Jokes – Set 58 – 2017

#1

Headmaster:I’ve complains about u,Jhony,from ur teachers.What have u been doing
Jhony:Nothing,sir.
Headmaster:Exactly.

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#2

santa bike se ja raha tha,
ladki ko dekh karachanak gir gaya
ladki oh my god lagi toh nahi
santa-o nai soniye hum toh aise hi bike se utarte hai

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#3

Sardar looked at himself in mirror and said:
Is ko kahain dekha hai. Then he said:
Oye yaad aya, ye to woh he kamina hai jo
Shaadi ki album main meri biwi k saath hai

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#4

Aankho mein ansu aa jatte hai,
Phir bhi labo par hasi rakhni parrti hai,
Ye haal tabhi hota hai,
Jab lambe safar main susu rokni parrti hai..

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#5

2 bachhon ki maa tisri baar shadi kar rahi thi. Shadi k waqt chota bacha rone laga.
Maa boli: Chup ho ja, warna agli baar sath nahi laungi.

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#6

|~ tODAYz thOUgHT ~|
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Always dn’t depend on my thoughts,
Try to think of ur own sumtimes.!
Useless fellow.

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#7

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

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#8

Q:What is more painful
When a person whom u trust, hurts u
OR
The person whom u hurt, still trusts u
Think about that & reply!

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#9

guest host se- main khana kha raha hoon par ye kutta mujhe kyun dekh raha hai
host- ye kutta apni plate achhi tarah pehchanata hai.

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#10

A Sweet Hindi man to a saint: Baba, my wife troubles me too much. Tell me some way.
Funny Saint: Had there been any way, why would have I became a saint

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#11

Wt s de bigest pressure 4 Pak captain wn Pak neds 1 run 2 win in 8 ovrs,wd 5 wickets in hand
Ya Allah!How 2 speak English in presntaton ceremony

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#12

Santa was beating his son,so wife asked..kyon maar rahe ho Santa:saale k number par phone kiya to ek ladki boli,THE PERSON U R TRYING TO REACH IS BUSY.

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#13

santa–lalaji detol soap hai..
lalji– hai..
santa– to haath dhokar 2 kg chinni de do…

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#14

Murga- I love you.
Murgi- Hahaha, tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho
Murga- Kuch bhi kar sakta hun.
Murgi- Ok. chalo ek anda dekar dikhao.!!

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#15

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog’s brother.

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#16

A boy shying to propose a girl finally proposed in a unique way:- ‘kya tum mujhe apni chita ko aag lagane ka adhikar dogi ‘

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#17

santa and banta went to steal in Ram,s house at night when he is sleeping
Santa drops a plate
Ram :kaun hai
Santa: meow
Banta drops a plate
Ram : kaun hai
Banta : ek aur billi

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#18

Heights of laziness:
Boy: mom 1glaas pani dedo
mom:khud lelo
beta:pls dedo
mom:ab manga toh thappad dungi
beta:jab thappad dene aaogi toh pani lete aana.

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#19

Keep a special place 4 me in your heart,
Not in your mind.
keeping me in ur mind can bDANGEROUS for u
Because
people
Say
I
M
Mind
blowing

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#20

salman:aaj mere paas 14 cars, 18 bikes, 4 bunglow,3 farmhouse hai……
tere paas kya hai
amitabh: mere paas beta hai…
jiske paas teri item hai!!

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#21

Teachr:Translate-Bazar Me Goliyan Chal Rhi He
Santa:The Tablets R Walking In The Market

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#22

Prof: Define Seminar…
Stud: Seminar is defined as a process in which 1 person spoils his sleep for 1 night in an effort to make others to sleep…!

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#23

1 Admi ka inteqal ho gya.
Uska dost us ki BV k paas aaya Or bola:
Kya main us ki jagah le sakta hoon
BV:Mujhe koi Etraz nahi
QABRASTAN walon se pooch lo..=P;->

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#24

Sardar: Teri maan masrof he to zara kake non apna dodh pila de.
Beti: (shocked) Bapo mera aje dodh nahin aanda
Sardar: Acha shosha te badi banai ae…

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#25

Ik aadmi thand lagne se kamp raha tha. Uska chhore ne doctor ko phone kiya.
Doctor: Kya hua
Chhora: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu subha se vibration mode pe laga hai.

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#26

santa- “i m going” ka kya matlab hota hai
banta(khub soch ke)- “me ja raha hu.”
Santa(gusse me)- “oye! nahi jaane doonga. pehle matlab bata.”

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#27

Ek student phichhe ke bench se bola, madam piche ki light on kar do,To madam ne bola ki mere piche kaha light hai ki on karu.

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#28

A girl comes late to class.
Proff-y r u late
Girl-sir ek ladka mera pichha kar rha tha.
Prof-To late kaise ho gai
Girl-sir ladka bahut slow chal rha tha.good night

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#29

85yr old man buy Viagra and ask The Chemist ‘isko kiske sath loo’
Chemist : ‘Baba, Ganga jal ke sath ‘kyo ki itne sal baad itni khushi bardaasht nahi hogi !

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#30

husband wife se bola
hata lo apne chehre se ye zulfe
E jane-e-tamanna
khuda kasam agli baar khane me baal aya to
SAJNI
Se
GHAJANI
bana
dunga…..

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#31

Santa Was Kissing A Blank Paper.
Banta: Ye Kya Hai
Santa: Mri Girlfriend Ka Love Letter Hai
Banta: Magar Ye Toh Khali Hai
Santa: Aaj-kal Hum baat nahin karte

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#32

Pathan aur Gadhey main 3 cheesain common hain
1.dono pagal
2.naswar khatey hain
3.aur pagal hotey hain

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#33

Yoga teacher to a woman: Does yoga has any effect over your husband.s drinking habit Woman: Yes, an Amazing Funny Effect! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

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#34

Always listen to your WIFE. She gives you sound advice…. 99% Sound and 1% advice.

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#35

Sardar key promotion ho gayi exective se manager wo ghar gaya
b.v ko new style main bataya ‘tu aj raat manager naal soye gi’
b.v behosh

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#36

News reporter:
KHAN SAAB ye batain k plateform
par kharay saray pathan kaisay maray
Pathan: aik elan hua k train plateform per aa rahi hai,
sub ne patri par chalang laga di.
Reporter:Phir aap kaisay buch gaye
Pathan:main khudkushi k liye patri per leta tha,
ye elan suna to main plateform per ja ker lait gaya:)

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#37

Raat ke 2 baje ek admi bahu ke kamre
se nikla aur chala gaya.
Saas ne dekha lekin kuch na boli
Kyu .
Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!

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#38

Judge:Why r u arrested
Santa: 4 shopping early
Judge:Well, thats not a crime, anyway hw early u shopping
Santa:Before opening the shop ..

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#39

Mr.Bean Science
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Major Rohail:
I was stuck in ELEVATOR for 3 hrs
Due to electric failure
Mr.Bean:
Ya me too
I was stuck on ESCALATOR for 5 hrs

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#40

Gabbar Wala darr Ab Purana Ho Gaya
Aajkal Door Gao Me Raat KO Jab Maa-Baap Sote Nahi.
To Bachcha Kehta Hai:So Jao Bapu..Nahi To Ek aur HO jayega.

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#41

Santa was smoking in front of his father.
His friend- Oye papa ke samne smoking kar raha he
Santa- Baapu he, koi petrol pump thodi na he.

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#42

Santa to Banta mei bachpan may bohat taqat war tha..
Banta- wo k se
Santa- meri Maa kehti hy k jab mei rota tha to sara ghar sar py utha leta tha..

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#43

1986 ke girl; Mama jeans pehen lon
Mom;Na baiti log kiya kahen gay.
2006 ke girl;Mama mini skirt pehen lon
Mom; pehen baiti kuch to pehen………….

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#44

If some one would like to have
a successful life after marriage
so he should implement this formula.
Never break 4 things in life.
1. Promise
2. trust
3. heart
4. relation
It never sounds when it breaks
but pains a lot.

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#45

Ek boyfriend apni girl friend se bola, darling mere kaan mein
kuch naram sa, kuch halka, kuch mulayam sa kaho.
Girl friend boli ‘DHOKLA’

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#46

santa bus se utarte hi mitti utha ke bola- ye mitti ki khushboo ki baat hi alag he.
banta- thik se dekh ye mitti nahi gobar he…..
lol

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#47

soldier-sir we are surrounded by enemies from all the directions. major- excellent! now we can fire in any directions.

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#48

Ek bhikari ne hotel me phone kiya-
.
1 pizza,1 plate biryani,1 plet rasmlai, bhej do.
.
Hotel- Kiske naam par bheje SIR
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Bhikari-Allah ke naam par!!

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#49

Autowala to Bunty : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Bunty : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!

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#50

to see light look at the sun, to see love look at the moon, to see hope look at the future, to see beauty look at the nature, but to see all of this look at the mirore!!