Jokes – Set 14 – 2017

#1

Rok do mere janaze ko zalimo
Mujhme jaan aa gayi hai
Peeche mudke dekho kameeno
Sharab ki dukan aa gayi hai!
Cheers !!!

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#2

Jeeto: Sharam aani chahiye, tumhare Banta ki bibi ke saath sambandh hain.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala
Jeeto: Kal Banta aaya tha, usne tumhara underwear pehna hua tha.

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#3

Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
Yun aansoo na bahana,
Agar meri yaad aaye to,
Sidhe upar chale aana!

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#4

Similarty between Gandhiji and Malika
Dono ne apne kapde tyag diye
Ek ne desh ke liye
Dusre ne deshwasio ke liye

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#5

Samunder bhar syllabus hain,
Nadi bhar padh pate hain,
Balti bhar yaad reheta hain,
Mug bhar likh pate hain,
Chullu bhar number aate hain,
Aur usimein doob kar mar jaate hain

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#6

Suno gaur se “Pepsi” walo.
Buri nazar na “Coke” pe dalo,
Chahe jitna “Dew” pila lo,
Sabse age hoga “Nimbu Pani”
Hai na hum pure “Hindustani”.

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#7

Suraj hua maddham
Chand jal ne laga
Aasma yeh hai
Kyo pighal ne laga
Main tehra raha
zameen chal ne lagi
Kya yeh mera pehla, pehla pyaar hai
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Yeh pyar nahi-earthquake hai bhaag!

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#8

Mahobbat karle, karle
Jawani bar bar nahi aati,
Pyaar ek hi bar hota hai,
Kyuki badi bimaari bar bar nahi aati.

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#9

Zindagi main kabhi tension mat lena,
Bindas hoke i love you kehena,
Agar rose ke badle sandal mile to kehena,
Pyari behena sada khush rahena.

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#10

Bhikhari : Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb : Kal aana.
Bhikhari : Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon
Rupaye fase huye hain.

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#11

Ram ne dhanush toda, sita chali aayi.
Krishna ne bansi bajayi, radha bhag ke aayi.
aur humne sirf seeti bajayi, saali baap ko le aayi.

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#12

Din me teri yaad bahut aati ho,
Khawboo me aake satati ho,
Sochta hu ki tume dinner pe bhulalu,
Kya kahu saali tum bahut khati ho…

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#13

Mere dil, jigar, kidney, liver ho tum
Waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum
Doob kar jisme marr jayu vo river ho tum
Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum…

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#14

Santa singh to his saali: Aap ke saher ki sab se mashoor cheez kaun si hai.
Saali: Koi nahi jija ji, jo mashhoor thi woh to aap le gaye.

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#15

Sab se pehele kiss karo
Bister par leta do
Phir dono tange uper utha kar
Niche haath laga kar dekho
Bachhene ne susu kiya hai ya nahi.

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#16

Fizao me tum ho,
hawao me tum ho,
Baharo me tum ho,
Dhoop me tum ho,
Chhaon me tum ho.
Sach hi suna tha…
Buri aatma ka koi thikana nahi hota…

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#17

Woh sadak ke is paar thi, hum sadak kee us par the
Kuch hum aage badhe, kuch woh aage badhi
Hum kuch aur aage badhe, woh bhi kuch aur aage badhi
Ab hum sadak ke wus par the, aur woh sadak ke is par thi.

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#18

Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte.

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#19

Ravan decides to apologize to Ram.
Ram opens the door.
Ravan blankly stares at Ram & can you guess what he is thinking
Sala kiss moonh se maafi maangu.

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#20

Raniii: Aaj Mainay Paani Ko Ullu Banaya
Nad2909: Woh kaisay
Raniii: Aaj mainay nahaane k liye paani garam kiya aur thanday se naha liya.

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#21

Paise k lobh mein log andhey ho jatei hai,
Paise k lobh mein log andhey ho jatei hai,
Phir bhi andho ke operation main paise kyu lag jata hai.

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#22

Baithe tere khayalon mein,
Kore kagaz pe likh dala tera naam,
Tasvir bhi utaar dali, aur likha yeh paigam,
Zinda ya murda pakadnewale ko 5000/- inaam.

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#23

Ishq k school mai naya mahal tayyar ho gaya,
Class ki teacher ko papu se pyar ho gaya,
Iss baat se sari class ka dil udas ho gaya,
Sari class fail aur papu pass ho gaya.

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#24

Robin, Doctor se: Help me, mein jab baat karta hun to mujhe sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai
Robin: Phone karte waqt.

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#25

Phool hun Gulaab ka,
Chameli ka mat samjhna,
Aashiq hun aapka,
Apni saheli ka mat samjhna.

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#26

Doctor ke haath me phoolon ki mala dekhkar patient ne poocha:
Doctor ye mala kiske liye he
Doctor ne jawab diya:
Yeh mera pehla operation he agar success gaya to mere liye varna tumhare liye

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#27

Meri yaad aye,”yaad karo”.
Zyada aye ,”sms karo”.
Ussey zyada aye ,”phone karo”.
Ussey bhi zyada aye to millo,
Ager ussey bhi zyada aaye to,
Plz jhoot bolna band karo.

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#28

Girl riding on a cycle hit the Jatt
Jatt: Andhi hai kya
Girl: huh Behra hai kya, Ghanti jo mari
Jatt: Ghanti hee marni thi to nikal kar marti, poori cycle marne ki kya zaroorat thi.

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#29

Premi : Bewafa tune mera dil jalakar rakh kar diya.
Premika : Ae mere kurban ashiq teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
rakh ghar bhej de bartan majne ke kam aayegi.

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#30

Bhagwan ke naam pe 1 patni dede,
Apni nahi toh dusre ki dede,
Bhagwan tujhe 1 ke badle 3 dega
Anurag ki tarah prerana ke saath aparna aur komolika free dega…

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#31

Nari ke chakkar mein bhool na jana yaari,
Jab laat maregi nari to yaad aayegi hamari,
Purush bachao samiti ki taraf se janhit mein jaari.

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#32

Nurse: sardar ji app papa ban gay!
Sardar ji: ohh really……Acha meri wife ko nahin batana
Mein usko surprise dun ga….

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#33

Mera dil hai HUGE,
Isse mat karna USE,
Warna ho jaye ga FUSE,
Aur tum hain paden gai SHOES.

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#34

Mere jaise ladke ko kya chahiye
1 Ladki jo pyar de.
1 Ladki jo achha khana banaye.
1 Ladki jo paisa kamaye.
Aur aisa nasib ke tino ladkiyan ek dusre se mil na paaye.

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#35

Wife : Kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon main rehti.
Husband : Meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane har din nayi nayi to milti.

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#36

Mil giya Oye mil gaya,
Oye oye mil giya,
Oho mil giya,
Ballay Ballay…
Mil he giya,
Aaj to mil he giya,
Yeh sms phadne wala ek aur bewqoof mil gaya!!!

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#37

Teri zindagi mein kabhi ghum na ho
Teri aankhe kabhi gam na ho
Meri dua hai ke mile tujhe ek smart si dulhan
Jiska wieght 150 Kg. se Kam na ho!

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#38

Shayad mere pyar ko
Taste karna bhool gaye
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
Ke paste karna bhool gaye
Laakhon honge nigaah mein
Kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
Kabhi to double-click karo
Roz subha hum karte hain
Pyar se unhe good morning
Woh aise ghoor ke dekti hain
Jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don’t like your face
Par dil ke storage mein
No more disk space
Ghar se jab tum nikle
Pehen ke reshmi gown
Jaane kitne dilon ka
Ho gaya server down.

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#39

Arz kiya hai-
Hun mein doctor jahan,
Meri wife hai nurse wahan.
Ye kaisa julm sehana pad raha he,
Mujhe wife ko sister kehna pad raha he.

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#40

Kabhi chilman se ye jhake,
Kabhi chilman se wo jhake.
Kabhi chilman se ye jhake,
Kabhi chilman se wo jhake.
Abe aag laga chilman ko,
Na ye jhake, na wo jhake.

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#41

Woh taaza thanda paani…
Woh khushbudar saabun…
Bathroom shampoo ki bottle se saja hua…
Arre yaar…
Tum kya jano…
Ki…
Roz nahane mein kya mazaa hai.

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#42

Ek paltu kutta gate ke samne khada rehta hai.
Samne se ek kutta jata hai, use ke bad aur 2-3 kutte jate hai.
Thodi der bad aur 4-5 kutte jate hai.
Us se raha nahi jata ek kutte se puchta hai “bhai shab sab milke kaha ja rahe ho ”
Dusra kutta bolta hai “samne wale mohalle mae naya khamba lagaya hai.”

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#43

Dosti karo college wali se,
Ishq ladao office wali se,
Flirt karo paros wali se,
Pyar karo dil wali se,
Ankhe ladao sali se aur
Maar khao ghar wali se.

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#44

Look Here
Bhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnn,
Look There
BBhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnn,
Look Upward
BBBhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn,
Look Downward
Bhhhhhhhheeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnn,
Yaar idhar udhar kiya dekh rahe hoo machhar hai maroo

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#45

Machhar marne ka tarika:
Pehle ek zinda machhar pakde,
Fir usse zamin pe litayen,
Fir usse gudgudi karen,
Aur jaise hi hasne k liye machar muh khole usse ALLOUT pila dein

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#46

Machhar ne aap ko kata,
Yeh us ka junoon tha,
Aap ne khujli ki,
Aap ka sukoon tha,
Phir bhi aap ne usko nahin mara,
Kyun kay us ki ragoon mein aap ka khun tha.

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#47

Narad muni dharti par madira peene aaye,
12 Botal pilane k baad theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi
Narad: Main bhagwaan hoon.
Theke wala: Chad gayi saley ko.

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#48

Ek aadmi ki wife ka rang kaala thha, ek din vo peeli saree pehenke apne pathi se puchi, main kaisi lag rahi hoon
Pati: Jaise koyla ki factory mein aag lagi ho.

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#49

Ek admi sadhu se bola, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu bola, saale upaay hota to mai sadhu kyun banta

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#50

Maine kaha dilruba,
Usne kaha paise dikha,
Maine kaha paise nahi,
Usne kaha aise nahi,
Maine kaha mehengai hai,
Usne kaha ja tu mera bhai hai.