England Quotes – Set 3 – 2017

#1

Others may use the ocean as their road; Only the English make it their abode.

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#2

Froth at the top, dregs at bottom, but the middle excellent.

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#3

A shopkeeper will never get the more custom by beating his customers, and what is true of a shopkeeper is true of a shopkeeping nation.

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#4

England manufactures most of the world’s airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

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#5

England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.

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#6

In recent years, perhaps encouraged by competition from McDonald’s, the British hamburger has become a credit to the nation. At the time of which I speak, it looked like a scorched beer-coaster or a tenderized disc brake.

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#7

In London there was no home cooking worthy of the name. When you were in funds you ate out. But only the people whose faces appeared in such publications as Town and Queen could afford to eat in restaurants serving food which would leave them looking and feeling better instead of worse.

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#8

Dinner was meat – not hunks of meat, as in Australia, but pathetic scraps of meat, as in Britain – which the girls upstairs transformed into edible dishes by heating it in secret ways and adding bits of stuff to it.

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#9

Here was my first lesson on the resolutely maintained untidiness and ill-health of the English upper orders. In baggy evening dress and old before their time, they displayed gapped and tangled teeth in loosely open mouths. Gently shedding dandruff, they lurched across the lawn. When they stood at the bar they looked like Lee Trevino Putting.

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#10

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

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#11

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.

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#12

I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.

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#13

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.

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#14

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex – unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

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#15

When a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut of without much ceremony; but when the same happened in England, the monarch declared : We are not amused.

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#16

Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.

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#17

The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead.

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#18

People on the continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth.

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#19

When you cut it up, put the pieces in your mouth and swallowed them, the British hamburger shaped itself to the bottom on your stomach like ballast, while interacting with your gastric juices to form an incipient belch of enormous potential, an airship which had been inflated in a garage. This belch, when silently released, would cause people standing twenty yards away to start examining the soles of their shoes. The vocalized version sounded like a bag of tools thrown into a bog.

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#20

There is a feeling which persists in England that making a sandwich interesting, attractive, or in any way pleasant to eat is something sinful that only foreigners do.

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#21

Uncle Walt is crying and not trying to hide it, because he’s a Jew and Mediterranean. He’s not afraid to show his emotions. He figures it’s better to cry from the eyes, than let your duodenal ulcer cry like the Anglo-Saxons.

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#22

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off…Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

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#23

They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can’t move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.

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#24

This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle, This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, This other Eden, demi-paradise, This fortress built by Nature for herself Against infection and the hand of war, This happy breed of men, this little world, This precious stone set in the silver sea, Which serves it in the office of a wall Or as a moat defensive to a house, Against the envy of less happier lands,– This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.

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#25

If England treats her criminals the way she has treated me, she doesn’t deserve to have any.

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#26

When Elizabeth II succeeded to the throne of England the reigning joke was, “Big deal: she got the job through relatives.

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#27

I realized why the English are big tea drinkers. Just taste their coffee and you’ll see the reason.

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#28

An Englishman without his umbrella is like Churchill without a cigar. It’s jolly well unthinkable, old chap!

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#29

London is great, they tell me. I wouldn’t know. I couldn’t see it through the rain and fog.

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#30

The proverbial Englishman, we know from old chronicler Froissart, takes his pleasures sadly, and the Englishwoman goes a step further and takes her pleasures in sadness itself.

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#31

We don’t bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don’t dress well and we’ve no manners.

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#32

We will never have Fascism in England; no Englishman will dress up, not even for a revolution.

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#33

The best thing I know between France and England is the sea.

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#34

In England, there’s so much history that you feel a part of history even when you’re really not.

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#35

In England, I’m a horror movie director. In Germany, I’m a filmmaker. In the US, I’m a bum.

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#36

England can never be ruined except by a Parliament.

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#37

I couldn’t wait to have a crack at ’em [England].

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#38

If England, Ireland and Wales want it we would not stand in their way.

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#39

Newcastle girls are all dogs. England is full of them.

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#40

I will be assisting Pakistan for only two weeks before their England tour.

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#41

My parents were both born in England.

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#42

How about mentioning that this is the best performance from England for ages. Or that the team are not missing Beckham at all.

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#43

Our farm in England is not nearly as profitable.

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#44

England and America are two countries separated by a common language.

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#45

England have got to attack us, they have got to get their first win.

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#46

After going back to England I stuck to these. They helped me here.

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#47

The significant snow didn’t get as far north into New England as anticipated.

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#48

England were very unlucky and they would have won if they had not missed the penalty.

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#49

Zeal for the greatness of England was the passion of his life.

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#50

The stately homes of England, / How beautiful they stand!