Pati Patni (Husband Wife) Jokes – Set 1 – 2017

#1

Ek Insaan Ko Kya ChahiyeEk Patni Jo Pyar DeEk Patni Jo Acchha Khana BanayeEk Patni Jo Bahut Paisewali HoaurTeeno Patniya Ek doosare sa kabhi na mile

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#2

Men who don’t understand women at all, by & large, fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

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#3

Difference between GF & Wife GF-Beauty, Wf-DutyGF-Pension, Wf- Tension,GF-Yummy, Wf-Vehmi,GF-Cool, Wf-Fool,GF-Tutti-Fruity, Wf-Kismat FutiGF-Fresh Cake, Wf-Earthquake

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#4

Mummy: Beta kyun ro rahe ho Beta: Papa ne mujhe kissi nahi di.Mummy: Beta, aap ne papa ko tables nahi sunaye honge.Beta: Kaam wali ko kaun se tables aate hein.

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#5

Patni: Suno ji mere saath tumhare dus saal kaise beete Pati: Ek second ki tarah.Patni: Agar main tumse 10000 rs mangu toh kaisa lagega Pati: Chavnni ki tarah.Patni: Jara 10000 rs dena tohPati: Abhi deta hu ek second mein

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#6

lambi jiski height ho,Chehara jiska bright ho,Weight mein thodi light Ho,Thodi see wo quiet ho,Aise apni Wife ho

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#7

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#8

: : : :

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#9

Wife : Aap Bahut Mote Ho Gaye Ho Husband : Tum Be To Kitni Moti Ho Gayi Ho Wife : Me To Maa Ban Ne Wali Hu Husband : Me Be To Baap Ban Ne Wala Hu

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#10

Wife: i will die. Husband: i will also die. Wife: Why do you want 2 die Husband: bcoz ma itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta.

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#11

Husband to a newly wed wife! I could go to the end of the world for you. Wife: Thanks! but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life.

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#12

Wife : Tumhara DosT Galat Ladki Se Shadi Kr Raha He, Tum Usse Rokte Q Nahi Husband : Q Roku Sale Ko Usne Muje Roka Tha Kya

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#13

WIFE : Tum Ne Kabhi Socha Hai Ke Meri Shaadi Kisi Aur Se Ho Jaati To Kya Hota HUSBAND : Nahi, Main ne kabhi Kisi Ka Bura Nahi Socha.!

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#14

Biwi:- shohar se aaj aap office se jaldi kaise aagaye Shohar:- aanhank mere boss ko gussa aagaya aur woh bola jahanum main jao main forun utha aur tumhare pass aagaya

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#15

Wife:- india jao tu saarhi bhaijna dubai jao tu jwlry france jao tu prfum husband ne jal k kaha aur dozakh jao tu kya bhaiju Wife:- . . . . . IMRAN HASHMI

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#16

Wife: Sunoji Doctor ne koi hill-station jaane k liye kaha.Hum kaha jayenge. Husband:Dusre doctor ke pass.

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#17

Husband: Jee karta hai tumhri zulfon mein kho jau, Aankhon mein bas jau, Tumhari baho mein jhul jau… Wife: Dev Anand hi rahoge Ya Kabhi Emraan Hashmi bhi Banoge

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#18

When a wife was asked – What book do you like the best She answers – My husband’s cheque book.

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#19

Wife : Why are U so lazy Husband : Cuz I cannot sleep properly in tonight. Wife : Why Husband : I was with you in my dream!

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#20

Husband: raat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 churail kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi, Wife: Kaun si movie thi Husband: Apni shadi ki.

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#21

Wife : Honey …… What are You Looking for Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing… U’ve been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour … Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

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#22

Husband: ‘When Im gone youll never find another man like me.’ Wife replied: ‘What makes you think Id want another man like you!’

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#23

Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime. Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently. Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

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#24

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, hell fall asleep before you finish.

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#25

Two men r talking.1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes. 2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons

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#26

Husband desire 3 qualities in wives: economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed. But infact they get: artist in kitchen , devil in home & economist in bed.

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#27

Thought for de day: A Man Is The Head Of The Family, The Wife Is The Neck. The Neck Turns The Head Exactly The Way It Wants.!

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#28

A man gave an add in Matrimonial column ‘PATNI CHAHIYE’ He got 1000 replies all saying:- ‘Meri Le Ja..!’ Meri Le Ja..!

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#29

Husband came from church, lifted his wife up & carried her around. Wife: Did priest tel u 2 b romantic. Husband: No he told me 2 carry my own sorrows..

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#30

Why love marriage is better dan Arranged Bcoz a ‘KNOWN DEVIL’ is better dan an ‘UNKNOWN GHOST’.

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#31

Wife hinting husband for a new car says : ‘Dear buy me something that goes 0 to 100 in 4 seconds’ .. Husband gifted her a weighing scale..

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#32

Woman in bed with husbands best friend, phone rings,Woman: Yes Ok, fine, bye. Turns to her Lover and says, ‘My husband saying he is playing golf with U.’

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#33

Wife-Shadi ki raat tum ne jab mera ghunghat uthaya to kaisi lagti thi. Husband-Mai to mar hi jata agar mujhe hanuman chalisa na yaad hoti.!!

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#34

Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge Husband – main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho. KHUSH RAHO

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#35

Wife:1 baat bolu par mujhe maarna nahi Hsbnd:Bolo Wife:Mai Pregnant hu Hsbnd:Its Gud news,dar kyo rahi thi Wife:Shadi ke pehle papa ko bataya tha, badi maar pari thi

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#36

Wife: tum mujh se utna piyar nahi karte jitna pehle karty the??
Husband: Tu kia mai ne yeh 3 bache internet se download kiay hain kia??

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#37

A man sat down and was seriously staring at the marriage certificate,
after a long time his wife asked,
“What are you looking for? He replied,
“The expiration date.”

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#38

A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, “Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”
The wife replies; “I did, they were in your tackle box.”

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#39

Wife: I told you several times
to place some curtains on the windows.
There is a man in the neighbourhood
who tried to see me.
Husband: Let him see you,
he will place curtains himself.

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#40

Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

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#41

Husband Gusse Se: Aaj Tum ne kesa khana banaya hai bilkul gobar jesa
Wife: Mere Khudaya, is aadmi ne kya kya chaka howa hai.

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#42

LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE
and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS

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#43

Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!
Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai

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#44

Man: Sir, my wife is missing.

Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai,
police station me complain dijiyee.

Man:Kia karon, khushi k mare
kuch samajh nahin aa raha

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#45

Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and pease so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!

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#46

Thappar Maarnay par NaraZ Wife
se Husband bola:
“Aadmi usi ko maarta hai jis se Pyaar krta hai.”
Wife ne Husband ko 2 thappar maaray aur
Boli “Aap kya samajhtay hain main Aapse Pyaar nahi kerti”

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#47

Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta:D

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#48

What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake…:p

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#49

Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!
Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai

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#50

on a romantic day sardars girlfriends good news A new way to send Romantic there r some of the romantic countries look outside its so romantic countries look outside its so romantic the star Moon Romantic Night Birds