Jokes – Set 62 – 2017

#1

Ortho Surgeon to Patient :
I’ ve Good news and
Bad news for you.
The Bad news is
I Amputated the Wrong Leg.
The Good news is Your
Bad Leg is Getting Better.

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#2

ECLAIRS SAID TO DAIRY MILK:
I’M SWEETER THAN U.
DAIRY MILK REPLIED:
‘SSSHHH…
DON;T DISTURB ‘WORLD’S SWEETEST PERSON WHO IS READING THIS SMS.’

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#3

My no. is changd. Plz note my New no. is 100, plz call me 2 comfrm. Mera naukar uthaye to 2-4 galiya de dena. Bada kamina hai, apne aap ko Police kehta hai….

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#4

Gabber: Aaj maine Basanti ko nahate hue dekha!
Viru: Kutte, Kamine main tera khun pi jaunga.
Gabber: Haramkhor, me naha raha tha or Bansanti ja rahi thi !!

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#5

santa : main ek bar bathroom me susu karne gaya to waha sher tha banta: phir kya hua
santa: maine sher ko kaha app kar lo mera to nikal gaya…..

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#6

Wife writes msg 2 Pappu’ ghar kab aa rahe ho Msg karke batao.’ Pappu writes msg 2 her and sends ‘nahi bata sakta balance kam hai.’

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#7

Jailor-Tum kis zurm mai andar aye ho
Qaidi-Sarkar Se competition ho gaya tha
Jaiol-Kis baat ka
Qaidi-Note chap ne ka

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#8

Wife Came Home Wid a Goat .
Husband Asked: Ais Bhanis Ko Ghar Kyon Lai Ho
ife : Dikhta nahi Bakri Hai
Husband: Bakri Se Hi Poch Raha Hon..

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#9

wakeel: my lord kanoon ki kitaab ke saffha number 15 ke mutabiq mere muakkal ko ba izzat-bari kia jaye.
JUDGE: kitaab paish ki jaye
(kitab pesh ki gaye)
judge ne saffa khola to us mei 5000, 5000 k do note thay..
JUDGE: is tarah k do saboot aur pesh kiye jayein.

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#10

father to teacher: why is my child poor in history like me teacher: beacuse HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.

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#11

Kya tum ped pe chadsakte ho,
kya sanjivani buti la sakteho,
kya sina cheer k dikhasakte ho,nahi na,
beta kewal shakal bandar
jaisi hone se koi Hanumannai hota.

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#12

A boy and a girl play ludo. Boy agar 1,2,3,4,5 aya to i will kiss u.
Girl- what Accha ..Agar 6 aya to.
Boy- Kabhi ludo nahi khela kya, 6 aiya to phir se meri bari….

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#13

Teacher 2 pathan: Qaatil kise kehtay hain
Pathan: Pata nahi,
Teacher: agar tum apnay baap ko
qatal ker do to tum kia kehlao gay
Pathan: YATEEM

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#14

Santa- Sir aap apni patni ko party me kyun nhi le jate
Boss- Bcoz vo gaon ki hai.
Santa- sorry sir mujhe laga k vo sirf aapki hai….

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#15

SHRAAB EK BIMARI HAI, JO SAMAJ KO BARBAAD KAR RAHI HAI, AAO MILKAR IS BIMARI KO KHATAM KARE, EK BOTTLE TUM KHATAM KARO, EK BOTTLE HUM KHATAM KARE. CHEERS….

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#16

Teacher: “Sunny ne dopahar khana khaya” is ka future tense banao
Student: “Sunny sham ko potty kara ga” =))

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#17

A Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital tp deliver…
The wife however gave birth to a black baby. The Chinese man who was shocked named him: SOME TIN WONG..

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#18

Santa: Why are you heating the knife
Banta: To do suicide.
Santa: But why are you heating it
Banta: To prevent infection.

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#19

ik pagal gusy main;
oye main is dunia ko mita dungaa…………mita dungaa………..mita dungaaaaaaaaa…………
dusra pagal ; he he he hahahahahahah
main tughe rubber hi nahi dunga;)

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#20

1 fine morning in the middle of the night,
2 dead boys woke up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Took out their swords & shot each other,
One deaf pliceman heard the noise &
Killed the 2 dead boys
Beleive this lie, it’s really true,
Ask the blind beggar, he saw it too.

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#21

An Elephant meets an Ant.
ANT: Tumhari umer kitni hai
ELEPHANT: 5 saal.
ANT: 5 saal aur itne barrey.
ELEPHANT: Main NEEDO jo peeta hoon.
ELEPHANT: Tumhari umer kitni hai
ANT: 30 saal.
ELEPHANT: 30 saal aur itni chhoti…
.
.
ANT: I use LUX, meri khoobsurti se umer ka pata he nahi chalta…

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#22

Nojwan aage bado. Santa aage nahi bada.
Captain:-tum aage kyun nahi bade.
Santa :-apne kaha 9jawan aage bado main 10ve number pe hun.

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#23

Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name

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#24

American: do you know swimming
Indian: no
American: dog is better than you, it swims
Indian: do you know swimming
American: yes
Indian: then what’s the difference between you and dog.

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#25

Teacher:Can You Spell
A Word That Has More
Than 100 Letters In It
Santa : Post Office

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#26

If girl vomits her parents asks-Kon tha wo Kamina
If boy vomit-Kamine,Kaha pikar aya ho
Moral:
No matter who ever vomits,
Boys r always kamine

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#27

Police Inspector : Have you caught the thief
Sharef : No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector : What
Sharef : Finger prints.
Police Inspector : Where
Sharef : On my cheeks.

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#28

”Ham na badlein gay waqt ki raftaar kay sath,,,
”Faraz”
Ham jab b milen gay hamari sabzi ka rate 1 he ho ga
Aalo 10rs kilo
Tamator 15rs
Muli 5 rs

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#29

Ek lady aik bazurg k paun choo k boli baba ji koi change mat deo,
Baba ge: o bibi brazier pa k aaya kro hildey mummy vekh k te babe di apni mat waj jaandi aye.

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#30

when u give a flower to gilrz so rection in nation
japniess: pass rakh k muskuria gi
austrilan: pyar bhari nazar se dekhe gi
kiwi: tumhare gal pe kiss kere gi
indian: guldan mai saje gi
pakistani: souche gi kash yeh gobi ka phool hota
raat ko alo(potato) milla k saag banti

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#31

I m a fl.wer
but
ROSE is U,
Im . star
but
MOON is U,
I m . stone
but
DIAMOND is U,
I m the sky
but
SUN is U,
I m the LIGHT
but
LOAD SHEDDING IS U

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#32

Wife to husband:Uttho raat ke 2 baje he,
Husband to wife:Itni raat ko q uthaya
Wife to husband:Aapne neend ki goli nahi li .

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#33

AGAR PEPSODENT WALE CONDOM BANANA SHURU KAR DE TO KYA HOGA
RAAT BHAR DISHUM DISHUM.

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#34

aik dafa *GALIB* MEHBOOBA ke ghar ke peechay susu kerte pakre gaye to bolay
*Tere Pyar Main Hum Yuun Giray GALIB*
Ke ANSOON Bhi Gir Rahe Hain Rasta badal badal Ker*

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#35

A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body ‘
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor!’

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#36

dost dusre dost se
jiska dil tut gya hai uske pass gernl knowlge kyon nhi hoti
dost—jiska dil hi tut gya wo /g.k/kya kare

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#37

Kya tum ud sakte ho Kya tum seena chir ke dikha sakte ho Kya tum sanjivani buti laa sakte ho Beta sirf shakl bandar jaisi hone se koi hanuman nahi hota

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#38

Boss: Santa tumhe pata nahi ki permission ke bina andar aana mana hE.
Santa :-Sir main permission lene hi to andar aaya hu

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#39

We are good friends because
u think I am sweet
and
I think u r sweet,
U think I am nice
and
I think u are nice,
You think I am smart
and
I think you are right:p

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#40

CID – Why criminals leave their finger prints after their crime
Santa – sir, criminals are uneducated.
If they are educated, they would leave their signature..

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#41

kuch is tarha us na mujko bewaqoof bana dia
faraz
.
.
!
haan bilkul isi tarha..

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#42

Miss ne nursery class k bchay se kaha
1 se 10 tk gino main tumhen kiss krun gi
Bacha bola:
Agr me 1 se 1000 tak ginu to koi pakage hai

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#43

Doctor:-(Mareez se) ‘Ager mary elaaj se tum tandrust ho gaye to kia do ge ‘
Mareez:- ‘Mein qabrein khodta hon, Aap ke liye muft mein qabar kho don ga…’

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#44

1 Pathan hamesha Apne Mobile K Saath 1 Scissor Rakhta Tha
Kisi Ne Poocha
“Khan Saab Ye Konsi Science Hai ”
Pathan: :”O Yaara Kbhi Kbhi Call Katna B Par Jata Hy Na

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#45

Wife-I am going to England
What gift i shall bring u.
Husband – A British girl.
Wife came back and said
Wait for nine months.

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#46

Wife-Aap Bahut Mote Ho Gaye Ho
Husband-Tum Be To Kitni Moti Ho Gayi Ho
Wife-Me To Maa Ban Ne Wali Hu
Husband-Me Be To Baap Ban Ne Wala Hu
5 days, 23 hours ago by via web

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#47

Ek PATHAN 500 ka naQli note le kr ek DUKAAN DAAR k pass gaya..
aur kaha k “SURF” de do…
DUKAAN DAAR ne kaha :
is note pr to QUAID-E-AZAM ki “TOPI” hi nhi hai..
PATHAN ne kaha: Topi DHULNAY gai hui hai isiliye to “SURF” mang raha hoon…

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#48

Ek bacha peda hote he nurse se bola : mobile hai kya Nurse : hai lekin karoge kya Bacha : kuch nahi woh bus GOD ko miss call kare he k mein puhanch gaya hoon

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#49

SANTA: (biwi se) Koi aisi baat kaho mujhse ke mere pair zameen par na rahe.
BIWI: Tujhe phansi kyu nahi laga lende

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#50

kutta poonch kyon hilata hai
socho
kyonki ki poonch mai itnni takat nahi hoti k vo kutte ki hila sake