Jokes – Set 26 – 2017

#1

There were two Christians Travelling on a plane. Sitting behind them was a Muslims. As they realized that a Muslims is Travelling with them. They started talking loudly with each other.
James said to Tim.
Tim where r u going, hopefully to Dubai.
Tim

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#2

There were four 80 year old men playing golf. One complained the hills were to high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said ‘Shut up! At least we’re still on the right side of the grass

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#3

There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!

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#4

There were 4 friends:somebody,nobody,brain & mad
One day Somebody & nobody were fighting while Brain was in washroom. And mad called to pollice.

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#5

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

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#6

There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and next morning found out that she was six months pregnant.

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#7

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

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#8

There is no ‘I’ in ‘Team’, but there are four in ‘Platitude-Quoting Idiot’.

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#9

There are two times a man does’nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!

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#10

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know.

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#11

There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

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#12

There are Three Scientist Come together to Make AeroPlain 1 from U.S.A. 2 from Japan & 3 from India. The American Scientist arranged for Necessary Raw Materials Then Japanis Scientis Assembeled the Plain At Last Indian Scientis paint on the plain i.e Made

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#13

There are three girls in the sixth grade … A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ………… The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

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#14

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

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#15

There are 2 times, when a man doesn’t understand a woman do you know when before marriage & after marriage

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#16

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy
The one on the range.

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#17

The woman went to see the doctor. She had a large flower growing out of the top of her head.
The doctor looked at the flower and said: ‘That is quite remarkable. I’ve never seen anything like that before. But I’ll soon cut it off.’
‘Cut it off ‘ snapp

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#18

The wise never marry – And when they marry they become otherwise.

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#19

The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids

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#20

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up from the table and said, ‘I have to go back to the office. I forgot to lock the safe!’ ‘What are you worried about ‘ the other said. ‘We’re both here.’

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#21

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

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#22

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

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#23

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb ‘to walk’ in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ….
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run …

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#24

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: ‘I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.’
‘Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just

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#25

The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.

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#26

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

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#27

The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.

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#28

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

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#29

The seven-year old girl told her mom, ‘A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.’
‘Oh, dear,’ the mother nervously sighed. ‘What happened, honey ‘
‘Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.’

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#30

The senior civil servant went to the doctor and complained of being unable to sleep.
Doctor: ‘Oh! Don’t you sleep at night ‘
Civil servant: ‘Yes, I sleep very well at night. And I sleep quite soundly most of the mornings, too – but I find it’s very di

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#31

The secret of a HAPPY married life……… is still a SECRET!

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#32

The real estate agent says, ‘I have a good, cheap apartment for you.’
The man replies, ‘By the week or by the month ‘

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#33

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

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#34

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

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#35

The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.

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#36

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he

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#37

The patient says ‘Doctor, it hurts when I do this.’ ‘Then don’t do that!’

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#38

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

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#39

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

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#40

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

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#41

The meek shall inherit the earth…..after we’re through with it.

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#42

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism.

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#43

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

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#44

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

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#45

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

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#46

The graduate with a science degree asks ‘Why does it work ‘
The graduate with an engenieering degree asks ‘How does it do that ‘
The graduate with an accounting degree asks ‘How much does it cost ‘
The graduate with the Arts degree asks ‘Do you want

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#47

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

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#48

The flood is over. The Ark is parked neatly on the top of Mount Ararat, and Noah is standing alone on it’s deck, not one animal on board. ‘Bloody Animal Liberation League!’ exclaims Noah.

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#49

The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

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#50

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.