Jokes – Set 17 – 2017

#1

Husband ne at 1st night
Opened the ghungat gave rs.500 Munh dikhai,
Wife said, tum mere husband ho is liye le leti hoo
Warna main 2000 se kam nahi leti.

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#2

Bhagwan ke bina mandir adhoora hai,
Dosti ke bina jeevan adhoora hai,
Patni ke bina ghar adhoora hai,
Aur aapke bina circus adhoora hai

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#3

Do dost ke bich takat ko leker bahut baat ho rahi thi.
Ek dost bola: Tu janta hai meri dadaji kitne shaktisali aur balban the.Woh ekdin 10 fit ucchain se necche gir pade.
Doosra dost bola: Aare bapre phir kya hua
Pehla dost bola: Mar gaya aur kya!

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#4

Palkon pe apni bithaya hai tumhe,
Badi duao ke baad paaya hai tumhe,
Aasani se nahi mile ho tum
National zoological park se churaya hai tumhe.

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#5

Manzil ki taraf badte chalo
Jo dil kahe woh raha chalo
Peche walo ko aage na jane do
Jo aage hai unse aur aage niklo
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Tabhi tum ek achhe rickshawale ban sakte ho 100%

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#6

Admi ki car k sath popat takra k behosh ho gaya.
Admi popat ko ghar le gaya pinjre me rakha diya.
Popat jag k bola AILA JAIL
DRIVER MAR GAYA KYA

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#7

Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice :
99% Sound and 1% Advice….

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#8

Dhritarastra: Main khus hu ki tumne 100 putro ko janm diya.
Gandhari: Swami agar aap andhe nahi hote to ye sab sambhav nahi hota.

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#9

Agar GANDHIJI DON hote to kehte,
” Mera intzaar to 11 mulko ke HAJAM kar rahe hai.
Lekin 1 baat janlo mere sir par bal aana muskil hi nahi namunkin bhi hai.

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#10

Agar zindagi main kuch kar dikhana hai to
kuch aisa karo ki jis shaher, jis gali,
jis mod se guzro wahan ke
har ghar se awaaz aaye,
Papa aa gaye, Papa aa gaye!

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#11

aj ki taza khabar 10 ko bewkoof banaya. . .
plz press down 4 details. . ..
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Ab ki taza khabar 11 ko bewkoof banaya…

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#12

AASMAN ME TUM HO,ZAMIN PE TUM HO,HAWA ME TUM HO,JAHA BHI DEKHO TUM HI
TUM HO.
DOMEX WALI AUNTY SAHI KEHTI HAI
‘KITAANU’ HAR JAGAH HOTE HAI…..
Submitted By Narinder Singh

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#13

Last nite i had a dream abt U…
I saw tht v both were gettig married on the same day…
Ur wife was beautiful but mine is not…
I asked GOD:
Why it is so
GOD replied:
‘BALANCE OF NATURE’…!!!

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#14

A story with moral
My girlfriend called me to her house one day. I went there & found her sister alone in the house. She was unbelievably sexythan my GF. She whispered in my ear, ‘I have feelings for you, make love to me once’ I turned around & walked to thefront door towards my car. Amazingly I found my GF standing there & she hugged me & said, ‘U have won my trust.’
Moral:
Its always better to keep the CuNDuMS in the car & not in the wallet!!

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#15

A little girl to her mother: ‘Mom! i have come to know the boy next door have a pennes like a peanut’
Mom: ‘ Do you mean its little’
girl: ‘ No Mom! Its salty.’

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#16

Your teeth are so yellow, i can’t believe it’s not butter!!!

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#17

Your mind is so open – so open that ideas simply pass through it.

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#18

Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.

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#19

Your future depends on your dreams – So go to sleep!

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#20

Young pandit ji use to go college with his monkey called hanumaan. After few years he had to go alone..Why becauce the monkey graduated

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#21

Young girl goes 2 Dr wth mom. Girl-Medicl check up karana hai. Dr-sare kapde utar ke parde ke piche let jao. Girl-mera nai,mummy ka. Dr-Mataji aap jibh dikhaiye

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#22

You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

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#23

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex No Why, don’t you like pizza !

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#24

You so short you have to look up to look down.

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#25

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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#26

You must have come from the shallow end of the gene pool.

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#27

You Might Be an E.R. Volunteer if…
your immune system attacks a dog crossing your front garden.
you have delusions of being an emergency doctor.
the EMS guys think your name is the Coffee Mate.
you tell the doctors and nurses that you don’t get

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#28

You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if…
your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
you get an almost irresistible urge to

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#29

You look so good you could be on Telivision. You’re already blurred.

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#30

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.

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#31

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

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#32

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.

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#33

You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.

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#34

You can use this joke to explain that insulting someone is considered funny especially when that person is fishing for a compliment.
Mary: John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do you think, Peter
Peter: I think you’re pretty ugly.

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#35

You can ride your horse in the saloon.

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#36

You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.

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#37

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.

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#38

Yo sista so damn stupid on her last job application where it said ‘Sex ‘ she marked ‘M, F, and occasionally on a Thursday too..’

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#39

Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window.

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#40

Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, ‘What a treasure!’ and your father said, ‘Yea lets go bury it’.

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#41

Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.

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#42

Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!!

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#43

Yo mamma is so fat:
She eats Wheat Thicks.
We’re in her right now.
She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, ‘FREE WILLY.’

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#44

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind.

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#45

Yo mama’s so stupid she can’t pass a blood test.

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#46

Yo mama’s so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.

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#47

Yo mama’s so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.

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#48

Yo mama’s so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.

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#49

Yo mama’s so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

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#50

Yo mama’s so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.