Jokes – Set 18 – 2017

#1

Yo mama’s so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

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#2

Yo mama’s so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

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#3

Yo mama’s so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super-Bowl.

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#4

Yo mama’s so damn stupid on a job application it said ‘sex’ and she wrote Monday wednesday and sometimes friday.

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#5

Yo Mama’s breath is so bad, she made a tic tac run away!

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#6

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

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#7

Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she was arrested for 1st degree murder.

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#8

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

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#9

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept.

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#10

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

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#11

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

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#12

Yo mama so old she has Jesus’ beeper number!

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#13

Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongus, and ‘OH

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#14

Yesterday I was in the doctor’s waiting room and I heard a ninety-six-year-old man pleading with the doctor for a lower sex drive.
‘Surely you’re imagining things,’ said the doctor. ‘You’re ninety-six years old. Isn’t all the feeling for sex just in you

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#15

YEH AISA MSG HE JISE BEWAQOOF PERHTE HEIN. NALAIK DOSRON KO FARWARD KERTE HEIN, GADHE DELETE KERTE HEIN AUR PAGAL SAVE KERLETE HEIN AAP KIA KERNE WALE HEIN

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#16

Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners
So men cn underst& Tm.

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#17

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.

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#18

Written on the front side of a Girl’s T shirt: ‘I am a Virgin ‘ … On the back ‘This is an Old T shirt ‘..!

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#19

Written on a toilet roll in a public Lavatory : ‘Sociology Degrees, please take one.’

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#20

Would a wingless fly be called a walk

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#21

Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U
Take T pin out & throw it back.

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#22

Worried woman: ‘Doctor, I think I’m pregnant.’
Doctor: ‘But I gave you the Pill.’
Worried woman: ‘Yes, I know. But it keeps falling out.’

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#23

Worried patient: ‘Doctor, I’m very worried. I’m still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work every evening.’
Doctor: ‘Oh, that’s nothing to worry about. Just have a few drinks before your dinner – that will soon wake you up.’

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#24

Woman complaining to dentist: I’d rather get pregnant than have a tooth filling! Dentist: Ok, decide from now so I can adjust the chair accordingly.

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#25

wo snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why
First snake:Because I bit my lip!

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#26

Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.

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#27

Wife:Yester-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes! Husband: Yeah, I saw ur dad paying the bill !!!

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#28

WIFE:Wat wil U Giv Me if I succesfuly climb n reach d top of d great MOUNT EVEREST…..
HUSBAND: lae bholi na hove tan..Eh v puchhan wali gal hae..
‘Dhakkaa’

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#29

Wife:Honey wht ru looking4 Husband:Nothing. Wife:Nothing U’ve been reading our marriage certificate 4an hour Husband:I was just luking 4d expriy date!

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#30

Wife:Apko pata hai mr.R apni patni ko kiss karke hi office jate hai,lekin apne kabhi ki. Husband:Chahta to mein bhi hu,lekin mr.R ki biwi nahi manegi.

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#31

Wife: Why are you home so early Husband: My boss told me to go to hell.

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#32

Wife: u know, husband and wife are not allowed 2 be together in heaven!!! Husband: yes, that’s y it’s called heaven

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#33

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

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#34

WIFE: kyu ji! Jab bhi me aapke pass aati hu to aap Chasma pehente ho HUSBANd: Doctor ne kaha hai jab SAR DARD aaye to Chasma pehen lena.’

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#35

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu.Wife: Kitni mari Man: 3 male aur 2 female.Wife: Kaise malum Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se.

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#36

Wife: Jab tum DESI pite ho mujhe PARO kehete ho, jab Whisky pite ho toh DARLING kehete ho. Aaj kya piya hai jo CHUDEL keh rahe ho. Husband: Aaj main hosh main hu.

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#37

Wife: Im ashamed of the way we live; papa pays the house rent, my brother sends food and clothing, aunty pays our electric and water bills and my friend Sheela buys us movie tickets.I dont like to complain but now its too much. Husband: U shud be ashamed;

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#38

Wife: I want to enjoy this sunday. So i have bought three tickets of movie.Hsbnd: Why three Wife: One for you and two for your parents.

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#39

Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!

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#40

Wife: ‘Sardarji aaj kuch aisa karo ki mere paseene nikal jaaye.’Sardar gets up and switches off the fan..!

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#41

Wife- i will die.
Husband- i will also die.
Wife- Why do you want 2 die
Husband- bcoz ma itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta!

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#42

WIFE- chalo na car mein kahin ghumne chalte hai.or car mein drive karungi. Husband- Agar tum chalaogi to jayenge car mein or ayenge akhbar mein..

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#43

Wife is a knife who cuts Husbands Life.

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#44

Wife going to Wife returns. Husband:-where is my gift Wife:-wait 4 9months. London. Wife:-Do u want anything from England Husband:-ya… English girl.

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#45

WIFE : ‘ I wish I was a newspaper, so I’d be in ur hands all day.’ HUSBAND : ‘ I too wish that u were a newspaper, so I could have a new one

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#46

Wife 2 Husband,’See That’s My First Boy-Friend At The Bar, He Is Drinking Since I Left Him 10 Years Ago !’ Husband,’Nonsense ! No One Can Celebrate That Long !.

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#47

why’d the monkey fall outta the tree
’cause he was dead…
why’d the other monkey fall outta the tree
’cause he was dead too…
why’d the third monkey fall outta the tree
peer pressure…

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#48

Why won’t sharks attack lawyers
Professional courtesy.

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#49

Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed
She couldn’t control her pupils.

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#50

Why was the washing machine laughing
Because it was taking the piss out the underpants.