Jokes – Set 41 – 2017

#1

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as ‘4s’

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#2

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please

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#3

Do khoosrey kahin jaa rahey they unn mien se ek neechey gir gya tu dusri ne usey uthatey huey kaha UTHO BEHAN MARD BANO..

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#4

Divorce : Future tense of marriage

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#5

Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.

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#6

Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump

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#7

Did you hear They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

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#8

Did you hear about the spanish fireman who named his sone Hose A and Hose B

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#9

Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe
He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.

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#10

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award
Apparently he was out standing in his field.

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#11

Did you hear about the new blonde paint It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.

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#12

Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night

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#13

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping
Scared the hell out of the dog.

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#14

Did you hear about hte new French tank
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.

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#15

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in
that’s how dogs spend their lives.

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#16

Did ya hear They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

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#17

Dialogue between 2 undertakers. ‘Do you have sometimes a dead period ‘

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#18

Devdas says to Paro: aik sham mera naam ker do.
Paro : ja ja main kahan or tu kahan.
Devdas:itna garoor tu CHAND ko bhi nahin hai.
Paro:kase hota CHAND per dagh jo hain.
Devdas called his son(CHAND):Tu aaj phir nahi nahea… .

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#19

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains

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#20

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

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#21

Department of Redundancy Department

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#22

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don’t worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost Dentist: It’s Rs 1000. Patient: One thousand for just a few minutes work Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like

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#23

Define true music lover.Ans: A girl is singing in bathroom while taking bath and a boy near the keyhole is using his ears and not his eyes.

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#24

Death to all fanatics!

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#25

Dear [bride’s name],
Isn’t it quite funny how History repeats itself
[Bride’s Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy…and now it’s happening all over again

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#26

Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action.

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#27

Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk

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#28

da cocktail party 1 woman said to another ‘Aren’t u wearing ur wedding ring on da wrong finger ‘ The other replied ‘Yes, I am, I married da wrong man.’

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#29

Customer: Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up Waiter: I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller.

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#30

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

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#31

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that’s okay. The soup isn’t hot.

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#32

Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee
Waitress : Is it enough Sir
Customer : What Do you think I can’t buy more

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#33

curcuit- hey mammu papad aur jhapat mein kya fark hai
MAMMu- nahi pata
curcuit- to kha ke dekhle pata chal jayega

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#34

CURCUIT- bhai bapu(gandhiji) ne bola tha ki kabhi jhoot nahi bolneka, aaj se apun bhi jhoot nahi bolega
MUNNA BHAI- hey curcuit wo sunita ka baap ayela hai tereko dhund reyla hai
CURCUIT- bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai kheti karneko
MUNNA BHAI- p

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#35

Correction: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago.

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#36

Corduroy pillows – they’re making headlines!

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#37

Contents may have settled out of court.

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#38

Consequences of American life style:
The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids

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#39

Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.

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#40

Confucious say Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock.

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#41

Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.

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#42

Comment Probably too difficult for most ESL students.
A person who speaks two languages is bilingual…A person who speaks three languages is trilingual…A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one lang

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#43

Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.

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#44

Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

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#45

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.

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#46

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

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#47

Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons ‘of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.’

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#48

Child: Mom is bar saray patakhay hum is shop say lain gay,
Mom: Beta yeh tu girls hostel hai,
Child: Papa tu kahtay hain k sari phuljhariyan yahin rahti hain.

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#49

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

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#50

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.