Jokes – Set 47 – 2017

#1

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest

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#2

1. Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw
2. Did you hear about the deaf sheepherder who gathered his flock and heard

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#3

1 Pakistani on Moon-No Problem, 10 Pakistanis on Moon-No problem, 100 Pakistanis on Moon-No Problem, All Pakistanis on Moon-PROBLEM SOLVED!!

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#4

1 Medical student ne apni classmet ko khun se likha letter dekar kaha, Muje iska answer jarur dena. Ladki Ne Ans Diya Tumara blodgrp B+hai

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#5

1 INDIAN FUJI APNI MAAN KO 1965 KAY JANG KI GOLA BARI KAY BARAY MAIN BATA RAHA THA TU US KI MAAN BOLI BETA TUM BHAG KAR DARAKHT (TREE) PAR CHAR JATAY TU FUJI BOLA AMAAN DARAKHT PEHLAY HI OFFICERS KAY LEAY KAM PAR GAEE THAY

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#6

1 drunk asked the other:What a beautiful night,look at the moon.Other drunk: U are wrong,thats not the moon,that s the sun.Both started arguing for a while when they saw another drunk walking; they stopped him,Sir,pls help settle our argument Tell us what

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#7

.Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

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#8

. I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

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#9

(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

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#10

(To the tune of ‘Yesterday’)
Leprocy, bits and pieces falling off of me,
I’m not half the man I used to be,
Oh I contracted Leprocy.

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#11

(Scene – Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.)
Robert: Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya
AJIT: Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh do. Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do.
Robert: Par sui kyon, boss!
AJIT: Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide hua

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#12

(Scene – Robert and Ajit are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs
a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed !)
Robert: Boss ab kya hoga
AJIT: Robert Ek aur hole bana do, aur ek hole me IN
aur doosre me OUT likh do. Ek hole se p

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#13

(Scene – Ajit thoroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling s typing.)
AJIT: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Robert: Magar kyoon boss
AJIT: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

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#14

(Scene – Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT: Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do,
saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho jaayega.

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#15

(Scene – Ajit get s hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.)
AJIT: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas
AJIT: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta Jab pulice yehaan aayegi

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#16

(For advanced learners… and teachers )
Early one morning, one of the gods was galloping around Mount Olympus. Invigorated by the brisk breeze, he shouted euphorically, ‘I’m Thor!’
His stallion looked back at him and reminded him, ‘That’th becauthe y

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#17

(answer is invariably-) ‘Stop!’
‘What, at a GREEN light ‘
Submitted by Karen
There is a California dude going through a desert. He’s wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman. He’s having a good time. Suddenly he sees

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#18

((( )))))) (((( ) ( ))))
(((((; <._.> ;)))))
(((((( __, ))))))
Dont u ever send me your picture again! u scared me to death!

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#19

‘Was your wife a virgin when you married ‘
‘I don’t know. Some say yes. Some say no.’

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#20

‘ve known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you.

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#21

‘Doctor, doctor! I feel like a piano.’
‘Then I’d better take some notes.’

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#22

‘Doctor, doctor! How can I get this ugly mole off my face ‘
‘Get your dog to chase it back into its hole.’

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#23

‘Doctor, doctor! Can you help me My tongue keeps sticking out.’
‘That’s good. Now, if you can just lick these stamps…’

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#24

‘You look very funny wearing that belt.’
‘I would look even funnier if I didn’t wear it.’

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#25

‘You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.’

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#26

‘Why do you take baths in milk ‘
‘I can’t find a cow tall enough for a shower.’

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#27

‘What do use for washing dishes ‘
‘Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best.’

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#28

‘What did one ghost say to another ‘
‘Do you believe in people ‘

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#29

‘Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.’ ‘Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.’

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#30

‘The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.’
‘And did he ‘
‘Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.’

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#31

‘One thing’s for sure about Clinton…
He sure doesn’t neglect domestic affairs!’

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#32

‘More hay, Trigger ‘ ‘No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!’

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#33

‘I was born in California.’
‘Which part ‘
‘All of me.’

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#34

‘I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine… I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.’

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#35

‘Hey Bill, I heard you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet’. ‘No kidding How much memory will it take up ‘. ‘Not much, just two Bytes.’

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#36

‘Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo ‘
‘No, I’m sorry I don’t.’
‘Well, it’s two blocks this way, then one block to the left.’

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#37

‘Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do ‘ The doctor says ‘Limp!’

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#38

‘Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.’ ‘Don’t answer!’

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#39

‘Doctor, I can’t pronounce my F’s, T’s and H’s
‘Well you can’t say fairer than that then’

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#40

‘Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands shaking!’
‘Do you drink a lot ‘
‘Not really – I spill most of it!’

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#41

‘Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.’
‘Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.’

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#42

‘Do you know what really amazes me about you ‘
‘No. What ‘
‘Oops. Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!’

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#43

‘Do you drink ‘ the girl’s father inquired of his prospective son-in-law.’
‘First tell me whether it is a question or an invitation’ asked son-in-law.

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#44

‘CELLO ‘
The pen of india.
‘LUX’
The soap of india.
‘Amul’
The taste of india. ‘I’
The best in india. ‘You’
Time waste of india… 🙂

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#45

‘Are you an organ donor ‘
‘No, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.’

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#46

‘A’ ki Biwi ‘B’,
‘B’ ki Bhabhi ‘C’,
‘C’ ki beti ‘V’,
‘V’ ka dada ‘G’
‘G’ ki biwi ‘K’,
‘K’ ki beti ‘T’,
To batao ‘A’ or ‘T’ ka kya rishta hua
Reply only in 2 Minutes…

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#47

””””””)9mm
/”’/&/”””
/ /I KILL PEOPLE
”’ FOR MONEY,
(>’<) ( 'o' ) BUT YOU (,) (,) ARE MY (')_(') FRIEND, SO I KILL YOU FOR NOTHING!!!.

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#48

!!!
One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.

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#49

World’s Smallestresignationletter
Respected sir,I luv ur wife.

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#50

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu. Wife: Kitni mari Man: 3 male aur 2 female. Wife: Kaise malum Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se…