Jokes – Set 44 – 2017

#1

Aik aadmi jungle se guzar raha tha
A Churail stops him & says:
Hoo Hoo Haa Ha Ha, mai Churail hoon,
Aadmi:janta hoon, teri 1 behan mere ghar main hai.

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#2

Ah Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.

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#3

Agar Duniya mey kuch kar dikhaana hain
toh sunn meri baat..
Haathi ke upar ulta khada
hokar Photo Khichva,
Ab photo ko ulta karke
duniya ko dikha…

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#4

After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He 1st checks the patient’s eyes, tongue & ears with a Torch & finally declares
BOLE TO………. TORCH THEEEEK HAI

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#5

AFTAB to SHAHRUKH:Tumhe pata hai aab tak ki meri sab se achi perfomance ‘ANKAHEE’ hai.
SHAH RUKH:TO fir aab kiyu Bata rahe ho!!!

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#6

Afghan Boy’ when do u say an afghan boy matured
when he takes out his diper and ties it on his head.

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#7

Advntages of havin sex with maried women: They give like hell,They do not yell,They do not tell,They do not swell & thers no risk of wedding bell

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#8

AdviceAlways listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice :99% Sound & 1% Advice….

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#9

Advice
Always listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice :99% Sound & 1% Advice….

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#10

Abracadabra
Nope, ur still ugly!

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#11

Aap main Aur Malaika sherawat main kiya fark hey color no. Pesa no. daish no. phir kiya hey. janab woh utne kapre ka kastoom bana leti he jitna aap naak saf karne k liye istamal karte ho.

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#12

Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai
Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare
aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare…

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#13

A: Why are you crying
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

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#14

A: Why are all those people running
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running

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#15

A: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast
B: What was it
A: Eggs.
B: No, that was yesterday.

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#16

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.

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#17

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he
A: He will be six

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#18

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

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#19

A young man asks a kind priest: ‘Father is it a sin 2 sleep with a girl Father: ‘No my child but the problem is, u guys never sleep…..

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#20

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,
‘I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment’.
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect’.
He never heard the shot..

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#21

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!

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#22

A woman was sitting at a bar when a man approached her and said, Hi, sweetie! Want a little company Woman: Why Do u have one to sell

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#23

A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, ‘Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks ‘ He says, ‘Why Are my eyes bulging ‘

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#24

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

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#25

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does’nt. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

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#26

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the begining of a new argument.

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#27

A Wife asks hubby how many woman he had slept with Husband proudly replies Only You Darling, with others i was awake…

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#28

A white couple had a black baby, the husband dnt believe that it is hs baby. Husbnd: why da baby black Wife: U hot, I hot, Baby burnt!

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#29

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: ‘Hey look, I’m a vet — I don’t need to ask my patients these kind o

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#30

A threelegged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’

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#31

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’

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#32

A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.

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#33

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
‘Wow!,’ said her father, ‘That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened ‘
‘Wrong number,’ replied the girl.

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#34

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked young Johnny, he said, ‘My father’s dead, Miss.’ ‘Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died ‘ ‘He went blue and collapsed.’

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#35

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!

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#36

A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!

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#37

A Son at college wanted more money.
He sent a telegram to his father
‘NO MONEY.
NO FUN.
UR SON.’
The father replied:
‘HOW SAD,
TOO BAD,
UR DAD!!

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#38

A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there’s a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman ‘What did you do that for ‘

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#39

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: ‘Doctor, I have an ear ache.’
2000 B.C. – ‘Here, eat this root.’
1000 B.C. – ‘That root is heathen, say this prayer.’
1850 A.D. – ‘That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.’
1940 A.D. – ‘That potion is snake oil,

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#40

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

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#41

A sardar was always teasing his wife ‘Teen bachon ki maa’. One day she got angry & teased him back ‘ek bache ka baap

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#42

A rose is always a rose whether its in a golden pot or in the ground. Same way u r always my friend whether u r in central jail or mental hospital…

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#43

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: ‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104 ‘ She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

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#44

A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
Looking for more dumb laws Check out DumbLaws.com!

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#45

A pregnant lady goes to astrologer.He says when the baby Will deletered baby’s father will die.The lady says oh thank god my husband is safe

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#46

A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the street at a wrong place
and shouts Why are you crossing here Cant you see a zebra
crossing there
The guy replies Let the zebra cross. What can I do

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#47

A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, ‘This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much

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#48

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

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#49

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual…A person who speaks three languages is trilingual…A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language

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#50

A Perfect Man
What do you call an intellegent, sensitive, and good looking man
A rumour