Jokes – Set 13 – 2017

#1

unki gali se mera janaja nikla
par wo na nikle jinke liye janaja nikla
unka ghar aya to mere dost siti bajane lage
aur kamine rakh kar mera janaja unhe patane lage

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#2

Zindagi ki raah mushkil hai to kiya huaa.
Thoda sa tum chalo,thoda sa main…phir Rikshaa kar lenge..

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#3

pyar toh humne bhi karna tha
par kuch khas nahi hua
TajMehal to humne bhi banan tha
par bank se loan pass nahi hua

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#4

dhoom dhoom teri biwi kesi
dhoom dhoom teri esi ki tesi
dhoom dhoom teray bachay kalay
cream lagalay cream lagalay
dhoom dhoom mene murghi paali
dhoom dhoom aray anday wali
dhoom dhoom bhaag gai saali
dhoom dhoom meray birthday aai
dhoom dhoom mene sab ko bulaya
dhoom dhoom per koi na aya
dhoom dhoom mujhe gussa aya
dhoom dhoom mene tv chalaya
dhoom dhoom ye gana ayaaa
dhoom machalay! dhoom machalay! dhoom

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#5

Sales Girl: sorry sir you cann’t smoke here.
Customer: but i bought cigarate from this shop.
Sales Girl: we sell condom also but it dosn’t mean you start fucking here.

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#6

Boys;Larkian pepsi ki tarah hoti hain,
Jitna pio utna ziada maza aata hay,
Girls;larkay juice ki tarah hotay hain,
Jab maza anay lagta hay to khataam ho jtay hain.

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#7

Boy say 2girl ‘agar may tumhary brest daba kar bag jao to tum kya socho gee|| ‘
girl
‘to may socho gee ke aik pagal go poore car chala sakta tha sirf horan daba kar bag geya |’ hahahahah

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#8

twinkle twinkle little star
tera boy friend gaya bazar
us ko mil gaya doosra pyar
ab tu beth ker makhyan maaar

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#9

Yaar aaj ka din bada fuddu hai….
Fuddu se yaad aaya
Kaisa hai tu..!!

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#10

unke galiye kai chakar kat kat kur kutai bhi hamarai yaar hogaye,
hum aunkeye tu na hosakai pur kuton kai sardar hogaye

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#11

Chappal chhoti ho to PaaOn main nahi aati
Biwi Moti ho to Bahon Main Nahi Aati

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#12

Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji,
Apne chinku ne aaj pehla aadha shabd bola.
Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola
Wife: Behan…

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#13

pathan radio leker potty kernay gaya.
dost:aaj to mazay srki hogi
pathan:khak mazay se ki radio per pak sar zameen aa gaya to
kharay kharay kerni pari!

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#14

Ghalib farmatay hain k
Hazaron bachian aisi ke har bachi pe dam niklay
wah wah wah
hazaron bachian aisi ke har bachi pe dam niklay
jis bachi pe dam niklay us ki behen us se bhi bomb niklay
Shukria

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#15

Wah wah kya baat hai.
Wo lal duppata …
Wo kale baal…
Magar wo kambhakat 3 inch ki sandal.
Kya zor ka fatka mara hai.

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#16

Wo kaun hai
Jo ishq me hai
Jo mann me hai
Jo dil me hai
Magar dhadkan me nahi
Jyada soch mat stupid
Vo hai ‘Amir khan’

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#17

Woh to aaj bhi hamein dekh kar muskurate hain
Par unke bachche bade kameene hain
Jo hamein mama, mama kah kar bulate hain

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#18

Ye humari national health service hai.
Is main hum aap jaise logon ko adhi raat me utha kar susu karna yaad dilate hai ta kay aap ka bed geela na ho! Plz sasu karley!
“Good night”

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#19

Khuda kare tujhe har jagah se satkar mile,
Mujh se bhi acche yaar mile,
Rakhi ko teri girlfriend, tujhe raakhi bandhe,
Aur tujhe zindagi bhar uss se behan ka pyar mile.

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#20

wife – suniye kya aap kitchen se garam masala la kar aayenge
husband – magar yahan to nahin hai
wife– mujha pata tha tumha nahin mila ge is liya main pehla se la aaye baghwan !!!!!!!!!

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#21

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho
Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu.
Wife: Kitni mari
Man: 3 male aur 2 female.
Wife: Kaise malum
Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se…

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#22

Subjiwala: madam ye 500 ka
note blouse se nikala hai kya
Madam: hann par kaise laga
Subjiwala: gandhiji ka muh
abhi bhi khula hua hai!

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#23

Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye

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#24

Chota sardar: Mummy kal raat jadu ho gaya. Maine bathroom ka darwaza khola to light apne aap jal gaya.
Mummy: Nalayak, tune phir fridge me susu kar diya.

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#25

Boy : Janeman! tute huye dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar karogi.
Girl : Harmkhor! tuti huyi chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.

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#26

Jab Jab hume pyaas lagti hai,
unke aane ki aas lagti hai ,
unki dewangi mein hum ho gaye itne dewane,
Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lagti hai

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#27

Usama asked Kajol,”how’s ur life ”
She replied,”kabhi khushi kabhi ghum.”
Then Kajol asked Usama,”what about U ”
He replied,”kabhi BUSH kabhi BOMB.

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#28

Pyar ek bar ho to ushe bholapan kehte hein,
Agar wo do bar ho to ushe apnapan kehte hein,
Teen bar ho to ushe deewanapan kehte hein,
Aur agar bar bar ho ushe kaminapan kehte hein.

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#29

Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen,
aap bohat ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.

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#30

Khud ko kar buland itna
Key Himalay ki choti pe jaa pahunche
Aur Log tujh say puchhe
Abe gadhe, ab utrega kaise

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#31

Kal jab rasthe pe ja raha tha toh tumko dekha
aur socha tum gharse mat niklo, tum ghar se mat niklo,
Agar Nikal gayi to yeh bedard zamana kahegi
Who let the dogs out…who who who

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#32

Donoo he dosroun ke achay lagty hai.
Donoo he naey achay lagty hai.
Donoo ko charge karna parta hai.

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#33

American: Hamre yaha khudai ki to jamin se purane jamane ki pipe line aur tar mile.
It means hamare yaha pahele se telephone ground network use karte the.
To fir Indian bola: Yaar hamare yaha khudai to ki magar jamin se kuch nahi nikla.
It means hamare yaha wireless network pahele se hi use me tha.

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#34

Duniya mein reh kar sapno me kho jao,
Kisi ko apna banalo ya kisike ho jao,
Agar kuch bhi nahi hota hai,
To takiya lo or so jao.

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#35

Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.
Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain

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#36

Har khushi ko teri taraf mood doo.
Tery liye chand tare tak tood doo,
Khushiyoo k darwazey tere liye khol doo,
Itna kaafi hai ya do char aur jhoot bol doon.

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#37

SAMUNDAR jitna PROJECT,
NADI jitni EFFORT,
BALTI jitna ESTIMATE,
DABBEY jitni SALARY,
CHULLU jitna INCREMENT,
To kya hoga ACHIEVEMENT

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#38

Boy- Chalo, kisi viran jagah chalte hai
Girl- Tum aesi vaisi harkat to nahi karoge
Boy- Bilkul nahi..
Girl- To phir rehne do…

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#39

Jisko pyaar kiya wo rome chali gai,
Jisko dil diya wo italy chali gai,
Dil ne kaha khudkhushi kar le,
Marne ke liye plug mein hath dala,
To yaar bijli chali gai.

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#40

Pyaar mein Juban chup ho to ankhen bolti hai,
Ankhen chup ho to dil bolta hai,
Aur agar dil chup ho to
Toh Loog bolte hai
“Ram Naam Satya Hai”

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#41

Kash mere dardo ki tujhe aesi saja mile,
Tujhe aayi ho bade jor se SUSU,
Aur kahi karne ki jagha na mile

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#42

Sardarji: bhagwan mujhe dukh de,dard de,tention de,mujhe barbad karde,mere piche bhoot laga de.
Bhagwanji: ek line mein bola hota ki tujhe biwi chahiye.

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#43

Tum kya jano gum kya hota hai.
tumne gum ko kab jana hai.
tum to gum se bekhabar ho.
tumne to hamesha fevicol use kiya hai.

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#44

Aahat si koi aaye to lagta hai ki tum ho,
Saya sa koi lehraye to lagta hai ki tum ho,
Ab tumhi batao tum kya kisi bhoot se kam ho

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#45

Pani aanay ki baat karte ho
Dil jalane ki baat karte ho
Char din se moo nahi dhoya
Tum nahane ki baat karte ho

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#46

Machar ne jo katha to dil mein junoon tha,
Khujli itni huyi, dil bay sukun tha!
Pakda to chod diya ye soch kar..
Ki sale ke rago mein apna hi khun tha.

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#47

Newton ne apple girte hue dekha aur gravity ka pata lagaya.
Salla kutta jhoot bolta hai!
25 saal se hagta tha to kya goo upar jata tha

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#48

Boy: Jaaneman, is dil mein aaja!
Gal: Sandal utaaroon kya
Boy: Are pagli, yeh koi mandir thodi hai, aise hi aaja!

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#49

Larka lerki se : Janeman is dil mein chali aao
Lerki : Sandle utaron kya
Larka : Stupid ye masjid nahi hai ayse hi aa jao

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#50

Sardar watching star tv, bichme advertise aaya,
“aap dekh rahe hai star tv”
Sardar bola, in tv walo ko kaise pata chala ke mai star tv dekh raha hun…