Jokes – Set 71 – 2017

#1

There is only one boy who is allowed to touch every part of a girl body and reliable guess who is that boy ….. Thats LIFEBOY yaar.

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#2

What’s pink and hard
A pig with a flick knife

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#3

Girl:How Much You Love Me
Boy:Like SHAJAHAN
Girl:Then When Will You Build TAJMAHAL
Boy:Already Purchased Land; Now Waiting For Your Death.

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#4

Confidence Or Over confidence mai kiya farq ha.
Aap Apni GirlFriend ko Kiss kr sakte hain
Thats Confidence
Sirf Or Sirf Ap he kr Sakte Hain
Thats over Confidence!

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#5

Sardar traveling 1st
time in plane
2mumbai.
While landing,he
shout’BOMBAY,BOMBAY’
Airhostes said’B
silent’
Sardar:OK’Ombay,Ombay’..

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#6

bush-tujhe swiming aati h
lalu-nahi
bush-tere se to kutte ache h jo swiming kar lete h
lalu-tujhe swiming aati h
bush-yaa..
lalu-to phir tere aur kutte me kya farq h

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#7

Teacher: Dhritrashtra Ke 100 putra the aur Pandu Ke sirf 5, aisa kyu
Student: Madam, kyu ki Jinki aankhe hoti hai, unhe aur bhi kaam hote hai.

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#8

Khuda ke Ghar say Kuch Gadhey farar hogaye
kuch to pakray gayai
kuch hamare yaar hogaye

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#9

When u get this sms,
send it 1 person u love,
1 u hate,
1 u always think of,
and 1 u wish to kill.
Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u

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#10

Banta: How is dew formed Santa: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

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#11

Story:
Once upon a time, there was a boy
who aksed a girl,
“will you marry me ”
The girl replied,”No”
aur is tarah
Larka hasi khushi rehnay laga.

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#12

A Santa enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab
Santa : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.

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#13

Doctor implants New Ear 2 a man Man: ‘U fraud,U gave me a woman’s ear’ Doc: It makes no difference Man: ‘It does,Now I hear everything but understand nothing’

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#14

The most romantic country of the world..
.
.
guess!
.
.
O yes! it’s Pakistan
u know y

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#15

har raat candle light dinner
(thanks to kesc)

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#16

santa-wo Ladki behri lagti he.Me kuch kehta hu,wo kuch aur hi bolti hai banta:kaise santa:Mene’I Luv U’kaha,to wo boli Mene kal hi Naye SANDAL kharide hai

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#17

Santa washed his underwear&put it for dry near neighbour aunty’s panties and told her that please remind me to remove my underwear when you remove you panty.

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#18

Larki K Nakhry
1 Call
Me Aisi Larki Nai Hun
2 Call
Sirf Msg KrnGi Bat Nai
3 Call
Sirf Rat Ko Bat Ho Skti H
4 Call
1 Br Hi MiloGi
5 Call
Sirf KISS Kr Skty Ho :p

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#19

Waiter :Would you like your coffee black
Customer : What other colors do you have
:)))

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#20

gana sunenge
o
oo
ooo
oooo
ooooo
oooooo
huzur…
13
1313
131313
13131313
sururrr….
focukt main to aisa hi milega

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#21

Height Of Hazir Jawabi !
Ek Larka Gadhay Ke Samne Gir Gaya..
Ek Khubsurat Larki Ne Dekha Aur Boli :
Apne Bare Bhai Ke Paon Chu Rahe Ho..
Larka: Jee Bhabhi.. : )

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#22

Bahu:Maaji ye abhi tak nahi aye
kahi koi dusri Aurat
Saas:kalmuhi tu hamesa ulta Sochti h
aisa B to ho Sakta h kisi truck k niche agya ho

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#23

Way may be difficult,full of trials,sorrows pains,but if u fall down,just standup straight,be confident & say..bhenchod.dhaka kisne maara

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#24

Father 2 Son: Pados ki ladki ko dekh wo exam men 1st ayi hai. Son: Usi ko dekhta tha, tabhi to fail hogaya

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#25

What is Marriage
Ans: 1st yr: Alpenlibe-Ji lalchaye raha na jaye
2yr:TVS-Meelo chalti muskan
3yr:KINETIC- Sabki hawa nikal de
4yr CHLORMINT-Dubara mat puchna!!

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#26

Pagal khane me pagal nach rhe the
In me se 1 pagal khamosh baitha tha
Dr.ne pucha
tum q khamosh baithe ho
pagal ne kaha
bewquf mai Dulha hu….

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#27

Santa public toilet gaya aur ek gante aad nikla.
Bahar baita jamadar bola- 20rs
Santa-saale… bathroom me baita tha… koi cyber cafe me nahi…

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#28

Teacher- Apko Shahrukh Khan Ki Movie RAB NE BANA DI JODI Se Kya Lesson Mila
Student- Ummeed Mat Haro, Shadi Ke Baad Bhi Ladki Pat Sakti He

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#29

Ram – I notice that
Your Wife is
mostly in the kitchen,
Probably she Cooks
many varieties.!
Shyam – No.! Actually
our Telephone Connection
is in the kitchen.!

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#30

Kiya wo i
Vo kab aye gi
Vo aye gi b ya nahi
Vo zaror aye gi na
Usay ana chahiye! usay ana ho ga!
mujhe lagta ha k vo aa gai
App k face pe ek cute c smile

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#31

Dost: ‘Tumhari toh RAM – SITA ki jodi lagti hai’
Man:’Bilkul Galat hai:
Naa to koi meri biwi ko utha ke le jaata hai, Naa hi ye dharti me samaati hai!

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#32

Dr: aapko brain tumer hai
pataint: oh great news(khush khabari)
Dr: aap itne khush kaise hai
pataint:isase yah saabit hota hao ki mere paas dimag to hai.

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#33

Napolean:’In my dictionary there’s no word called ‘IMPOSSIBLE’ Santa:’Abi bolne se kya faida,jab kharida tabi barabar dekhna chahie na.

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#34

bandar ki beti ne kaha papa main sadi karna chahti hun to bap ne kaha ruko dulha sms padh raha hai.agar w muskura de to samjho rista paka ho gaya.

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#35

1day Sardar had a dream dat some1 killed him. Next day he closed his ICICI Bank Account
Why Why
B’coz of ICICI’s slogan ‘WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE’

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#36

Aik jagah B.A Ki Degree ki Sale Ho Rahi thi,
Aik Admi Ghoray sE Utra Bhaga Hua Gya Or Aik Degree li Or Bola Bhai AIk Or Degree meray Ghoray k Liay Bhi de do,
Saleman Bola jAnab Ye Degree siRf Gadhon k Liay Hai.

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#37

What frustrated Banta when his wife gave birth to twins He wonders who is the father of the second son!

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#38

In Court Judge Said to Women:
U R Realy Brave,Daaku Ko Buhat Maara TumNe
Woman: Mujhe Kya Pata Daaku Tha,Me Samjhi Mera shohar ghar dair se aaya hai

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#39

You know what I did before I married Anything I wanted to!!

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#40

Question- Voting k liye 18 saal aur Shaadi k liye 21 saal poore hone chahiye! Aisa kyun hai
Answer- Kyunki sarkar sambhalna aasan hota hai par biwi sambhaalna utna hi mushkil! 😉

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#41

History teacher:
From where did the Mughals rule
Student:
Sir…I am not sure
I think from page 15 to 26

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#42

Interviewer: Why did you change your last job Santa: Because the company shifted and didn’t tell me where!

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#43

Santa:-yar uth bhukamp aa rha hai sara ghar hill raha hai. Banta:- soja yaar ghar to makanmalik ka hi girega!!!

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#44

janwaro ki party m chuha char peg lagakr set tha
billi — agar aaj party na hoti to mai tujhe kha jati
chuha– ja chali ja nhi to log khenge ki daru p kar janani koot di ..

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#45

Naukrani ne malkin se kaha, memsahab gajab ho gaya, pados ki teen auraten aap ki saas ko peet rahi hai.
Malkin naukrani ke saath balakani se aayi aur chupchap tamasha dekhne lagi.
Naukarani ne poocha, aap madad karne nahi jayengi
Malkin: Nahi uske liye teen hi kaafi hai.

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#46

A drunken man phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car.
They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator, he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.
Never mind, the drunk said with a hiccup. I got in the back seat by mistake.

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#47

Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.
Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.

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#48

Aman To Chaman: Tell Me 5 Animals Living In Water
Aman: Hmmm …Fish.
Chaman: Thik Ha Aur Chaar
Aman: Fish Ke Brother, Sister Father And Mother .

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#49

3 Mice Were Boasting About Their Bravery
Mouse1: I Poisoned The Dogs Meat
Mouse2: I Ate Cheese From The Trap
Mouse3: Ok Guys I’m Leaving,I Hav A Date Wid Cat

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#50

Boss : I am giving you a job as a driver. The STARTING salary is Rs.2000 /-, is it o.k.
Santa : You are great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….
But how much is the DRIVING salary…