Jokes – Set 68 – 2017

#1

PROFESSOR – Fools ask
so many questions
which make a
Wise man go Mad.
PAPPU – You are right sir, we go thru a
similar situation during
our exams.!

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#2

Bhikhari Ne Fon Kia – Hello Taj Hotel,
Ha Ji
1 Pizza
1 Biryani
1 RasMalai Bhej Do
Taj – Kiske Nam Se Bheju Sir,
Bhikari – Allah K Nam Pe Bhej Do…

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#3

Ik mandir ki deewar pay likha tha: agar app gunha kar k
thak chuky hain tu ander aiay.
Neechy lipistick say likha hoa tha
Agar nahi thaky tu samny waly ghar main ajiay

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#4

Why don’ t dogs marry
–
–
–
–
–
Bcoz .Woh to pehle hi kutte ki zindagi jee rahe hote hain

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#5

vodka+water=injurs kidney
rum+water=injurs liver
whisky+water=injurs heart
gin+water=injurs brain
lagta hai saala pani mein hi kuch locha hai…:-)

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#6

Class me 2 Ladkiya,
1 gori
1 kali.
Kali Gori se:Tu konsi cream lagati he
Gori:FAIR & LOVELY or tum
Piche baita SANTA bola
Cherry Blosm.

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#7

Girl : Meri Har Saans Pe Kai Ladke Marte Hain
Boy: Toh Tum Koi Acha Tooth Paste Istemal Kyu Nahi Karti

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#8

LAGA CHUNARI ME DAAG CHHIPAUN KAISE
LAGA CHUNRI ME DAAG CHHIPAUN KAISE
ARRE CHHIPATI KYOUN HAI, SURF EXCEL HAI NA.

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#9

‘Sheikh ka 1 rupiya chatt se gir gaya,
sheikh neeche pohncha to rupiya nahe mila
kion
sheikh rupiay se pehley pohnch gaya tha!:-

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#10

Santa 5 minute me paper dekar exam hall se bahar aa gaya.
Sir: Paper nahi aata tha kya
Santa: Actually wo agle paper ki taiyari karni he.

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#11

A guy goes to an interview.
Interviewer(I): What is you place of Birth
Guy:says Thiruvananthpura
I:
Spell it
Guy: No..No..It’s Goa…!

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#12

SHERU ARPITA SE BOLA –
BHAI AAJ TO CHAY PINE KA MAJA AA GAYA.
ARPITA NE KAHA- UNCLE JI, AGAR BILLI
NE DUDH ME MUH NA MARA HOTA TO AUR BHI MAJA AATA.

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#13

Do Aadmi
First: Tere Pita Kya Karte Hai.
Second: Logon Ko Ashirvad Dete Hai.
First: Kya Bhagwan Hai.,.,
Second: Nahi, Bhikhari Hai

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#14

1 pathan ne jali note banaya orr Quaid-e-azam ki topi bhol gaya
Jab dukandar ko dia tou dukandar ne kaha:
Iski tou topi nahi hay.
Pathan Bola:
Ye Quaid-e-azam lala ki garmion ki tasveer hay…=P;->

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#15

Math Teacher: Agar tumhari dono pocket me 1000 rupees ho, to kya sochoge
Sam: Main sochunga ki kahin maine papa ki pant to nahi pahen lee.

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#16

Santa: You remind me of the sea.
Jeeto: Because I’m wild, unpredictable and romantic
Santa: No, because you make me sick.

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#17

AIRPORT Pe-
Patni: Dekho,Wo Couple KISS Karte Hue Kitna Khush Dikhai De Rahe Hai.
Pati:Wo Usse DROP Karne Aaya Hai, RECEIVE Karne Nahi..

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#18

Larka bus stop per larki ko daikh kar bola
tu to meri jaan hai
tu mera imaan hai…..
lerki nay apni joti utari tu larka bola
mai bi pakistan ho
tu bi pakistan hai

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#19

ek bar ek admi nanga naha raha the tha dusra bola abe tere kapde kaha gaye usne kaha abe me naha raha hu na kapde gile ho jayenge

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#20

Ek hathi ne ek chuhiya ko ched diya,
chuhiya ne hathini ko shikayat karke kaha ki
apne pati ko samjha lo
varna Mard hamare ghar mein bhi hai

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#21

If somebody comes n tells u,
That u r fool, lazy & stupid!
Don’t b afraid, go to him,
Catch his neck,
and tell him
“Kisay hor noo naa dasin”

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#22

Kanjoos : Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos :Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

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#23

Q : Why did the blonde women bring a ladder to the pub
A : Because she heard drinks were on the house

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#24

Judge: Tum Dakaiti Dekhte Rahe,
Roka Q Nahi
Gawaah: Janab Agar Meri Jaan Chali Jati To Aapko Chashmadid Gawaah Kahan Se Milta

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#25

Newly married couple went to a restuarant.
Husband: Darling, now we r just like one person.
Wife: It’s ok. But don’t forget to order lunch for two.

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#26

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!

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#27

Bush ne bivi ko surprise
dene k lie Naqli darhi monchain laga
k rat ko chupke se bister men so gaya.
adhi rat ko bivi ki ankh khuli to us k mun
per hath phera or khushi se ucchal
kar boli USAMA tum aaj phir aa gaye

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#28

I have often wanted to drown my troubles… but I have not been able to convince my wife to go for a swim!

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#29

koi Book aesi milti jis pey Dil luta dety,
Her subject ney demagh khaya kisi 1 ko nipta dety,
Ab sylabus dekh ker ye sochten hain k,
1 maheena or hota to anni paa dety

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#30

Antar MantarJadu Jantar Chhhooo Kuch Mahsus Hua Nahi Na Jadugar Ne Bhi Yahi Kaha Tha K ye mantr sirf insano pe asar karta he..

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#31

Mr.bean and his wife drinking hot coffee at a cafe
bean:Drink fast
wife:why
bean:look at the board
board’hot coffee rs.5 and cold coffee rs.30′

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#32

Tring Tring Tring.
Sardar: Hello kon bol raha hai
Other side: Ji, main bol raha hon.
Sardar: oye ye to kamal ho gia,
idhar se bhi main hi bol raha hon.

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#33

Teacher: Bachon kasam khao kabhi Sharab,Cigrte,Ladki inko nahi chuoge, aur desh ke liye jan doge! Bache: de denge sir, aisi jindgi jikar kya karenge.

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#34

PATHAN:
meri aulad nahi hoti
DOST:
app mazaar per dua karo
NEXT YEAR:
DOST:
kia howa
PATHAN: nahi hoi
DOST:
kon se mazar per dua ki thi
PATHAN:
QAID_E_AZAM KA

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#35

Banta to santa -tu hamesha mujhe bewakuf kyun banata hai
Santa- kyunki tu BANTA hai…..

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#36

Ek sardar ko truck ne takkar mar di,
Dost, yaar jo hona tha so ho gaya,
par tu abhi tak itna gabraya hua kyoun hai
sardar, yaar truck ke pichhe likha tha
‘PHIR MILENGE’.

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#37

Girl:mai tumharey liye sub kuch chor du gi
Boy: ma baap
Girl:Yes
Boy: khana penna
Girl: Yes
Boy: sari dunya
Girl: Yes
Boy:Star Plus
Girl: apna mou sambhal kar baat karo !!!

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#38

Banta: I think that girl is deaf.
Friend: How do u know
Banta: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals (Shoes) are new

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#39

dharmendr got a new vodafone conection but never got network…. why
bcoz vodafone dog stillremembar his dilogue :kutte mai tera khoon pi jauga,

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#40

Girl: Excuse Me sir, Kya Aap Mere Chehre se 1 chiz hata sakte he
Man (Khush Hoke): Haan, Zara Boliye To
Girl: Apni nazar hata lijiye

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#41

REASON: Ye Decide Ho Raha Tha K Sikh Kon Lega Aur Pathan Kon

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#42

Wife: Wo samay jo admi drink ker raha hai,
usko main nay 10 saal pehlay shadi k
liye inkaar kia tha.
Aaj tak sharab pee raha hay!
Husband: Wow! itni lambi celebration!

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#43

Reporter: Laaluji, the poor women in bihar dont have clothes to wear
Laalu: U FOOL,tum FASHION TV dekhe ho Rich women bhi clothes nahin pehanti hai. Yeh fashionwa ha

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#44

Son: Mein school nahi jaaunga,
Mom: Kyu
Son: Kaam Karunga,
Mom: 4th Class padh kar kya kaam karoga
Son: 3rd class ki ladkiyon ki tution lungs:-)

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#45

son:papa apko yad hai app ne kaha tha ke agar tum pass ho gaye to tumhe 5000rs milge …
dad:hian mujhe yad hai.
son: papa good news hai appke 500 rs bach gaye

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#46

Santa: Tu office mein toh bada sher bana ghumta hai, ghar par kya ho jata hai
Banta: Hota toh sher hi hoon par DURGA sawar ho jaati hai .

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#47

Q: What’s the definition of irreconcilable differences
A: When she’s melting down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet.

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#48

Recession and its Circumstance
Chacha kaise ho
Chacha: ab kya batau…. Bada beta share broker hai… doosara beta Jet Airways mein hai… teesara software mein aur… Ladki Lehman Brothers mein…..
sabse chhota PANWALA hai… Bus Wohi ghar chala raha hai!

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#49

Sara zamana Gawah hai ke aap aik
Nehayat Sharif
Emandar
Mukhlis
Parhezgar
Diyanat Dar
Zaheen aur Naik
Insan ka Sms parh rahe hein

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#50

Bhikhari: Hello Hotel Taj, one Pizza, one Biryani aur one Non Veg Dish Bhej Do.
Waiter: Kiske Naam pe bheju, Sir
Bhikari: Bhagwan Ke Naam Pe.!