karay na jurmana na asa nee sawal
lagta ha ka hakumat bee flop ha or wapda beee
mahsoos huta ha ka mil ka bun rahay han koi jal
kahtay han ka ham bahir mulak sa bijli khareedtay han
pher bee bijli kam ha kiya datay nee un koo mal
khush hooo jata ha dil dakh kar aik parcha
apnay nam joo ata ha maheenay ma jooo aik bar
us par pata neee kiya kiya charges likhay huhay han
jama karwa dooo agar tu jahab(pocket)ma neee rahta phir mal
roa roz ki load shading or bill sa sab hi han tang
kiya karhan majburi ha mirza milti nee is ki dahal(replacement

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#40

Jo……
Ho…. Gaya…..
Wo…. Ho…. Gaya…..
Jo…..
Hona…. Hoga….
Woh…. Hoga….
Aur …..Jo
Nahi… Hona… Hai
Woh…. Nahi…. Hoga….
Kyunki… Jo…
Hona…. Hai…
Woh… To..
Hoga… Hi…. Hoga….
Ab… Dekhna…. Hai….
Ki…. Kya….
Hoga….. .. .
Aur….
Kya….Nahi. …
Hoga….
Hone…. Ko…. To…
Kuch….. Bhi…..
Hoga….
Yahi…. Sochna…. Hai….
Ki… Kya…
Hoga……
Aur….. Kya… Hoga….
Agar…
Kuch….. Hoga…. To…..
Theek… Hoga….
Aur….
Nahi…. Hoga….
To…. Bhi…
Theek…. Hoga….
Theek… Hoga… To….
Kis… Wajah.. Se….
Hoga….
Aur….
Wajah… Hi….agar.. .
Theek….Nahi. .. Hogi…
To…. Kuch..
Kaise… Theek…. Hoga….. .. .
Ab…. Aap…. Batao…. Ke…
Aage…..
Kya… Hoga ….
Kisi….
Aur….
Ko…
Bhejiega,… .
Achchha….
Time…. Pass….Hoga. ..

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#41

Har Gali Har Deewar Pe Tera Hi Naam Hai,
uper likha hai WANTED aur niche Rs. 10,000 inaam hai

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#42

Deepak main agar noor na hota
Tanha Dil Majboor na hota
Hum aapko Milne Zaroor Aate
Agar aap ka Ghar itna DOOR na hota… :-)…

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#43

Hawa Main BINDAAS Urh Raha tha GHALIB,
Hawa Main BINDAAS Urh Raha tha GHALIB,
Hawa Main BINDAAS Urh Raha tha GHALIB,
Pir
Pir
Pir
Pir
Kya Ruk gai Hawa or Gir Gaya GHALIB… :-)..

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#44

Agar Aap GUL AHMED k KAPDE Pehne gey.
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
to
GUL AHMED kya Pehne ga… 🙂

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#45

Zamana Kitna Kharab Hogaya hai..
Har Sawal ka Ulta Jawab Ho gaya hhai..
NA CALL, NA MISS CALL, na SMS ka Jawab,
har Koi MOBILE rakh k NAWAB ho gaya hai… 🙂

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#46

Aaj.. 1 ‘Sweeter’ Aur Pehan Lo..
Aaj.. 1 ‘Razai’ Aur Odh Lo..
Aaj.. 1 ‘Mufler’ Aur Lapet Lo..
Aaj.. 2 ‘Moze’ Aur Pehen Lo..
Kya Pata..

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#47

Kal.. ‘THAND’ Ho Na Ho……….. 🙂

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#48

Jahan pyaar wahan dosti,
Jahan dosti wahan Jaghda,
Jahan jaghda wahan jadai,
Jahan judai wahan dard,
Jahan dard wahan…Jhandu Balm -Ab chote pack me

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#49

ye keh kar nikal diya hamen karae k makanon se
tu shaheen ha basera kar paharon ki chitanon main

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#50

kiya samjhay
chaman hai abar hai thandi hawa hai KIYA SAMJHEY….
isi se aap ko nazla howa hai KIAY SAMJHEY….
woh jis ne qais waghera ki jaan li thi……
marz hamain bhi wohi howa hai KIYA SAMJHEY….
jisay mohallay main koi rasta nahi deta……
woh ab tumhare yahan araha hai KIYA SAMJHEY…..
andheri raat main looto k roz e roshan main……
hamare mulk main sab kuch rawa hai KIYA SAMJHEY…..
huzoor aap ki taqreer dilpazeer k baad……
har ik shakhs yahi poochta hai KIYA SAMJHEY…..
mere nikah ka sadma faqat tumhin ko nahi….
tumhara baap bhi pachta raha hai KIYA SAMJHEY…..
bas ibteda main thori praid hoti hai……
phir is k baad maza hi maza hai KIYA SAMJHEY…
zaban us ki nahi hai isi liey huzoor……
buland awaz main gana suna raha hai KIYA SAMJHEY…..
khula nalka tau geela ho jai ga is dar se……
khuli fiza main naha raha hai KIYA SAMJHEY……!!!!