Jokes – Set 40 – 2017

#1

Eve to Adam: ‘What do you mean the kids don’t look like you ‘

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#2

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

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#3

Engineer interview dene gaya BOSS:aap salary kitni chahte he
ENGR:1 lakh/month
BOSS:hum aapko 5 lakh denge
ENGR:kyu mazak karte he sir BOSS:SHURUAT KIS NE KI

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#4

Energizer Bunny Arrested; charged with battery.

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#5

Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.

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#6

EK UNPARE(ILLETERATE) CONDUCTER SE: GAREE MAI JAGA HAI. COND: HA EK ADMEE KEE. SAWAREE: LEKEN MERE PASS DO LADIES B HAI.
COND: TUM BETOO MAI LADIES KO OPPER BAND LOANGA

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#7

Ek shrabi roz SHIV mandir pe sir tekta tha.Ek din Pujari ne SHIV murti ki jagah GANESH murti rakhi.Shrabi aya,dekha bola Chotu,papa se bolna main aya tha..

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#8

Ek Sharabi Nashe men Tun hokar jarha tha to peche se ek Tange wala Aya, us ne kaha, hat jao hat jao, Sharabi hat gaya or side per ek ghar k darwazey k sahare khara hogaya, wahan us ko neend aa gae. subha ghar k malik ne darwaza khola to sharabi neche gir

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#9

Ek shadishuda aadmi ladkiyo ke samne dekh raha tha. Kisi ne objection liya. Usne jawab diya kya upvas ho to menu card bhi nahi dekh sakta

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#10

Ek ladka ladki dekhne gaya… Both are in a room for 10 minutes to talk each other… Ladki (Darte hue) : Bhaiya aap kitne bhai bahen hain Ladka : Abhi tak to 3 the..lekin ab 4 ho gaye.

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#11

Ek jungle mein chuhay se sab dartey the,
agar sher us k samnay aa jata to dar kar bhaag jaata,
haathi bhi kahin chup jata,
aas paas k log yeh dekh kar preshaan huay or kaha aakhir kia maajra hai,
pata chala chuha MQM mein tha

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#12

Ek dulha ne shaadi ke time apni saas se poocha: ‘aapke city me famous kya hai enjoyement ke liye ‘ saas: ‘ bus usi se tumhari shaadi ho rahi hai …!’

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#13

Ek din Narad dharti par BEER pine aye,12 botal pilane k baad: Waiter:Aapko chadti kyo nahi Narad:MAIN BHAGWAN HU. Waiter:Chad gayi saale.

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#14

ek din mirinda aur 7up ladne lage jab pepsi ne poocha app logh kyun ladh rahe hoo, tu mirinda aur 7up ne pepsi se kaha sale kale tu apna kaam kar.

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#15

Ek Chota baby Apni Pregnent Mummy Se Puchta Hai Isme Kya Hai, MUMMY:Isme Pyara Baby Hai, BABY:Itna Pyara Thaa Toh KHAA Kyo Gayi… 🙂

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#16

ek chooha ek shayr[lion]ki shaadi me dance kr rha tha,lion k ek relative ne choohay se poocha tum lion ki shaadi may kayse ayye ho tum to ek choohay ho,to choohay ne kha k lion mayra bhai he is liyey may aya hoon ,lion k relative ne kha k tum choohay lion

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#17

Ek Bihari ko Raaste me
cycle ka paidal mila
aur use uthakar Ghar le aya.
Ghar laa kar Biwi ko bola
ye sambhal ke rakhde,
isme cycle dalwa lenge.

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#18

Ek admi kabar par baitha tha, musafir ne pucha dar nahi lagta admi bola darne ki kya baat kabar me garmi lag rahi thi thodi der bahar aa gaya.

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#19

Ek aadmi kabar par baitha tha.Musafir ne pucha dar nahi lagta Aadmi:Darne ki kya baat hai,andar garmi lag rahi thi thodi der bahar aa gaya!

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#20

Ek aadmi cycle se jaa raha tha. Raaste me usne ekd ladki ko cycle maar di. Ladki : Ghanti nahi maari jaati kya Aadmi : Puri cycle maar di, ab kya ghanti alag se maaru.

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#21

Ek aadami bhains ke upar beth kar aa raha hota hai.
Police wala – helmet kaha hai.
Aadami – sahib tanik upar nahi niche dekho ee 2 wheelar nahi 4 wheelar hai.

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#22

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren’t sucked into jet engines.

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#23

During the war, people used to say that you needn’t worry about the bombs. They would only hit you if they had your name written on them. Which was bad news for my neigbours, Mr. and Mrs. Doodlebug.

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#24

Drive carefully. 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.

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#25

Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.

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#26

Drilling for oil is boring.

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#27

Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

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#28

Don’t take life too seriously, You’re not getting out alive.

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#29

Don’t spend 2 dollars to have a shirt dry cleaned. Donate it to the Salvation Army. They’ll clean it and put it on a hangar. Next morning you can buy it back for 75 cents.

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#30

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

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#31

Don’t get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It’s a lot easier on you.

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#32

Don’t buy a dwarf with learning difficulties.
It’s not big and it’s not clever.

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#33

Don’t be a sexist, broads hate that.

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#34

Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.

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#35

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected

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#36

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE

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#37

Doctor: ‘I’ve got very bad news – you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s’
Patient: ‘Well, at least I don’t have cancer’

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#38

Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way
Since I was a puppy!

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#39

Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the violin after the operation ‘ ‘yes of course….’ ‘Great ! i never could before’

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#40

Doctor, doctor! I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Sit down and don’t stir.’

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#41

Doctor, doctor! I’m terribly worried. I keep seeing pink striped crocodiles every time I try to get to sleep.
Have you seen a psychiatrist
No – only pink striped crocodiles.

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#42

Doctor says to a man ‘You’re pregnant!’ The man says ‘How does a man get pregnant ‘ The doctor says ‘The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner….’

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#43

Doc: Dis isn’t urine sample bt aple juce u brot in!
Mrs gupta:God! Can I make a call
Doc:Y
Mrs gupta:I may’ve pakd d othr botle with gupta ji’s tiffin.

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#44

Doc & engg loved d same girl. Engg before going out of station for a week gave 7 apples to the girl. Why B’coz an apple a day keeps doctor away

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#45

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat
Cut off your head.

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#46

Do you think I can live for another fourty years … Do you drink … No! … Do you smoke … No! … Do you visit the whores … No! ……. Why do you want to live another fourty years

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#47

Do you smoke after sex
I don’t know, I’ve never looked.

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#48

Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front of
board which said FINE FOR PARKING

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#49

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer
No Good!

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#50

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections