Jokes – Set 75 – 2017

#1

2 ladies baat kar rahi thi.
1st: Ye HUSBAND kya hota he
2nd: Tu nahi janti
Ye ek tarah ka BAND hota he, Jise ladies BELAN se bajaati he

—– —
#2

A 60 years old bachelor advertises his Zaoorat-e-rishta
after a month he got a letter
‘mian sahib’ iss umar mein RISHTA nahi FARISHTAY aata hein.

—– —
#3

Ek pagal gusse me: oye mai is duniya ko mita dunga . mita dunga . mita dunga . Dusra pagal: he he he! mai tujhe rubber hi nai dunga

—– —
#4

Pathan : yeh mera door ka bhai hai..
Man: door ka me samjha nahii
Pathan: es ke aur hamare darmiyan 13 behn bhai hein..

—– —
#5

In a court: So, Witness, what did you do when you saw this woman whacking her husband’s head with this iron I called my fiance and said I had changed my mind about marrying her.

—– —
#6

Friend 2 Sheikh:
Muje apni ring de do main ring ko dekh k tumhay yaad karu ga
Sheikh:
Tum ye soch k muje yaad kr lena k mene ring mangi thi or usne nahi di.

—– —
#7

Santa achanak apni biwi ke office pahuncha
to dekha ki biwi boss ki god me baithkar
dictation le rahi hai.
Usne biwi ka hath pakda
aur bola – chal Banto.
Aisi jagah kam nahi karna
jahan staff ke liye kursi bhi na ho

—– —
#8

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die .
Patient : Yes. A good doctor

—– —
#9

Doctor: You need
New Glasses
Patient: How do you know
I havent told you
whats wrong with me yet
Doctor: I could tell
as soon as you
Walked in through
the Window

—– —
#10

MADAM: Last semester u were loving that girl & this semester u r loving with other.
What do u think of urself
BOY: SYLLABUS changed mam…

—– —
#11

Aadmi Apne Bachay Se
Baita Sharab Mat Peena Wrna
Yeh Jo 2 Aadmi Ja Rahay Hain Tumhain
4 Nazar Ayeinge.
Bacha: Magar Abbu Wo To 1 Aadmi Hai..

—– —
#12

‘Girlfriend’ is like ‘Paanipuri’ always TASTY
‘Lover’ is like ‘Pizza’HOT n SPICY
‘Wife’ is like’Dal-Chawal’ no other option bt GOOD 4 Health

—– —
#13

Santa k ghar ladki hui Banta:Jab ladki badi hogi to ladke ise chedenge. Santa: Maine iska intezam kar liya! Banta:kya Santa: Iska naam DiDi rakha hai!

—– —
#14

HRITHIK:Aaj Mere pass 14Car hai,8 Bikes hai,4 Bunglow hai,Farm house hai….. Tumhare pass kya hai ABHISHEK:Mere baap ke sir pe bal hai!

—– —
#15

Santa: Begum aj chicken bahot testy bana hai koi khas masala lagaya hai kya.
Wife: Nahi murgi jal gai thi to maine BURNOL lagai thi..

—– —
#16

Teacher Pathan Se: Batao Allama Iqbal Kaha Peda Huwe oR Unhone Kaha Taleem Hasil Ki
PATHAN : Wo Hospital Men Peda Huwe oR School Men Taleem Hasil Ki, 😉

—– —
#17

mathematician marries a grl
aftr marrige she asks him
grl: hw m i looking.
mathematician: tan c/sin c
=sin c/cos c.sin c
=1/cos c
=sec c 🙂

—– —
#18

It doesn’ t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

—– —
#19

Ek Cycle wale ne kisi ko cycle mardi to Zakhmi aadmi bola
Andhe cycle kyun marte ho bell kyun nahin marte! Tab cycle wala bola, cycle mari ab kya bell bhi maroon !!

—– —
#20

Boy went 2 drop AuntyA:Raat ho gai Bitu k Pas So jao B:No Anty Sofe Pe So JaungaNxt day a Sexy GIRL brng Tea B:Aap Gal:me Bitu & UBoy:Ulu ka patha;-)

—– —
#21

Santa: My boy is growing up, he is adult and wants to go out and enjoy with sweet girlfriends. Jeeto: My boy is past that. He wants to stay indoors with sweet girlfriends.

—– —
#22

Shazada Saleem: Hamara Amma Abba hm se itna piyar krte thy hamare sonay taq hamare pas baithe rehte or hm phir b na sotay
Wazeer: Isi lia to ap iklota reh gaye

—– —
#23

American child: hello mister
padri reply: u can call me father my child
bucha: acha to tm yaha ghom rahe ho aur mummy kehti he mujhe nhe pata tera baap kon hai

—– —
#24

bhais par baithe ladke ko traffic police ne rok kar kaha- apne helmet kyu nahi pehna Chalaan hoga. ladka- re andhe dhyan se dekh 4weeler hai.

—– —
#25

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho Aadha jism dikh raha hai.
Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!
Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena

—– —
#26

One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye
boy: haan bohat kiss liye:D

—– —
#27

Ek mahila ki aankh suzi hui thi, Padosan-Kya hua
Mahila-Pati ne mara
Padosan-Lekin mere khyal se tumahre pati Delhi gaye hue the Mahila-Mera bhi yahi khyal tha

—– —
#28

Boy to girl-: AAJ tumne belt gutne par kyon bandhi hai. GIRL maine mummy se promise kiya hai ki tumhe BELT SE NICHE TOUCH nahi karne dungi.

—– —
#29

Aik pthan dokan dar k pas jakr pakistan ka Flag mangta hai
phair wo shoopkeeper ko kuch kehta hai
jis ko sun kr wo pagal ho jata hai
think
is main aur colour dekhao.

—– —
#30

Santa Police se:
Kal rat chor mere ghar se
TV ke Ilaaava sab samaan le gaye
Police:TV kyon nahi legaya
Santa:TV to me dekh raha tha is liye..

—– —
#31

Santa Cycle Ki Break Hath Me Lekar Nach Raha Tha.
Man-Ye Kya Kar Rahe Ho
Santa-Oye! BREAK DANCE

—– —
#32

A man bid on a Parrot
in an Auction.
He really Wanted this
bird, so he kept on
bidding.
But he kept on
getting Outbid, so
he bid Higher and Higher.
Finally, he Won the Bid.
As he was paying, he
said to the auctioneer,
I surely hope such a
Costly Parrot Can Talk.
Don’ t worry , said
the Auctioneer, He
Can Talk. Who Do you
Think Kept Bidding
Against You. .

—– —
#33

A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one know how to pray
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok priest, you pray;
Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket
as we are one jacket short.

—– —
#34

Ik Police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.
Wife: Utho ji, ghar me chori ho rahi hai.
Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main is time duty par nahi hun.

—– —
#35

Santa Sharab Pikar
Sadhu Se Takra Gya
Sadhu Gusse Me-
Aye Murkh
Me Tuje
SHRAAP Deta Hu
Santa-Rukiye
Maharaj
Me Glas
Leke Ata hu

—– —
#36

Santa sote waqt 2 glass rakhte hain.
Ek main paani aur ek Khaali.
Why socho
socho
aur socho
kyunki pyas lag bhi sakti hai aur nahi bhi.

—– —
#37

Boy n Girl in a HOTEL
.. Boy: I Love U
.. Girl: I dont Love U
.. Boy: Think again
.. Girl: I told u No
.. Boy: Waiter,Bring seperate bills for us. Girl : i Love u 2

—– —
#38

Tufani barish me rat ko pizza hut par Santa pizza lene gaya..Waiter : Ap maried hO ..Santa : …..is tufani barish me kya meri maa muje pizza lene bhejegi..

—– —
#39

Teacher: Where does God live
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy
bangs on the door and says, ‘God, are you still in there ’

—– —
#40

Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

—– —
#41

Do u know full form of dairy milk (darling always I remember u, meet immediately 4a long kiss. that’ s why girl ask 4 dairy milk

—– —
#42

Antar-Mantar
Jaadu-Jantar
Chhhoo.
Kuch Mahsoos Hua
Nahi Na
Jaadugar Ne Bhi Yahi Kaha Tha Ki
ye mantra sirf insaano pe asar karta he.

—– —
#43

Easiest ways to Die,
1.Have a cigerrate daily
U’ll die 10 years early
2.Have drink daily,
U’ll die 30 years early
3.Love some1 truely
U’ll die daily.

—– —
#44

Santa to policeman: Yeh har taraf kiyon likha hai: Gadi Dhire Chalao.
Policeman: Kiyon ki, Santa Ji, yahan duur duur tak koi hospital nahi hai.

—– —
#45

Pathan Tharmos Le Ke Picnic Par Gaya..
Pathan: Iss Main Thandi Cheez Thandi,
Aur Garam Cheez Garam Rehti Hai..
Dost: Tum Iss Main Kya Laye Ho..
Pathan: 4 Qulfi Aur 2 Cup Chaye.. 😉

—– —
#46

Is Duniya me sirf Post-Man he, Post Woman nahi he.
Aakhir Kyu
Why
.
.
.
.
.
Kyuki Wo Delivery Dene me 8-9 Mahine Laga Deti he.

—– —
#47

Things In.
BoysRoom Bfr Marriage;.
Deo.
Perfume.
Loveletter.
Gift.
cards.
Gogle.
Condom.
After Marriage.
Balm.
Painkiller.
LoanPaper

—– —
#48

2 FrIeNds oN tHeIr wAy To A fASt Food FoR diNnEr
1st oRdErS:Double ChEeSe wItH eXtRa cHeEsE aNd eXtRa mAy0s
AtTeNdEnT:Drink
1St:DiEt cOkE I aM oN diEt!

—– —
#49

when i call u:
1 ring meanz i’m Thinking of U,
2 ring meanz i Like U,
3 ring meanz i Miss U,
4 ring meanz i need U,
5 ring meanz ZALEEL INSAAN FONE UTHA

—– —
#50

How do u keep a sardar whole day busy
Take him to a circular room n ask him to sit in a corner….