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The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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#2
The doctor took his patient into the room and said,
‘I have some good news and some bad news.’
The patient said, ‘Give me the good news.’
‘They’re going to name a disease after you.’
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#3
The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion ‘
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.
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#4
The doctor says to the patient, ‘Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window’. ‘What will that do’ asks the patient. The doctor says ‘I’m mad at my neighbor!’
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#5
The Doctor says ‘You’ll live to be 60!’ ‘I AM 60!’ ‘See, what did I tell you ‘
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#6
The doctor had just finished examining the very attractive young girl.
Doctor: ‘Have you been going out with men, Miss Jones ‘
Miss Jones: ‘Oh. no, doctor, never!’
Doctor: ‘Are you quite sure Bearing in mind that I’ve now examined the sample you se
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#7
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying ‘Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.’ Mrs. Cohen answered ‘So did my arthritis!’
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#8
The difference between marriage and death Dead people are free.
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#9
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
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#10
The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
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#11
The company sergent is briefing the recruits: ‘For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father, and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so you know what that makes you…’
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#12
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
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#13
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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#14
That guy is so old he shops at EXTREMELY Old Navy.
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#15
Thappad marne pr naraj patni ko pati bola admi use marta he jise pyr karta he patni ne pati ko 2mare or boli aap kya samjte hd k mai apse pyar nhi karti.
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#16
TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens
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#17
Teacher:Bachon wada kro kabhi sharab,cigrette nahi piyo ge
Bachey:Nahi piyenge
Teacher:Girls ka peecha nai karoge
Bachey:Nahi karenge
Teacher:Unn par awaaze nai kaso ge
Bachey: nahi kasenge
Teacher:Watan par zindigi qurbaan karo ge
Bachey:Ka
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#18
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
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#19
TEACHER: Why are you late
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow.’
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#20
Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called
Student: They r called Germs.
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#21
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water
SARAH: ‘HIJKLMNO’!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about
SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
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#22
teacher: what do you want to become
little Johnny: doctor !!
teacher: why
little johny: coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
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#23
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested
Pupil : A teacher.
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#24
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
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#25
TEACHER: u call ur mother as MUM. What will u call ur mother’s younger sister & elder sis Sardar:so simple,i’ll call them MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
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#26
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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#27
Teacher: The people of Turky are called ‘ Turks’. Now tell me what are the people of Germany called
Student: They must be called ‘ Germs ‘.
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#28
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. Always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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#29
Teacher: Sonu, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his Sonu: No, teacher, it’s the same dog
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#30
Teacher: pappu, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago. pappu: Me!
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#31
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating Manu: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.
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#32
Teacher: Johny, how do you spell ‘crocodile’ Manu: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L’ Teacher: No, that’s wrong Manu: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
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#33
TEACHER: John, how do you spell ‘crocodile’
JOHN: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
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#34
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects
JOSE: Don’t bite any.
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#35
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America
CLASS: George!
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#36
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with ‘I’.
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, ‘I am.’
ELLEN: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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#37
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions
Student: Well…yes and no.
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#38
Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
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#39
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same
as your brother’s. Did u copy his
Desmond: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
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#40
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
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#41
Teacher: batao Gandhi jee kaise paida huye
Boy: Indian govt says ‘I.S.I is fully involved in dis tragedy’.Kehti hai’I.S.I na banti Gandhi jee ka janm na hota’
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#42
Teacher: ‘Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring ‘
Nick: ‘What do you think it is, Sir ‘
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#43
Teacher: ‘I don’t think, I KNOW!’
Nick: ‘I don’t think I know either, Sir!’
Submitted by Bernadette Kelly
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
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#44
Teacher: ‘George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn’t punish him ‘
Johnny : ‘Because George still had the axe in his hand.’
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#45
Teacher: ‘Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ‘ jonny: ‘Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time.’
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#46
Teacher-can u define the word lecturer for me
student- lecturer is a person who has a bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping.
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#47
teacher teaching algebra to student
A=B=C
it means A=C
sir asked 2 giv exampl 4 it
student:sir i luv u, u luv ur daughter,it means i luv ur daughter
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#48
Teacher : If u have 12 chocolates u gv 5 to Leena,3 to Tina,4 to Meena, den what wil u get Student: 3 NEW GIRLFRIENDS
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#49
Teacher : ‘Can anybody give an example of CO INCIDENCE ‘. Sardar : Sir, my mom n dad married on the Sameday, Sametime.
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#50
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
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